Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

I’m pleased to hear that you went to the Dr. and will go back..Very good girl.🧸..

Deebi...Since I’ve been getting to bed earlier and around the same time..I’m feeling much stronger in my body..Please try both of you to go to bed at a reasonably good regular time each night..Truth honey..one of the first things my Dr. asks me is about my sleep and how long...it’s extremely important, our bodies get damaged when we don’t sleep regular hours..and even if we day sleep..it does fix the damage that lack of sleep causes us..it takes away our tiredness but not the damage to our bodies.....Sorry honey I sound like a busy body old grandma...but I’m concerned about you....because I love you..☺️..

I was lucky..monthlies finished for me at 46 no hot flushes nothing at all...stress caused me to stop early...I’m not complaining though...😂..It’s okay to go with your gut feelings as long as you get checked out by a professional..

I hope you and your beautiful love are both doing okay..well better then okay of course..It’s been a cold day here today bit of rain early..which left a brilliant double rainbow 🌈. the colours were amazingly bright..Suppose to snow tonight in bigger town...which means I will wake up to sloshy freezing cold sleet...❄️🌬🌫...brrrr 🥶..

I made a yummy chicken chow mein..lots of cabbage..I love cabbage but forget I do...and some veggies as well with some noodles...made about 3 nights worth...please both of you come over and keep me company..Trying hard not to let loneliness get me down..but it’s so hard...I’m okay so please don’t worry...I done some shading practise for drawings..I am doing it through you tube....I need lots of practice..without proper shading everything looks flat and meh.....

Love talking to you, love our time together, and love you bbff..yadimh..💜🌈🕊🌱🦄👼🧸🍫🍫..

Love, care and hugs everyone....💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🕊🌱...🌹

[demonblaster]

Hey there bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and all ☺

Me too Grandy I love our time and you too 💜 Thank you for popping in it's lovely seeing you.

Oops soz hun I should have been clearer I saw Dr ages ago about the foot. He was away for extended time and now the Covid but I will & mention about the other. That happened before I remember and it was all ok but I'll check into it.

You are right about sleeping hrs I was saying that you said out of caring and we do need to. Much too late and I've been late up.

Widdle niggly 🤕 today and the occasionals but it's bliss having a run with mostly none.

You don't sound like a
busy body Grandma at all. I love that you care so much and you explained that well. Thank you beautiful friend soul sister 😚

Same I finished mine early probs about same time roughly. So good not having them. I was lucky didnt usually have too much pain.

We're going really well thanks Grandy he's a real sweety 😍We get on very well and talk about stuff if need be. Absolutely adore the darling heart.

I can imagine how cool it is for you todays quite a bit cooler. Fresh. Not freezing like at yours by the sounds.

Yes cabbage is nice I like it too. Sorry I replied at yours about tea 😄 clearly confused and it was lovely thank you darlin very sweet to have us over. I took our virtual oh they need another cuddle Destiny and Eternity they love you and the furs so much. Mr Deebi 😍 isn't a puddy tat lover but he'll melt soon enough I showed him our kittys the other day. Oh come ere cuteys yes and you Mr gorgeous 😍 He likes doggies.

Jeepers sorry lovey I answered about your shading and loneliness too at yours.

Love you so much Mrs Grandy our times absolute 🦄 you're a beautiful friend my darling.

Hope everyones day has some light in it. 🌹

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦄😍💗🍫🍎🐑🤝🐧

[demonblaster]

BP day 4 or 7/8 ish

I started doing some drawing recently and didn't realise BP was the motivator.

About 3/4 days ago I was feeling pretty average. Managed to snap out with self talk and have been concentrating on happies and goods in my life at a fairly steady flow. Mr 😍 gives me so much happiness helps no end.

Yesterday I did some jobs literally for yrs I've been meaning to 😆Feels so good getting them done.

Pretty much every single thing I was in touch with or close to I dropped or fell on the blasted floor yesterday couldn't believe it. Wow I was getting the whoops big time which usually I don't let it annoy me but later pulled out and laughed but was still irking somewhat. Seriously I doubt in a lifetime I've dropped or knocked so many things. Unreal.

I'm not posting for support not that I don't appreciate which I deeply do it's just I'm mostly ok and couldn't believe I slept till 1pm today.

Didnt sleeper last night but could have. A couple other previous nights sleep was taking a while and up earlier. Classic signs of starting mania.

Bit tired but holding atm.

