Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Really appreciate that Peps, holding hand xx

Yeah slacked off frustrated about something here. Love it here, don't agree with everything but know it's run VERY well & everything intended for right reasons

[Peppermintbach]

Oh lovely DB,

Soul hugs 🤗 to hopefully lift your spirit a little...

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

You're really sweet Peps how are you doing these days

[startingnew]

hey DB

sitting here, holding your other hand while you get through this

sending loads of hugs as i know something else thats bothering you and probably running through your mind as well in regards to the other thread. ive only just logged back on after a few days and trying to catch up

what your going through is serious and your more than allowed to be scared out of your mind but you dont have to do it alone. you have all of us here and your family offline as well as i know they love you jsut as much as we do here xoxox

[demonblaster]

that's beautiful Starts thanks darlin, I've been thinking a lot about it not stressed or scared just gotta see what happens & yeah ya feel vulnerable we always use to do stuff together I looked after him there 7+ mths

I'm ok not firing on all happies but ok..........thanks hun how are you doing? was thinking about you wondering.w
Was lovely you coming in before and asking how I was going (other day xx)

[startingnew]

your still allowed to be nervous and things DB, dont deny yourself of that. your more than that but it doesnt mean you can be scared and brave at the same time.

"the thing about being brave is it doesnt come with the absence of fear and hurt. bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt int he face and say 'move aside you are in the way' "

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB, Wings and all;

Thanks DB and you’re such a caring person to ask 🙂

I suppose I have been doing a fair amount of thinking and reflecting. Feel as though I’m a paradoxical mix of being thoroughly lost and focused at the same time. Strange, I know. Lol. I haven’t quite managed to gather my thoughts yet...

NYE was good. I love NYE as it’s typically one of my favourite days in the year.

Thanks again for asking 🙂

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thanks Starts yeah not nervous about seeing surgeon but as long as it doesn't get worse between now & then it's more being vulnerable & going to the hosp where the ghosts are

Not to say after I talk to them maybe stressed about what's gunna happen from there but yeah ok atm, there's others I could ask but don't want to just hoping the one that offered can the one I did ask can't but can kinda

Back home tomoz, think gotta work harder on liking my own company, coming a long way but not there completely yet so yeah but usually happy if I have a bit of people contact most days which I usually do on walks.

PEPS you darling girl, awful where you're at floating not knowing why, been there, it's quite disconcerting isn't it, you know you can open up anytime here xx
You too Starts SLD xx

[Ggrand]

Hello DB, Peps, Starts

.. ((soul hugs)).

I'm holding your hand now..DB..

Have a safe trip home tomorrow, I hope your time with family and friends is something you can look back on with joy in your heart...

Care DB....No words are coming, tired mind..but if ok with you.....will just sit quietly with you and just look at the stars and wonder how amazing and never ending the universe really is.

Kindness.

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi caring, loyal DB and all;

You know, we are all so lucky to have you here as our friend. Thank you...

I would like to second GG’s well wishes for a safe trip home tomorrow.

I recall you saying that you’re an extrovert so it must be particularly difficult to go without company. Hopefully, you’ll find ways to make the most of your own company too.

You’re so kind to offer such beautiful thoughts and care to me, and others, despite all that you’re going through. I’m very grateful.

With you in spirit and sending loving thoughts.

Pepper xoxo