Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi🤗 and all...🤗...

Im just about heading off to bed now..just wanted to call in to say good night precious friend...

The rain never fell over my home today...I did have the pleasure watching it fall over the mountains in the background....can’t see much, the mountains disappeared into the black clouds and looked hazy as the rain fell...I could smell the rain...

I wish so much that we could go treasure hunting along the beach together, or in a a bushy reserve somewhere..we would have so much fun....

Sweetyheart...I’m sorry about your foot...I wonder if crutches would help you when you went for a walk..or your walking stick..just to keep some pressure off it....Maybe still is in its way out..I remember a day or two, a few hours without pain for a while before it ran away.....hoping so much that it choof’s off quickly..

The seeding sprout today...the leaves are pink and white...which is very strange...I’ll keep my 👀 on it...

Thank you saying you don’t find me clingy..or no pressure..I miss you a lot at times....I go into a fantasy land many times going on walks with you, watching the stars with you, cooking dinner together....It’s like your spirit is here with me....Maybe I don’t make any sense at all....Idk..

Its good the carbuncles are nearly choofed off...Without surgery or lancing....any idea honey what caused/causing them..?

Good night precious bbff..alway yadimh, lysvm...24/7 pubaok..Love you and cherish our friendship... 🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹

Giving you this lavender scented 🧸 teddy bear..she’s so soft and fluffy...and really cute..When you wind the little key at the back..she plays “weightless”..to put you into a deep and beautifully calming sleep...

My care, love and hugs everyone...🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼🕊🌱..

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and everyone 🖐☺

Always so good seeing you lovely one. Oh loven the fantasy times doing things together that's so lovely hun. I too have imagined us here or your place or on the beach. Oh hun I'd love too. Love our time.

My darling can smell the rain too lovey. Would have been pretty cool seeing it over the mountains for as long as you could. What a spectacular view those mountains.

😆 I thought you were mucking about the choccy seeds. So they're real are they. They sound pretty too. Yip keep your 👀 on them honeyheart how neat.

I think because I've done so little walking then when I do pfftt. Wish it'd rack off the Achilles been ages.

Well doc said in the nose and under the nails harbor the staph germs so I've been using an ointment for under my nails and in the nose. Also going to have a thorough blood test must get cracking and get it done.

Thanks Grandy for always being so beautiful and caring. You really are a fantastic caring loving friend.

I was wondering how Mrs neighbours widdle chicks are going hoping you've seen the gorgeouses. And when you have the holter monitor. Think about you a lot sweety Grandz 😚

Oh that's so cute the Teddy thank you beautiful I love it. I bought it over to yours to put you to sleep too 💜🤝

Hope your days been a better one darlin and that everyone's has been good too.

Love you very much Mrs beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 appreciate you and the lovelies here so much 🤗

Sleep well huns you must have really needed that 12 hrs yesterday poor love. Glad you got a big one.

You're 🦄 🤝🍫✨🔥🦋🌹🏠😍☄

[Ggrand]

Heel Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all...

I remember having a swab of my nose done for my boils..yes they said staph..but I never agreed with them..I know for me it’s fresh whipped cream...I get boils when I have coffee frappes or cream cake...um..it doesn’t stop me from indulging once in a while though....

The choccy tree is fantasy..it’s about 3’ tall now..and has pink and white little pillows growing all over it...I decided I would try them to see how funny the chocolate tasted..ooops..The choccy’s turned out to be soft fluffy marshmallows....They are yummy...maybe we can trade some chocolates 🍫 with our gentle Peppy for some marshmallows..oh they other way around..Chocolate coated marshmallows are yummy...🤪🥳..like a party in our mouths😂..

Mrs. neighbour..I haven’t spoken too much..She has a friend visit her most days..The chickens would be grown up by now..she will keep those one and menu the older ones, she does the same with her ducks and ducklings...sad..but it’s how she grew up as a child..I don’t judge her or anyone..People live differently everywhere around the world, and we have to accept that..