Thanks listening and caring

Best wishes for everyone ☺

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....and everyone....🤗..

I hope you are okay...Looks like we have synced up with our episodes...Maybe twice a year this happens....Bpaly...

I wish I could understand my BP the way you understand yours.....

Awe poor Deebi....Dropping things and them falling to the floor...and you bumping them as well...I liked that you had a 😂, about it....

Good girl sleeping until 1 o’clock...you must have needed it so body and mind did it to help you...In sleep if we dream of nice things our mind and body goes into our dream space and gives our soul a much needed peaceful healing nourishing rest...

I think if we don’t dream, then our soul is in need of healing and finds a bright star and lays on it to absorb the brightness of the star’s light to enter into our soul..

Wanted to say good night to my bbff....and hope your sleep tonight is refreshing for your tomorrow...

Much love precious friend..🌹💙🦋🕊💜🧸🤗..

Night night everyone....

love, care and hugs everyone..💜🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌈🦋🕊🌱💭

[demonblaster]

Hi everyone 😊

You're a dear lady 🤗 thank you for your caring loving words especially when you're in the deeps.

I was blown away when I realised you were in BP. we know we're close ..phooeey we sure are 😆

I like very much what you said about dreaming/not dreaming & our soul drawing on the light from a star that's very beautiful Grandz.

Thanks lovey I can't believe I wasn't aware of being in mania in the first burst. I considered it cause basically it's the only thing that drives me for most things. I should have clicked when I was craving for a durry. Not buying any this time btw but picked up a butt today and had 3 puffs. Going ok without but craves are there intermittently the pffttss

I woke having a nightmare. I had no choice to save whoever and myself from snakes 😨 I had to catch the mutts by the head for goodness sake 😆 and was in a terrible state with pain down my arm because I'd been bitten. The charmer was a dull Yellow. Thank heavens the pain settled which I woke with it was wicked. And a slight 🤕 which has settled too yay.

I've noticed physical pain in sleep brings on nightmares or bad dreams. Had a few lately. Delighted I'm sure.

Oh wow forgot to tell you good ole mania helped me progress further on the card for mil. I'm starting to be quite happy with it. Just a couple of sections I'm struggling with but as you kindly said I'll work it out at some stage. Stoked. It's good breaking through.

Mania is ...😍 ..wow..even the baby ones like these it's ...I'm starting to wonder seriously Grandy still...what if ok maybe not all of us but most can achieve at least for parts of our lives.

I find it hard to believe if it's a chemical thingy that other people don't have it in their heads too. Just something sets it off.

Goodnight beautiful. I tucked you in, wrapped the warm "Blanky" which you don't need others because it's auto thermal or cooling depending on body temp forgot to tell everyone that got one. Furs kitties cuddled up and Mr 😍 and I in your spare room close by beautiful.

Thank you Grandy for that beautiful bbff comment at yours it touched me deeply. Ditto too my gorgeous one.

Nigh nite good kind caring people.

You're such a treasure my precious friend. Always sending you my deepest permanent growing love 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯😚🤗🤝✨🕊🐩🐕

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

What you up to lovely friend...?

I’m sorry about your nightmares..they really do wake us in fright... I remember a few times dreaming about bads and waking up with aches and pains...Strange how that happens... I’m wondering if our subconscious remembers the dream and passes it to our conscious mind when we wake up...Dreams of snakes 🐍..Maybe came from my post a few days ago about not walking in summer because of the snakes .

I checked in my dream book.....

In ancient times, snakes were seen as signs of transformation. If snakes appear in your dreams, it can signify that you are moving forward, are healing and have entered a phase of personal transformation. Most likely, you have moved beyond a hindrance on your path that existed till recently.

Same Deebi...I thought about BP and chemicals reaction...Why some people and not others...I keep thinking must be a cause..idk maybe the first few months of our lives, we lived in heavy metal areas, car fumes, factory smoke, spraying chemicals on vegetables..and an intolerance to the gasses they all produced in the air back then, and with intolerance our tiny little brains were effected...Hmmm maybe I’m talking silly..but hard to believe that some babies are born with BP...

Very well done with the card..Doesn’t matter whether in or out of BP..you’re still keeping with it...I hope you’re proud of you...I am🍫..there you go honey a chocolate to celebrate your achievement..

