Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi darlin Pepsash 😄 how's that grooven lol.

I don't blame you one iota for not understanding, lol, either did I 😄 I was really struggling on how to describe it ...still clueless...it's a piece of writing I guess there's history but I've heard it's cobbles but interesting says it was found in Old Saint Pauls church dated 1961.

The most incredibly powerful meaningful wisdom I've ever heard.
Who ever wrote this had it figured out how to travel your life.

It begins..."Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there is in silence...as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people, speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen even to the dull and ignorant for they too have their story"...

Goosebumps. If anyone checks it out and I highly recommend this google ..
Les Crane.. Desiderata the version and amazing voice I first heard and LOVE shows shots of nature, it's very well done and his voice is so right for it.

It's brilliant and very suitable for people here to listen too. "Be gentle with yourself, you have a right to be here" ohhhh it's mind blowing. There's another I had a quicky and I think it could be Kamahls voice.

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should"

This one is 1972 version on you tube and it's the 3rd down after the larger version at top. It's got green nature and fields in the picture before you play it.

"Be yourself especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass"

One day I'm going to write it out in Old English. (Calligraphy's what I love) I've thought about incorporating it with my art. Some of the Old English I taught myself is in the art, the flowing gently curving strokes.

"Excercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism"

Thank you darlin Pepstar 🙂 enjoy a safe relaxing week end dear friend (( Super soullls )))

Oh I again nearly finished a bit timely post to you and Grandy and pooof doh..in cyberspace

laters lovely

[startingnew]

DB xoxo

[demonblaster]

Tony, hey 🙂 this is the sort of thing I'm trying to get out of the habit of saying I'll do something and then not doing, I'm sure you're not waiting for my company with bated is it breath 🙂 I was coming back but have most of the day been working on fantasy, stoked cause I'm going to learn more as well as here how to express and I'm not mostly looking for synonyms and recently realised I do know a few words so I quite often check and when I see words here try to learn them. Also doing the fantasy I feel is opening my mind to more lateral thinking, proof reading 400 times 🙂 so I think zis is good and it's also calming my mind and body and hopefully giving people pleasure and temporary escape
So my intention at some stage is to continue our conversation, definately want to 🙂 that better? 🙂
Been meaning for ages to mention if you don't mind and I might be wrong too but to my understanding to "Google" is using the internet to find a site where as the search function is for here. Some I don't know though may Google and miss out seeing your threads.

I'll do it this way. So you average one cycle a yr lasting between 6 and 14 days? Do you have mania with yours I can't think of the category the BP 2 that doesn't have mania, poor people at least us that do experience the ultimate. So if you do is that recovery time included? Mines up to a month it hasn't changed much from the super Type 1 highs tho in those I"d hit the wall and the mutt would keep pushing my exhuastion furthur..unbelievable that sheer desparation for sleep, I said to Docs and psychs give me a bomb,they did and Holyyyy beyond indescribable head space, I thought it was the meds but since realised it was because or I think anyway of the extreme exhaustion. Now days it's exhaustion but I stop just short of the wall but still takes and age. My mania lasts on average which is average about a week worst was 3 mths was heavily involved with BB (Big brother) at the end I could barely lift my arm no lie. Eyes felt like they were deeply sunken in and glass all through them, had that a fair bit.

My bipolar comes about usuallythrough stress and my cycle lasts between 6 and 14 days. About once a year per cycle. On a daily basis stress (too many things going on at once) causes moods and I get snappy. I am trying to learn to deligate tasks to my wife and I'm getting there

Hope you're well 🙂

[demonblaster]

😄 😄 😄 😄 LOVEN IT...that is just adorabubble Grandy darlin thank you for the ear to ear constant smiles and happies Oh meant to tell you which I need to concentrate on collecting them all including Wolfys else they'll take longer to find, I've got some on the tablet so far, yeah so when I recover I'll take about 3 days afterwards at home then go and stay with my Ohhh I love her same back so deeply Mother in law (MIL) and see family lot of love reciprocated actually on fantasy we use to take 3 there's stacks in that family of the young kids youngest was 4, I think for a week or so on holidays to give his sisters a break, and we'd do fantasy things with them kind of...over the yrs separately they've all said such heart moving comments about how much that meant, WOW, was neat, hard cause no money compulsive gambler but still made magic for them.

So back to topic (btt) mil I know is going to LOVE hearing these I'll read them to her, she's the bomb Grandy, it'll be a big ouch if she leaves before me and for many. My love was very close to his parents and family.

Soooo glad lol I didn't end up going out...been working on the fantasy it's an ongoing one and dahhh posted the wrong first sentence and really liked it, it's similar and energy was depleting so I said to her if you want to go I will it was funny so she said nah all good then yeah so I started to walk hills very tired mind you got about a third of the way realised phew forgot purse went back, walked again and roughly the same place realised I'd forgotten LOL purse...AGAIN..:D went back hahaha slowlyyy had a laugh with a bloke about it did my bits saw couple of people I know and friend ditched, I WAS SO STOKED LOL...postponed but I'll try and catch the Spielberg one something movie. Other friend gunna catch up soon rang she broke her collar bone (Clavical) so she'll be off work for a wee bit and friend taking me shopping tomorrow, trying to make sure I don't get too excited, working so far not to go in again. Moods good just wrecked

Hoping your MHN went well and you're travelling ok sweety lady ((( huge love ))) thanks G just love it, everything you say and do xx Peace darlin

[PamelaR]

Hiya Deebi

Love and worship Desiderata. Haven't heard it in years. But as soon as I log out of BB, guess where I'm going YouTube.

