Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy and Starts

Boyo it's 3.30am so only here for a bit but just want yous to know I'm ok sort of. Heads still there and vomited again not long after here but that's settled I think so probs Migraine. Was getting the sweats up for a bit and went pale, sure I heard the mirror get a fright 🙂heads a tinsy better but first stop chemist problem what I need they don't otc (over the counter) anymore and no script or ? Might have one there but they know me so should be able to get something or arrange a fax or ?

Geez it was all day and bad enough but good it didn't turn into a rager but increased over the last hr before bed.

Thanks Grandy I thought of the towel you'd said about previously but that went to the wayside when I was sick again.

Apart from MH and a shocker back and other complaint ? back related I'm good with health usually so it takes a bit to keep me down

Thanks both for your love and care, just wanted yous to know and not worry, it's ok I know yous understand but I didn't like leaving either of you when yous are in bad shape but tomoz sometime I'll beee bacckkk

😚🤗

[demonblaster]

BP day 6

Migraine woke at 3.30am nearly 6am. I'd consider the possibility this episode being very minor but for the amount of sleep last 2 nights nah but last night with headache slept with out a sleeper, good sign and haven't had downs yet which are inevitable but there's always hope for change

For about 10 minutes or more in the very mild mania I had which you do about things, complete clarity on how to get through and cope with depression, everything I've learnt the path was crystal clear. On waking and realising although my head felt not together I guess I'd been dreaming of the same thoughts that had settled before bed yet yesterday and now I don't have that clarity.

That's ok though because how I see it its in there it'll just take longer which is slow process anyway to make it. I didnt think more on it to avoid going into full mania but depending on how low the lows go this potentially will be a better overall episode but time will tell I need to go through catching up sleep first to know.

What I didnt like in the last long cycle (episode) is that until mania kicked in I didn't get my usual happies back but for a couple of wks guessing I wasn't depressed exactly and had a lot of varied people stimulation which was good but didn't lift me overly. Anyway that was then this is now but I need to keep an eye on progress. The last one took me to the deeps a few times amidst hards but hey I'm here still.

Atm apart from a burst watermelon head I'm ok mentally and going to make more effort this one as opposed to last I let it run but worked a lot on keeping calm and hell hard work on getting through some rough anxiety overloads but same got through.

BP hells a place the devil wouldn't be comfortable in.

I believe with learning thought and effort we can figure this out and I'm going to but on saying that my resolves sitting around 70% but that's enough to stay here and in time when I get more of a handle I'll get to the 90%

Birdies waking just love their sound, the peace and content I feel hearing them. It's a happy sound of life being lived.

Beautiful probably best time of day but I love/need my sleep so tally hoe good people

Peace can be achieved. It's in us 🌹

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and all),

I loved reading your most recent post. As always, you sounded so self aware and determined.

You have an impressive understanding of the “symptoms” (so to speak) of mania so it’s a real credit to you that you’re keeping tabs on your mood. I admire you so much...

Yes, morning bird calls are so beautiful. Nature’s little singers...

Also, thank you so much for the earlier post to me. Your comment about gifting me a 3/4 leaf clover made me smile 🍀

Funny coincidence (apparently the universe was listening lol) but that exact same day, I came across a preserved 4 leaf clover and 3 leaf clover necklace in an antique shop. I don’t see many 3/4 leaf clover themed things so it’s funny that I saw them on the same day that you said you wanted to give me a ☘️ Lol.

Super soul hugs and one chocolate (I’ll keep the rest)

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I won't write to much as I don't want your head to hurt too much by reading..

I'm hoping your migraine goes or at least eases off for you..Have you got a cool cloth with you, and some cool water to refresh it when needed? Please drink heaps of water, and I know this is hard to do, but if you can try not to overheat yourself..

Just lay down and feel the coolness of my cloud cloth as i gently wipe your forehead with the cool water, now your hair, just squeezing a little cold water on your hair to cool your head off,.. Awe poor Deebi.. wait I'll re dip into the cool water, here you go, I'm gentle wiping you forehead and face with the fresh cool water, I'll just place in around your shoulders, while I make you a cool watermelon and carrot juice, with inside...Drink this first, then I'll make you a nice warm cocoa with those teeny weeny marshmallows in it, to make it sweet and smooth...