Hmmm..yes my bbff..you need to look after you as best you can and get the blood test done ASAP....an hour or two to get blood tests done sweetheart could end the pain of those carbuncles..🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Teddy 🧸, helped me to sleep as well..so thank you honey..

Its hitting zero tonight..Love been snuggled up under my doona, and feeling snuggly warm..

Love you bbff...one day beautiful friend, maybe these 🤗🤗🤗🤗..will be real...I’ve sprinkled some angel dust on those 4 hugs..so you can feel my love and care go deep into your heart and soul...🌹💜🦋👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧸🤗..

My love, care and hugs to everyone..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼..

ps..Good night everyone...stay warm and hoping you sleep well..🛌💤💤💤

[demonblaster]

Hiya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all you lovelies out there 🤗

Uh oh I've been giving you a fair few ☕ Frappes oopsy.
The goody about virtual is the tastes there but the naughties no.

No joy are they boils. I heard Carbuncles are a cluster of boils ick

😄 I love the fantasy 🍫 tree. At first I thought fantasy then asked Mr Deebi 😍 the gorgeous about seeds and we weren't sure 😆.
So cool can't wait for those gorgeous choccy marshmallow pillows to grow bigger. Yummm. Love the choccy Santas they're marshmallow too mmmm.
I reckon our sweety Peppy would help us out eh.
Oh think I saw a polk a dot leaf there. Liked the colours Purple blue and Red
Hang on I'll just dive into our 💼..ahh there it is 🖌 now we can 🎨 create some more.

Oh so you haven't seen much of Mrs neighbour. Yip that's right everyone has there way of living. You're a good lady Grandy I like how you respect people and their ways.

Yip just waiting a couple of days when I'm choccy free before the blood test my gorgeous. I will get it done soon pwomishh ☺🙄

Ahh so glad Teddy helped with your sleep precious friend it's a very special little part of our beautiful family 🤗

Yikes zero hun ❄hope you're all nicely snuggled up in your warms beautiful 👙👡 there you go that should help. I knitted them in .23 seconds.

Oh let's hope precious they 🤗🤗🤗🤗 become real one day.
So much love care affection and 🗯 my darling bbff oh and boo back ya gorgeous 😚

PubAok lysvm yAdimh dear friend. You're so VERY important in my life beautifulheart.

Nigh nite 😴 everyone hope your sleeps are really nice and peaceful.
Good days to follow lovely ones ☺👋

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🖌💼☕🤗🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all.....🤗..

Did you mention chocolate coated Santa marshmallows....I love them so much...can’t stop at one though...I remember once when I had an indoor fireplace I stuck one on a skewer and warmed it up...not knowing how hot inside gets..I burnt my mouth a lot....I don’t do that anymore😂..

I think Peppy will swap...all depends if our lovely Peppy likes marshmallows...

I nearly got you both with my plant 🌱...😁..The polka dot leaf..with purple..blue and red..I’ll leave for you..wonder what mix of flavours that will be...

Its good hearing that you’ll do your blood test soon..ha ha Chocolate free..I won’t tell them you waited.....because that mean hopefully a visit to you Dr..then you can mention your neck/arm etc...Although my Dr. is doing only by Tele Health now..not sure if yours is or not..Loved that you pwomishh me..💜🌹..

S..(ww)...asked me if I want to go with her on Monday to the Buddhist temple/ house..they live their....Its like a commune....for some meditation..looking forward to that...

People are all different from each other..respect is required for their way of living their life...

I hope it’s not to cold where you’re living..Although I think the coastal areas are warmer then inland..but I think the sea breeze would be cold though...

Thank you for the warm 👙👡..you’re getting quicker at knitting..not even a full second..😁...

Hope today was good for you beautiful bbff...and you done something nice for you..and Mr. B as well...He sounds very caring toward you....

