Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebi (wave to Karen, Birdy, SW)

Thank you so much for your kind words about my story telling capabilities. Never considered this as a positive. But I guess, I'm really good at visualising, so I turn this into words. That's what happened in our walk.

If I can visualise, then I can tell a story. So next time, I will need input about what you're wearing to make the story complete. Those 👠 were a safety risk for you. I would have been so much more boring and put you in 👟. LOL.

Hey, I'll organise a camel ride next.🐫. Not sure about setting up anymore parties though.

I see you're starting to head for a low. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you through.

I'll be here. Just holler.

🤗🤗✋🦋

Pammy

[demonblaster]

Lol Pammy yeah believe it hun you're very good, oh yeah Camel ride woo hoo. Hear ya re parties 🙁but your invited to Grandys though

Wow didnt feel like a walk but did thought I'll just do minimum hills ended up tho sat and observed nature in bits hour and half more actually maybe hr and 40+ woo hoo

No I'm ok lovey I hope, thought I may be going into mania but think I'm ok, hope so I've only come back recently from flat but wasn't depressed as such well symptoms but nothing on BP downs so all good hoping thanks for offer sweety Lady darling 🤗☺

Hope you had a good day huns ☺

Little ouch from walk in shoulder mainly but hopefully settle now in chair

Ok lovelies cyaz 🤗😚 thanks for visit darl xx

love you Grandy 🦄

[startingnew]

🌟💪💕🍫🎂

[Ggrand]

Good Night sweet Deebi,

Well done doing your walk today..sounds nice stopping and sitting down to take in observe nature.. Sorry your shoulder is still sore, is it easing off Deebi?

Just called in to say good night special lady and wish you the deepest of sleeps and the sweetest magical dream ever..lol maybe dream of carrots, Easter egg, bungee elastic,mpogo sticks, rainbows, your a classic Deebi, thank you for making me lol. 💜.

Love you Deebi.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄.

(L&C)..{{{friendship hugs}}}.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

😲 thats not a gasp..just opening up for choccy..

you da chook Starts hope your hand and arm settling and you're picking up 😚

🦋

[demonblaster]

Daghhh just lost the post 2nd time today

Took ages was chatting to ya

You too you crack me up, Mrs halarious was at you btw originally cool cape looks like its moving around. Gunna see if there's stars soon. Think about ya ☺ and others here too I do about people rl a lot as well

Phoo had a couple of anxieties working up handled them with your 1-5 breathing helped.. dunno where they came from but its horrible ya feel closed in.. trapped and restless like you've got do something escape its in the head I get that at times before mania bloody awful. It's like a desperation

How are you travellin Grandy ... where's your head

I was putting together time on your verandah stars 🌟🌲 hugs hands great company drinks choccy laughs happies so that'll be another time by the looks thanks to vanishing tricks daghh

Thanks for caring and asking hun arm/shoulder settled, the pain on waking isn't good but bearable so its settling gunna be a while before I tt again or anything but going to turn up on occasions and sp.needs twice was going too but night before arm pain was horrendous but saw some the other day down the road was good and going this week all going well

Couple of good movies on 9 loved No reservations might hire it one day was watching sporadically and burnt looks good too same seeing in bits

Nigh nite darlin hope you wake happy or at least better. Always be ok Grandy..love you love our time 😚 💗 👀 💜 🤝

amazing {{{ 💑 }}}

[Ggrand]

Good Morning lovely Deebi,

I hope you had a good sleep last night, mine was broken It was at least a 12 part sleeping nightmare. sleep seems to be only in bits and pieces now, usually the norm for were I'm heading.

Oh Deebi, that trapped feeling, I get them in the downs, that's when I cannot drive my car, they are so bad especially when your mind is telling you bad things.. That's when it becomes very frightening for me, and I just don't drive.

Its good news that your shoulder it easing a bit.. I hope it continues to ease for you, but please honey take it easy, if it feels really sore sit down and rest..

Today is Greek Orthodox Easter, next door will have a get together with her friends like last year, its going to be uncomfortably noisey here today. I respect her beliefs and traditions but the music and shouting yucky.. annoying, it just..I don't know..just makes me ugh.

My heads still manageable, not down as yet, still high and lows, trying to sleep as much as I can these few days, trying to stop it, but I'm getting the sads to much now, and vulnerability also brain fog, so this tells me I'm not stopping the inevitable from happening...Stay with me please..I have no one here...

Awe honey, I hope your not going to go down as well, I'm here if you do, always here for you..doesn't matter how I feel, I'm always here to help you out of your darkness and lead you into the light..

Deebi, I hope your day is a good day for you, It looks like a really lovely day today, maybe a bit hot...if you walk, please do so gently, I hate hearing your in pain, yet I want to know, care so much for you..

Im sitting outside atm getting some sun, I red we need sun daily to help us sleep, but I'm heading in soon, going to try and sleep some more if I can before the music starts. Last year I went to my friends but their both gone now. So I'll be staying here today.

Please have a good day today, oh I meant to tell you, I also enjoy the melody of the magpies, unreal isnt it the sounds they can make...

Love you Deebi,

(L&C).💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Ahh Grandy darlin.. you're doing it so hard you dear loving beautiful soul..

Taking your hand bringing you slowly into a gentle.. lonnng.. comforting hug 🤗 with every passing second it not only warms and lights your soul but nourishes it.. while I whisper softly that before I tuck you into your lovely warm bed with a soothing hot chocolate and a darling little purple marshmallow where you're going to reach depths of heavenly sleep.. with a comfort beyond comprehension to which you'll awaken to a feeling of complete freedom space and peace.. I'm giving you a magical 🦄 head 💆‍♀️ and shoulder massage .. with every tense area thats touched softly yet a gentle firmness you feel the tension and pain leaving your body with every breath being replaced with a powerful sensation of complete security safety and supreme relaxation ..

So before I tell you where we're going after you awaken.. feeling completely refreshed ..you now know.. without any doubt what so ever.. you my dear friend.. are going to be alright..

you are SO loved, cared for and needed beautiful Grandy 🌟🌈

🎁.. this is for later..no peeky boos ok 😚...only Aunty Deebi knows the unlock code

[Guest8901]

That was so lovely Deebs. I know how much it will mean to our dear friend Karen. I actually took a lot of comfort from it myself as well. So thank you from me too.

Karen I know you are going through a really difficult time right now. I regret there is not much I can say to make it easier for you. But I care very much and will send you a big hug, complete with lots of soppy tears. 💜💜

Amanda

[startingnew]

SL xoxox

that was beautiful what you what to our lovley Grandy xoxox