Will also have to look up Kevin Leman a DR .."Have a new you by Friday" sounds fascinating.

You're inspiring Deebi. Truly love what you are doing!! Reading is excellent for the soul and mind. I don't do enough of it these days. But I'll get back to reading when I'm ready.

What flick you going to see? Do you go to pub/club with 'live music'?

Hope you sleep well tonight and the pain isn't too great.

See you late tomorrow or Sunday. Take care.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

Pammy ❤️

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,,

That super special loving your mil. It's like having two mums,,.

You really are special..I've said it heaps of times I know, but..what your doing for your mil is just so special and will mean a lot to her..lol I can hear your excitement in doing this...Love you Deebi..

Isnt that a pain when you forget your purse 👛 once, lol but twice.😂😅..extra bits of walks for you...Im pleased you also had a laugh with the bloke and meet a few friends..

It sounds like you had a good day Deebi, I like to hear that.. Oh shopping sound like fun, yes don't over excite yourself to much that you don't sleep....😴..

Honey I really hope you have a great time tomorrow, then other friend off work with broken clavicle (lol I know some nursie talk..).. maybe you can meet with her next week..

Good Night Deebi, I really hope that tomorrow is a good day out for you and your friend, and you both have a great time..

Love and Care deeply Deebi.{{{warm healing hugs}}}.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Hey Pammy 🙂 So glad you love Desiderata too ohhh man its amazing isnt it

3.30am nature beckoned. Solid sleep till then. If I'm over the worst this BP, Giddy up then its starting to vastly improve. I'll have to limit my time on PC stirring arm pain last couple of days otherwise its going well

Was reading back on parts of our good man Wolfys thread couple days ago and the REBT rational emotive behavioural therapy I started working on yesterday liking it I'll have to go back and read over again, usually need to do that I read untold here sometimes it goes in straight away depending on sleep head space chatty mind like that one Grandy 🙄 others Penny drops literally wks later lol but as long as it drops aye and other times over my head (quite often) Frustrations a powerful emotion I'm not too bad overall with handling stress but being a slow learner yeah but coming to terms with why which is liberating as many say here and true it's changing habitual thinking patterns and takes time I've got patience with most things.

I'm SO happy and feel so secure in knowing a friend I have a lot of love and deep respect for who I'd heard was very sick and we'd lost touch and it ripoed not knowing if they were ok and they are ok, wow its mind blowing. Hurt a lot phoo tearing up x

Starts Pammy other day I had a squiz at Blue voices and remember having the same confusion when I asked Starts mths ago over the most basic dah DB and it's almost embarrassing asking this ..😆 forgive my total dah but I cant wrap my head around the reference part of what BV is could someone plz explain what as if your talking to a 2 yr old 😶 😂 what does that mean but I know what reference means and ya wonder why I believed I was stupid lol just not understanding and in my last BP bad headspace it spiralled me down furthur I couldn't grasp it thanks...quickly runs out room and hides ...forever lol

TONY sorry I don't often enough quote posts but I left your quoted section of your post on my reply to you I thought I'd talk to you in sections to try and time manage threads better btw memory gets affected in BP, I guess cause we're so tired and so much going on up there and ? Other brain reasons hard thing memory loss

[demonblaster]

BP day 8

Ragged.Bed soon. Mouth might be getting close to ulcers not sure haven't had them for few yrs I don't think from being run down in BP use to be fairly often in type 1.

This is when/if I'm going to go lower it happens when you get close to or exhausted. Though at times I have bad downs like during this episode my usual is lighter but horrid down before episodes and worst really bad after, from research most have them before but there might be more to that I'm not aware of.

Beasties trying often to pull me down with thoughts but I'm doing 3 things and holding and had a fair bit of social interaction that livens me and distraction and here to be able to vent, talk, read etc

1. Not thinking furthur after initial down thought about it
2. Learning REBT (rational emotive behavioural therapy) I'Ll need to read again but I think I'm getting the swing its just so hard cause the energy's so low but good because I'm holding
3. Sometimes hard talk works, also throwing thought from mind in bin

Feeling the adrenalin last night and today not too bad that tension in the chest as in not too strong and I just thought then the reason the brain has to have thoughts is because by blocking them its keeping the stress in which needs out and I think one way is anxiety or panic attacks ? same thing for it to come out.

So thats another reason I'm starting to accept acceptance and not fighting it, the bits to jigsaw I'm starting to see woo hoo thanks to awesome people here talking about things and showing eachother the way

Anxiety comes on fast it feels like a volcano erupting (Grandy x) from chest working it's way up breathing excercises helping and if I can I also focus on relaxing the shoulders but breathing works. I've had the odd attack in the past with exhaustion tiredness creates stress by I think again adrenalin trying to give the body a lift and if its not used for its purpose not sure but when we're so weakened by exhaustion it's harder to control

Some harsh physical health flare ups atm hoping they'll pass, too much if they get worse, ones chronic back probs.Possibly both are.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im so pleased 😁 your friend is okay.. Will be good to catch up again..

Enjoy your night with your friend/s.. . You deserve time out with good friends..🤗😚..

Good Night Deebi,

i hope you sleep really good tonight..and wake with some brightness and light...

{{{love and Care hugs}}. xxxx💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Thankyou Grandy

Haven't slept yet 7am

Arm again and med the pain yes Starts probs burning for some sections a deep burn.

Laters Grandy 😚