Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Thanks WK arms easing off still giving some serious grief at times gunna be at least another mth or more

Grandy ...thanks is nice yeah, but that's not what its about for me and you I'd guess but same it sometimes takes an age and then for everyone else to be responded to and just be ignored Tbh I think why bother clearly I've not helped and worse you're in limbo. One it took me a couple hrs reading through which I havent even done to people I really care and love here replied also took an age, was ignored and was in deep BP downs I was so slacked off.

Another was someone else I care about here, did same thing answered everyone else except me, two people this has happened with, what's this sposed to make ya feel worthy pfftt waste of stuffin time and effort and ya feel like a waste of bloody space

I'm at a constant stuffing up here Grandy yes it does hurt.

😭I was so happy being here it helped me and I was I thought helping people in their pain but honestly I feel inadequate inferior and pathetic, there are people here that are born to do this

I'm just gunna kick back here listen and think Grandy. I just don't know, not sure I ever have but while I was with my darling I had a reason.

Thank you for your care xx

[demonblaster]

I love my little crystal heart box 😚 thank you. Do you still wear your broach ☺

Replied to previous not landed yet, I don't feel depressed just saying how it is. Don't hate myself just ..yeah..I'm honestly ok sweety G, you're putting a lot of time and effort in to me hun, I love you for it love gearing from you but there's people here who need you more darl. Please don't think I'm not grateful God I am so much but don't wanna take up so much of you

You're Gold, geez you're easy to love.

Hope your bodies better completely now and that you gotta sleepy sarvo 😚💗💜💑⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and all),

Up at 4am again from the pain? Sigh, that must be so frustrating. Pain keeping you up again...

It does seem like you’ve had to take things a little slower the past couple of days. I suppose maybe your body and mind needed to recharge. I also hope you find your inner spark again 🙂

Sending super warm soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hi Deebi,

Im sorry I got it all wrong..

tonight Deebi, I started a conversation in a thread, 3 answered my question, the host came in and replied to the posts before mine..I was upset but I waited because of my post and the three that followed mine..okay the host came back and answered everyone else except me..It hurt deep I care for this person.. again tonight in another thread a person who says they care for me,I care for them done exactly the same, answered everyone except me.. yeah it hurts bad..This happens a lot to me..I say to myself they didn't see me..now I'm not to sure...you belong to both threads if you look you will see them...

Im sorry if I've annoyed you..but if you were a new thread I would help you.. I'm really concerned about you..if you want space I will reluctantly give you some..

love you Deebi.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 🦄.

[PamelaR]

Dear Grandy and Deeb

I would not like to think that anyone here has deliberately neglected acknowledging either of you. Sometimes, and I know that I'm guilty of it, you start responding to people. You get side tracked, have to go to the loo or make dinner and you only partly finish, when you go back you forget where you were. Alternatively sometimes there is a post on a previous page that will get missed.

I can't imagine anyone trying to ignore either of you. Please reach out if you feel that. Say something, get some clarity on why your post wasn't answered. Oh, I feel that you are ignored and that I may have done this myself. If I have I'm very sorry and I'd really like you to let me know I hadn't responded - please.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[demonblaster]

Thanks Pepstar 🤗 you're such a solid. I've been keeping up with you girls 💖 Thanks lovey for first time since bla knows I started doing things, was turning in right direction. Bubble got burst back to nothing. Hope you're feeling brighter ☺

Pammy hi sweet hope you're feeling better, yeah meant to get back to you on that, it was 3 posts geez everyone else was replied to, thats not getting distracted or forgetting thats not wanting to. I thought about talking but it'll add stress cause conflict and I might have or probs did say the wrong thing inadvertently and I don't wanna have another sooky lala, gettin pretty sick of them. You've never been anything but lovely and supportive you're so appreciated. Im DEEPLY sorry for your horrific life too Pammy 🤗 support as much as I can for you too.

Grandy I love appreciate and adore you, you don't annoy me ever! Opposite, I'm so happy to see you anytime, because I said I love you doesn't mean you have to feel obliged too darl, it does cross my mind. Just you're putting so much time and energy into me when there's people that are needing you and depressed. The stuff you say connects and comes from somewhere so deep and so good Grandy it has meaning and heart. You matter to many and yes it does hurt. Makes me feel whats the bloody point. Just another clobber at self esteem, and not only being ignored but ya open your heart trying to help someone, daghh over it, all I'm doing here lately is dragging people down. Honestly I'm ok. NEVER want space from you. Really do love you 💜 💑 🤝 ⚘am I making an idiot of myself but I do, you're so good to me we are for eachother.

Got bbq tomoz and friend rang tonight, might go out tomoz night dunno.

You ok? Please be safe and well ⚘🦄

[Guest8901]

You guys are making me feel paranoid now. I've gone back through all the threads I contribute to, as well as my own of course, to ensure I havent missed anyone when replying. I know sometimes lately I reply 'in bulk' rather than individually. However, if I have ever missed replying to either of you ... I'm terribly sorry. It would not have been intentional. Because I personally know how much it hurts to be ignored like that. Its happened to me a few times too. PLEASE .. if I ever do that to you, will you tell me? I value everyone's input equally. As you know, sometimes posts are held up, so perhaps the missing replies you refer to will still come through?

Love you both ... Deebs and Karen ... please try not to let things get to you.

Mandy

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB,

I feel sad that you’re hurting. Feeling ignored is a horrible feeling...

You sound so discouraged at the moment. I want to reassure you that you do help people. Even if perhaps sometimes you doubt yourself, your kindness and caring does reach hearts.

When it comes to posting, I feel everyone just does their best, and as long as that is what you’ve done (which I know you have), I feel that is more than enough. The real heartbeat behind each post is the caring intent, which I feel you have in spades 🙂

Thank you also for seeing how we’ve been doing. Grateful for your beautiful friendship ❤️

Love, light and super soul hugs to you,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Deebi,

Please enjoy your BBQ, today, and I think you should go out tonight and enjoy the company of good friends as it will give you mind a rest from your current thoughts..Please be okay my special friend, I really do love you.

Im okay Deebi, but not okay for volunteering today, I have a 9am appointment with MHN..I don't feel like that either..but have to go..I will see after that if I can get myself into work...

Please enjoy your day, look after yourself,

Love you Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄..

[white knight]

Hi all

Ggrand (lovely Karen), I'd like to address your disappointment in being missed in whatever threads you are referring to.

You said "tonight Deebi, I started a conversation in a thread, 3 answered my question, the host came in and replied to the posts before mine..I was upset but I waited because of my post and the three that followed mine..okay the host came back and answered everyone else except me..It hurt deep I care for this person"

A few things could have happened. The host had to reply to 3 posters before he/she would scroll up to your reply. By then 2500 characters could have been up. More likely they were distracted by the other replies.

I never have any expectations of anyone replying. Of the 240 threads I've written many go unanswered but...many do read them. My latest "bipolar downers" is an example.

Karen your progression has been remarkable. Sensitivity is one of the hardest hurdles to overcome.(Im extra sensitive)

Google

Topic: the benefit of the doubt- beyondblue

Topic: depression and sensitivity, a connection?- beyondblue

Cheers my friend

Tony WK

Sorry for the hijack