Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[PamelaR]

❤️❤️

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I hope you are ok, sorry Deebi, but I'm still concerned about you, when I say I'm just over everything, I'm not okay, so I thought I would call in and ask you..Are you okay? I just have an useasy feeling that your really not okay, and if you need to talk, I'm here for you.

Okay honey, you said your not depressed, so you must be extremely sad and in a lot of pain mentally and physically.

I have heard before that deep breathing can relax you and help with pain, I'm not sure if it works or not, but as I always say " anything is worth a try".

When I'm sad, I try my hardest to keep busy with something, like word games scrabble, find a word, Alphabetty or even solitaire something that requires your mind to be concentrating on. Remember you told us all a few times.." your mind can have only one thought at a time". so please honey please distract your mind from sadness, you are so loved/liked here.

Not sure if it's possible but, if you can, go outside find some nice grass take your shoes of and feel the coolness of the soft green grass. look at the birds flittering around and playing, listen to them singing, smell the autumn air, look around at the trees, look at the different colours of the leaves. feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, have a feel of being one with the universe, watch the leaves gently swaying in the soft breeze..Give you some very important you time. please be gentle on yourself, you are one amazing lady, you help so many people here on these forums.

Im just sitting here thinking about you, you're often in my thoughts, I care, so I worry about you, I think the two go hand in hand. I really hope you are or had a sleep today, you sat up all last night with the pain, I sat up all last night with you just in case you needed to talk, but I had a few hours after I heard from you so I'm okay now. How are you doing?

Oh our hands are super glued now, so your stuck with me. I might even think about super glueing my wing but then I won't be able to fly over to yours nightly, and I think they work better when their free enough so I can wrap them around you and deliver to you their magic of comfort and warmth.

Im with you now in sprit, my sweet friend, Please when your ready come back to me/us. concentrate on you for now get well, look after you, you are so important to a lot of people, your kindness and understanding of people is outstanding. Please be okay.

Love you Deebi, I'm always here if you want to talk or vent..

(L&C).

Grandy.

[Guest8901]

My dear DB. I'm afraid that I agree with Karen, in that to say "I'm just over everything", does not sound in a good frame of mind at all. If I was to say that it would mean just that - "I'm over it". It would mean I'd reached the end of my tether and was struggling to know where to go from there.

Okay, so crying all day yesterday and releasing all that pent up sadness and frustration was probably good for you. Although very exhausting. I'm sure the added tension would not have helped your neck and shoulder issue, so its probably not surprising that you experienced additional physical pain last night. I'm so sorry to hear it though.

I am encouraged when you say you're not depressed. One good thing anyway. I will try not to worry about you DB. But you know thats hard when you genuinely care for someone, as all of us here obviously do for you. So ... worry I will, and I feel sure others will too. We all want whats best for you DB. Hopefully we'll see you here again soon, and feeling back on top of things. You're always sadly missed, whenever you're absent. Because you are always such a caring and supportive presence to so many of us here on the forums.

Feeling sad, on your behalf, as well as my own.

Mandy

[demonblaster]

Thank you for your support I do mean it

I am ok slept all day

Yous put a lot of time into me to which I am truly grateful and don't feel alone here but there are other people that need yous.

No I don't feel like I've been supporting others much lately,  I read what and how others speak and feel so proud for them and receivers. I feel completely inadequate, not always but mostly. So no I haven't been helping others. Consistent at least at stuffing it

Don't worry about replies to this yous are beautiful but it is true there are people needing your time. I am ok

Thankyou again

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Oh no Deebi , please don't, if you go I go, I'm sorry I'll be back later, too many tears.

[Guest8901]

Deebs, please do not be offended, but that is utter rubbish! You totally underestimate your own worth. I so wish you could see and feel what we all do for you.

Sending love and eternal gratitude to you.

Mandy. 😇

[Birdy77]

Dearest Deebs,

You are so loved and valued.

Your fan club is large.

You deserve your VC badge.

We love you.

DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK.

Much love 🌻birdy

[startingnew]

DB you are more than deserving of the VC badge. Ive had threads locked too. Youve been doing an awesome job of supporting others. Im not on all the threads you comment on but i read alot and i love the way you post and alot of people respond to you.

I also find alot of your threads like the suicide and how to manage it thread and the depression thread and thr loneliness thread. Heaps of people are benefiting from those thread including me.

I know you dont see it right now as your in a slump but i also believe in you like you believe in me. Youll get through the SL and we are right here with and for you. .

Big hugs xoxoxo

[blondguy]

Hey DB

You are an integral part of the forums and always have been......Just have a look at the support you have 🙂

I just thought I would see how you are going as I havent been online for a couple of days

You have the experience and TLC to continue to help others that are doing it hard DB

My Kind thoughts and Hugz

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

You have been in an enormous amount of pain, no one and I mean no one can function 100% in even a little pain, but you you have continually come into the forums to support other people, ok maybe not as often as you would like to have been, but you have been in pain, and you are doing really good.

Your vc badge you have earned it and you still are, your threads, have helped so many people, YOU HAVE KEPT ME HERE TWICE..now that's huge, HOW MANY more people have you kept here that you don't know about.Your vc badge is yours you earned it. Please DONT THINK any differently..

You said you made stupid MISTAKES, Where Deebi? I've looked I can't find them. Even if you do, their mistakes, not deliberately done, I have written and listened wrong, you told me that it was not my fault, I didn't mean it and I believed you. I trust you, so I'm telling you the same Deebi.

You are of USE and VALUE BIG TIME. Deebi YOU are YOU, don't try to be anyone else, your posts are EXCELLENT people are different and say things differently, please hun you cannot and should not compare yourself to anyone ever..you do good the way you radiate care, understanding to people is you your uniqueness. That's who people love/like.You.

When your hurting so much physically my goodness Deebi, come on. What you wrote about yourself feeling inadequate, Why? Your not, your no way near it.. Gosh Deebi, how do I get through to you. Look at all the posts written to you trying to make you understand, you are THINKING WRONG..Please Deebi, sit down and read the love and Care coming out of these posts to you. We all care so much for you. I don't know about others but I'm hurting big time for you.

Im sorry Deebi, but I'll put all my time into you, I will get you to see your worth and value here, I won't give up, you are so important to me..

Im so frustrated atm, because I feel inadequate getting you to know how much you are needed by me and others, geez Deebi, what can I say to make you realise this...Maybe for now slow down, stick to your original threads and the people your already supporting until your physical pain eases..and that's a lot of people Deebi. If we can help only one person see the light, that's a huge achievement...

I hope I haven't put a strain on your frienship to me by what I've said, but Deebi I love you deeply and care so much.. I'm not giving up on you EVER.I hope you understand what I'm saying..Forever is a long time, but I don't care,mine got the time.

L&C

Grandy