Going for a bath soon with a bath bomb..it’s smells nice..it’s a purple one...

Love you to the heavens & back..💜🤗🦋🌹.My bbff..🧸🤗. Please take good care of yourself...🦋🌹💭🍫..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌱🕊..

[demonblaster]

Hi there bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 🤗

Always so lovely talking with you sweetyheart you have a lovely bounce, yip hard to explain but it's uplifting. Thank you for your beautiful visit friendship and company 🤗

Oh they're the bomb aren't they. Oh no you poor love I can imagine the pain burning your mouth oh darlin ouch badly.

I think if we give Peppy a polk a dot leaf she might give us a stash of 🍫 what'ya reckon Floss. We could flutter our eye lashes ...gotta find some.. 😇

So glad you liked my winter knitting 👙👡 yes they didn't take long but gotta say the cramps only just wearing off 🤜 but you know when you care so deeply anythings worth the pain 🙃

Wow that sounds awesome going to the temple to meditate. I think that'd be very good for you sweety being around nice calm people. Be nice to have some company and the learning would be a boom. So glad you're looking forward to that. Good girl.

It's starting to cool a bit hun Mr Deebi feels it more than me. I like it cool and often think about the cool on your face. Freezing where you are geesh I might need to knit you some more goodies. Have to buy more needles they keep melting with my extreme speeds.

He's such a sweety to be around Grandz a very gentle lovable soul absolutely adore him 😍 thanks Grandy 😚 After a few nudges of gentle persuasion 😄 he gave me some 🍫 that of course I'd eaten my share 😆 oh he's so sweet and cute

We sleep often but quite happy to and enjoy eachothers company we're barely apart. I considered a walk for us today but didnt. Did though go to the supermarket over the last couple days so a bit of movement there.

Oh that sounds really nice your bath 💣 enjoy that sweetyheart and I hope you have a beautiful pain free ouch you poor love it's rough waking in pain isn't it. What a shame honey. Colder weather stirs up pain too. I wonder if heat packs could ease it a bit lovey

Love you so very much beautiful sss friend. Nice to the heavens & back ☺

You're really so so lovely thank you for being you gorgeous love 🤗

Goodnight everyone 😴 sweety dreams ⚘

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🌈🌞❄🍫💣😍🤜👙👡

[Ggrand]

Hello. Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone....🤗..

What ya up to bbff....

I think our gentle Peppy would love a polka dotted marshmallow...After all it’s a one off and very unique like Peppy...I have teeny weeny eye lashes...need a magnifying glass 🔍 to see mine😂...

Awe poor Mr. Deebi...here you go honey..I made him a 🧣 scarf for his neck...a beanie 🧢 for his head..a warm blankly like ours and some socks 🧦...all knitted in a mixed coloured wool 🧶 ...with blues, grey, black and just a touch of pink..all in 3 minutes and 0.4 seconds...my hands are getting slower at knitting..Not like you bbff...melting the knitting needles 😂...Hey that’s a good way to start a fire if your stranded in the Bush.😁..Instead of rubbing sticks together...

Thats okay about the walk....when you’re ready honey...I walked/crawled/slipped and sliced on a walk yesterday with the newbie from work......it was so funny...

I like that your are nearly inseparable..I’m so happy for you both..🌹🌹..

The bath 🛀 💣 are really relaxing...and nicely scented..but I prefer bubbles more and so do my furs😂..

I remember last winter the same happened with hip/groin...Thank you bbff I forgot about my hot water bottles that I have more then one..so I filled a couple..one at my feet and I layer on one, on my sorest side..it helped..What would I ever do without you honey..😘..

Pubaok...so much love and care for you precious friend..💜🦋🌹🤗🤗🧸🤗..yadimh...and 💭 24/7...please look after you...with love and kindness...beautiful friend..

