Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Awe Deebi 🦄, you really are a magically beautiful person, I'm wondering what I ever done to deserve your love and care..

That is so peacefully beautiful thank you so much, you have no idea what listening to your post done to me, tears were falling while I was listening to you, Gosh Deebi I don't deserve you.. Your soul is Gold, mine is charcoal.

Love you Deebi, your so special.💜

(L&C)..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Hey Sweet yeah broken sleep plays with the head doesn't it. One our strongest needs for mind and body same as water and food

The trapped feeling its like a vice, one of beasties tools, it is scary darl the pains so strong goes so deep ya feel desparate it's consuming and alone yeah it strips us the mutt.

I have trouble with accepting because I feel it'd make me relax when you're so low and I feel like I'd sink lower if thats possible, god it goes dark. I'll talk more on acceptance another time I have learnt some things from you guys, I need to think and work more on it but yeah not now ☺

Beasties got a charcoal soul Grandy , [IT's] lying to you, yours is Gold 💜 good you don't drive in those times

Interesting Greek Orthodox I looked up the meaning, yeah fair enough its full on for you. I've been meaning to ask you how your going with the loss of your friends, thought a few times. So hard losing people we care about

Same back Grandy it's very comforting knowing you and other beautiful people are here for me, hard to believe but sometimes it's a push to post let alone doing one. Yeah it was a little mania on 7th (sat) just marking for bp entry it was so good, way to wake up just magic 😊 short but it explains being a bit over the shop atm tired too but sleeping well just up too early for me but layed down & drifted off today, mostly ok with effort. We'll get you through too hun

Was a gorgeous day here too still heat and only a sheet still, I like the cooler weather you do too don't you. Heat envelopes nah not a lover of it

Right so sun helps us sleep too, cool.It does so much & with good exercise it reacts with chemicals or ? in our brains and helps bigs lifting depression so theres endorphines from exercise and that going on too so doing it in the sun makes sense. It sustains life and sooo far away, the power.. its a force. Its about half way through its life. We landed an incredible place

Yeah Maggie's warble wow aye ☺ hearing birdies the soft sounding not the squawkers its magic

Thanks for your time and care Madam halarious 😅 fun aye lifes easier with happies and laughing. Hope your days good tomoz darlin 💜💗

[monkey_magic]

Loved what you wrote to Grandy too, going to re-read..the post before this one....xx take care

[demonblaster]

Mandy SLD and Monkey thank you all and Grandy 😊 sweet of yous to say. It took an age and learning from you loves. long way to go but getting there 😊

I'm glad you got something from it Mandy darlin heaven knows you need some light in your life too, you all do.

Monkey that was nice to hear, hope you're still on the up and out huns

You too Starts thanks ☺

🤗 to you all. You're so lovely x

[Ggrand]

Good morning special lady Deebi.

I can't accept this Deebi, if I did and as you said and I agree with you I would then relax as you would as well and go with it and be down to depths I couldn't handle..I remember last time. You went with it, it lasted longer for you and I was scared for you..I believe we have to fight it with all the strength we have..

I want you to know what a super amazingly special, beautiful, kind, compassionate lovely lady you are..

Mania is the best feeling, unfortunately I only gets short bursts of it, I don't seem to get full mania like you do, mostly mixed mania for me.. but a few times longer good feeling yeah, love that but not enough for the depth of the downs I get..

winter is good Deebi, cold here average-10 nightly and 6-8 daily but I prefer it. Cleaner air, blanket cuddles. etc.

I have to ry to get more sleep, it's just not happening, I'm off to bed again, I've been up since 1.30 it's now 4.53..

Sleep well honey and I hope your arm improves daily.

Love you Deebi,

(L&C),

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

It’s always heartening for read the beautiful words of support here 🙂

Your self insight into bipolar is, as always, commendable. You seem to really understand your moods like when mania or depression is about to strike, for example. I feel that’s a testimony to your commitment to managing your mental health 🙂

Hopefully you get some cooler weather your way soon. I must admit that I quite enjoy warm weather (as long as it doesn’t exceed 30 degrees or is too humid lol).

Thank you for your earlier invite to tea. That was very kind of you. Also for the weekend well wishes. Gratefully accepted.

Sending super souls hugs your way,

Pepper xoxo

[PamelaR]

Morning Deebi (and everyone else)

Glad to hear you're enjoying the cooler weather. It does make things a little easier.

Haven't posted much over weekend, but been listening. Good to see you and everyone are being supported by lots of people. You're such an important person to this forum Deebi.

How was last night for you DB?

Pepper has it so right. You have so much insight into BP it truly shows how well you are managing. Even though you sometimes think you're not. It's that black critter which keeps you from seeing how good you are.

I've a few threads to catch up on, my cat is demanding to go outside (that means I have to go to. Don't like using my phone to post because it doesn't always behave properly), then I'll look at some newbies. So I'll come back later to see how you're travelling.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

xxxx

Pammy

[demonblaster]

BP day 3 woke on 7th feeling SO good. Everythings heightened like a beautiful days SO much better perfect. Don't ever remember waking like that, lasted maybe 30/40 mins of bliss went back to sleep ok which is good. Hasn't followed through👍good but not .. the ultimate. So/so yesterday today too ok round people but not in good space particularly. Tired and probs ick from high.Don't know if it'll escalate.

Handling the blaghhs with work. Had some hard anxieties, that trapped feeling phoo often before episodes bloody awful, your head screams for escape you feel so restless not physically like your trapped, full on horrible to experience. Breathing through them works. One day beasty mutt I'm getting there

Not seeing psych again been a while, want to but pennies.

Some social today and MH top bloke sarvo.

[demonblaster]

Hey.. sigh .. lost a post to yaz earlier...joy 😐took a while daghh concentration choofed

Thanks lovely ones, I'll try another time

😚

🌹

💜

[startingnew]

SL xoxox