Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[PamelaR]

Hello Deeb

Birdy's right DB. Agree with everything she says.

Birdy 😉. All is good LOL.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄

Are you okay?..I'm concerned about you a lot.

Love you deeply 💜.

Grandy..

[Guest8901]

Dear DB,

I'm thinking from the 'likes' on each post that you are at least reading. Just want you to know I understand and care deeply. I hope your pain levels are diminishing, both physical and emotional. You can and will bounce back.

If you need some time out, I understand, so please dont feel you need to respond. We will all be waiting for you when you feel ready to come back to us. We all love you just the way you are, and we all want you back when the time is right for you.

You have devoted so much time and dedicated care to the Forums over the past few months, and doing little for yourself. Time for you now my friend. Do whats right for you.

Care deeply for you.

Mandy

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄

Im just popping in because I want to talk to you.

Deebi, your a very special person to me and to others here on the forums, I know your crying, sad and feel rejected, but you haven't been, your a gentle, sweet, kind, sensitive, thoughtful, beautiful, compassionate lady, that I love and I promised that I would never leave you, honey my hearts breaking with yours, what hurts you hurts me, you see sweetheart I've been crying since very early this morning for you, because I told you, you are a big part of my heart and I meant that..truth..

If we could pick a sister I would select you without even one millionth of a second in passing time, as my sister and bestie I would comfort you, hug you protect you and love you with every gram of my body which I do, and am trying to do.

Please don't retreat into your mind, You are so loved/liked by so many people here, Geez I wish I was there talking to you, this is so hard this way..You do good here, I mean that. You have a unique way of helping people a one of a Kind uniqueness that's you, a special thoughtfulness that people love and understand, you touch people with your kindness and care, your heart is pure Gold sweetheart.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say to you..Please listen to me I'm telling you the truth, depression the beasty is trying to get hold of you, please honey don't listen, please be okay..Get your fire going. breath counting your breaths,

How is your shoulder, arm today, I hope they are not to sore for you..Geez I'm so worried about you, love you so deep Deebi, you really have no idea, how deep.

Can I sit with you tonight to look at the stars, watch them twinkle and shine, put your head on my shoulder and slowly and gently close your eyes, and go to sleep, we can sleep outside tonight and breathe in the fresh night air..

Please take all the time you need to heal, I'll wait for you forever, but I can't handle the pain of not knowing. I'll be sitting up late tonight, watching over you, holding your hands, with my angel wings wrapped firmly but gently around you, warming your beautiful soul.

I hope you have a deep sleep and some beautiful dreams.

Love and Care Deebi,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[startingnew]

hey DB sitting with you too and hoping your ok xoxo

[white knight]

Hi DB

You have many people worried. We all hope you are ok.

What has happened in the last few days reminds me of how I once was. Full of love and care and energy. I'd come up with many concepts and inventions. I was a little radical, I'd think outside the square. But for many reasons I got into trouble and crash. My intentions were honorable so why did I clash?

It is a case of our enthusiasm and good intentions over riding the boundaries of the system. The system in your case is a mental health forum with definate rules and limits. These boundaries are there for the protection of members and the "health" of the forum. We habe to work within it. Thats just how it is.

The reasons for some of this may not seem obvious to you. We have all broken the rules including me. I got upset but bounced back because this forum is like home to me and I can help people.

You have helped others immensely and that is why bb recognised you as such. You are kind hearted and you mean well.

It would be good to see you return with a new understanding of the system of which we work under.

We are all special people here and you are no exception. You are one of us.

Tony WK

[PamelaR]

🕊🦄

Thank you Tony!

Deeb please come back to us!! You are one of us. I miss you terribly. You make me laugh. I want your laughter in my life. It helps drive away the demons. 💐

Hugs and more hugs

Pammy

[demonblaster]

Thanks for your concern

I'm ok, cried pretty much all yesterday got it out of ny system

Arm,shoulder gave me hell last night stayed out had couple drinks couldnt pill suffered. Have. Gunna sleep

Not depressed just over everything atm

Don't worry and thanks again

Love you too Grandy

[Ggrand]

💜..

[Guest8901]

💜 👍 🌺 🌞