Care, love and hugs beautiful people..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🦄👼🧸🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi all other lovelies🤗

You're such a dose of light aren't you. Absolute pleasure knowing and loving you thank you for a beautiful visit darlin lady as always. Love your friendship and company.

Oh Grandy I've done more drawing a couple of times and will soon too again and not in BP woot 🎉🎈🎊💃

We didn't yesterday but had a lovely 😴 sarvo. So nice warm and snuggly.

I've been wanting to walk but we went grocery yesterday and was just a few things but wore dif shoes 👠 .. 😆 now the heels really complaining. Daghh. I feel a bit slacko not walking but hope to get back into it. Suspect heel will need an op. We'll see how it goes.

Back still has to click at least once getting up. I'm careful. At least the pains less. Does hurt these days but easier. It's when it'll click gets you waiting for it. Bit 😐

😂 dear darling Mr Deebi said thank you for all his clothes he's lovely and warm now. Wow you're doing very well with your knitting I'm quite impressed I must say dear love oh and that splash of Pink was quite the touch 😆 you're a classic beautiful one.

Yes I think Peppy would be cool about the 3D copy of the polk-a-dot mallow. Btw she's sending me an invoice ...you still have those return to sender envelopes do you. There's a good girl 😊

Cool you did that walk 😆 sounds like quite a workout darlin nice going. So pleased you had that time with her she sounds nice. Apart from getting crook that is poor love.

I'm so pleased hearing you got a bit of relief from the hotties. That pain sounds really bad you poor love. So many parts of our bodies can cause us grief isn't there.

Same beautiful what would I do without my bbff 🤗 SO much love and care sweetyheart. PubAok lysvm yAdimh precious love

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍👼🎄🐝👼🗯😂🎊🎈

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...🤗..

🚜...💨...💨💨..I’m Please Mr Deebi..is nice and warm now and liked the genuine hand knitted clothes..with a touch of pink..😁..

Oh no...different shoes and your foot started hurting again...poor my bbff...Maybe operation...Sweety..If I was their with you I would have taken you to the doctor ages ago..Please don’t put your health on hold...it’s so not worth it...You need to take the best care of you that you can...always...🤗💚..

My Dr. told me once.... because you’re getting older, doesn’t mean you should get aches and pains.. they are not a symptom of growing old...

The walk was hard to do...The area around her property is untouched bushland..So very beautiful..okay in winter to walk..Not summer though...too many snakes I would think in the bush...

Cant keep my eyes open precious friend..I think I need to go to bed now...Good night bestest ever bbff in the whole world..Love you stashes....💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋🤗🌹..big bear 🐻 🤗..

Night night everyone..care, love and hugs...🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼...🕊🌱...

[demonblaster]

Heya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and all 😊

😆 loved the puffs of smoke from vroom ya gorgeous 🚜 oh I love your vroom actually love ours they're absolute Gold.

Yes darlin the beautiful clothes are gorgeous and the splash of Pinks just ducky 🤗 you're a cracker

Yes I know you would hun I have been to doc but must get back. I like what that doc said about aches and pains I've been thinking about that.

I reckon that's wise about snakes in summer there. I'm so happy for you going to hers and the meditation hun can't stop thinking about it. Good onya Grandy 🤗

We got outta bed late again but had early morning off too sleep. Yip must get into better sleeping. Not everyday we have a nanny nap but most of the time which are lovely.

I haven't been back to drawing but am keen to so will.

Gut feeling says it's ok but at the same time is a bit of a concern that I've had some days of at times a decent lot of ... well let's say I'm well and truly past the monthlies. Could be the fibroids but I'll do a telehealth sometime soon.

Still doing the jigsaw not overfussed on the picture we were given it with the others.

Hope you're good Grandy and everyone 🤗☺

Lysvm yAdimh pubAok honeyheart sss. Love stays and grows with beautifuls like you 😚

Hope everyones days are good 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🚜🍫🍎😍✨🎄😴