You have so much insight into your mh....and the strength needed to choof it off...I wish I could do the same...I try to go back inside myself and make myself numb of all emotions when I go into BP mode...It’s like I have 2 different people living in my brain...One that can take over my emotions and switch them off...then the other one that can switch them back on for a while for a full explosion of emotions...Do I make sense?...No!....my survival mode when showing my emotions made it worse for me..I completely made my brain numb to everything/body around me....Sorry honey I talked about me..

Gotta tuck my bbff in before I go to bed..and light this beautiful lavender candle 🕯 for you...

Deep love bbff...with lots of 🧸🤗’s...💜💜🕊🌱..

Good night with peaceful dreams tonight lovely friend..I whispered in the ear of the dream fairy..for some healing dreams tonight..bbff...sss.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🦄👼🌹.

[demonblaster]

Gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all hey ☺

Pleased I've got those bits done thanks to mania motivation and energy. Mostly we watch TV which we both enjoy.

I'm trying to get back into a sleep routine you're right it makes sense it's better for us to keep the rythym same. Our bods need mentally esp good sleep. I'm trying day sleeps when needed now.

Pretty ragged but not exhaustion thankfully.
I'm hoping to get out of this quicker maybe within a wk.

Was a bit blaghh today but was able to deal with the rot by hearing tnoughts but not going further. Didn't work all the time but then redirecting thoughts and focus to better. A sleep helped too big time.

Good thought darl about you mentioning snakes. Joking but roight thanks for that 😆
Oh wow I like that a lot from the dream book it blew me away at the accuracy for the most. Thanks for doing that sweetyheart 🤗☺

I am starting to turn corners. It's a hard slog but worth it thanks to here majorly
I accept it'll take a lot longer. That's ok it's a lifetime of pain to manage choof and relearn

Yip there's a reason for everything
I like that you explore different possibilities.

Mercury I think affects the body so why not other things. Nice one Grandyfloss👍

Good point ☺ re mania or not with art. It's just I love that mania allows all the stuff to happen and that I was able to think of patterns that months I haven't been able to.
I'm going to try hard to follow through. Mmm inhaled the 🍫 why thankyee mam 🤗

It does feel like two people I know exactly what you mean.
Yes I understand exactly what you're saying.

Please hun never be sorry talking about you here.
We're so close it feels like we're part of eachother sss 🤗💜

Oh that was so warming you tucking me in thankyou dear darling and what a gorgeous lavender candle you're such a sweet person 🤗

Btw on messenger the rage bloke about 3 days ago made contact. I thought he would we have a good friendship but thought it'd be earlier.

What a shame he's still in a hard mindset and clearly although still here given up on happiness.

I'm not giving up on him. Good he's talking in tiny bits.

I'm glad to try but it's hard being in BP coming down.

Ok finish watching the chase with my 😍 then beddy byes.

Love you dear darling bbff spirit soul sister sss. Thank you for being so beautiful and loving 😚

Nigh nite everyone 👋☺😴

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🦄😍🌱🍫

[Ggrand]

Good Night beautiful Deeb👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗...

I needed to say good night to you my dearest bbff...

Will chat tomorrow...if that’s okay...

I couldn’t go to sleep without wishing you a good restful sleep....

[Ggrand]

Silly me I pressed post before I finished...

Wanted to just say that There are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family..Thank you for being in my family..Love you dearest bbff...sss..🦋💜🕊🌱🦄👼...

Sleep well with dreams of floating on the clouds and watching the stars flow past you...and fill your soul with heavenly starlight....

Care, love and hugs....24/7...365days..🧸🤗..💜🍫💚..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼...

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...🤗,

Its not in your heart to give up on anyone..you have a golden heart beautiful bbff....that’s one reason why I love you..plenty more reasons as well☺️..

Its good to hear that you’re turning corners...it does take hard work..and I believe you have the want, determination and strength to do so....

I have two people in my brain..one is the broken person, the other is the person I know that hides deep within..the happy person that I need to find and nourish....that I find for a few seconds or minutes at times....

I can relate to the rage guy...sometimes happiness is just to hard to seek out...I really hope that he eventually finds some peace and happiness...

Definately is very hard coming down in BP...but hey bbff we got this, because we have each other...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗...

What are you doing today precious friend...Me I’m going to try to vacuum my house, wash the dishes..and that’s enough for me...I hope your day has some beautiful highlights in it...

Deep love and care bbff..alway Please you okay..🧸🤗🕊🌱💜...

My love, hugs and care to everyone listening..💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼..🕊🌱..👂👀💜💭🤝superglued...with a 🎀 ..