Try to sleep as much as possible..My last episode I went down with the migraine, Please stay strong honey, don't let beasty take you down. I'm here if you want to talk or vent, you have really great insight to your BP.. Sleep now, if you can..

Ill come by yours later this arvo to make you some lunch and desert..so you just sleep MF don't worry about anything..

Waves to Pepper, and everyone 🙋👋...hope you're all doing okay.

Love you Deebi,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hi DB

i hope the chemist can help you out somehow. migraines are horrible and seem to take forever to get rid of. keep your room dark, sleep, (and call the chemist)

you need to take care of youself first. gentle soul hugs xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi.

Oh no Deebi, I hope your still sleeping...silly me..I put lunch on but forgot to turn the 🔥 on the stove...ooops it won't be ready until dinner time....

Howz about I make you a super special salad roll for lunch, with, lettuce, beetroot, celery, tomato, cucumber, onions, cheese, carrot, and mayo...Oh..I hope that's okay...but believe me dinner will be special..

How are u feeling? I hope your heads easing a bit honey..I will refresh the water for your cloud cloth..keep the cool on your head or neck..

Im watching and 👀 at you more carefully, geez I don't want you to get in a downer, If you do I will stay with you...I won't let you go..

Love the sounds of the birds, especially Morning and night time, beautiful music, and they learnt all by themselves..no singing lessons, how smart and clever are they 😂..

Okay gotta go stir our dinner tonight..please honey, please be okay.. Love you..

Oh..oh..Special... get rid of migraine hugs 🤗🤗. Take 1 every half hour until migraine has disappeared completely..

Love and care..

Grandy,

[demonblaster]

Peppermintbach said:

Hi DB (and all),

I loved reading your most recent post. As always, you sounded so self aware and determined.

You have an impressive understanding of the “symptoms” (so to speak) of mania so it’s a real credit to you that you’re keeping tabs on your mood. I admire you so much...

Yes, morning bird calls are so beautiful. Nature’s little singers...

Also, thank you so much for the earlier post to me. Your comment about gifting me a 3/4 leaf clover made me smile 🍀

Funny coincidence (apparently the universe was listening lol) but that exact same day, I came across a preserved 4 leaf clover and 3 leaf clover necklace in an antique shop. I don’t see many 3/4 leaf clover themed things so it’s funny that I saw them on the same day that you said you wanted to give me a ☘️ Lol.

Super soul hugs and one chocolate (I’ll keep the rest)

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hiya Pepstar darl always appreciate your strong support and friendship thank you lovey

Yeah it was incredible the path was so clear, it all made sense, that's one of the amazing things about mania it opens your mind to how things can be achieved.

I love how you word things like natures little singers and butterfly wings. etc You have a very good grasp of da lingo baby, must be the🍫 chocolate helping 😲😄.. mutters to self..only one..geez I'll be needing to gain more kilos soon 😆 ohh give me the day

Wow uncanny bout the clover necklaces, sound nice too, funny I was thinking I haven't seen much around...love things like that happening.

I've not posted for a bit but do keep an eye on you lovely I might need to catch up tho I think I'm on track.

hope you're ok darl sounds like although I'd rather you feel than not but a bit unsettling which hopefully will help you see your way and where you want to be in life ya lovely thing 😚 I know the feeling of the mind waking which is better than numb tho can be blaghh as you know ☺

Now you can't say I'm not generous, I thought long and hard on this...at least 2 seconds, so how bout a trade for 3 chocs for each leaf of a 3 leaf clover...I know...I know...I'm more than fair. Hey watch it...heard our gorgeous Grandy's gunna be sussing any choccy that falls out of your pocket 😨😒...keep your 👀 on her darl...📹

Hope your days lovely darlin you really deserve dear friend 🤗🤗 extra hug to help you make up your mind about ☘

I'm docile, you can see why I don't use the quote function often 🙃 re above post but used it for this one and deleted as I went. It was an accidental post 😶🤕

SLD my lovely I'm going to yours next hun thanks for your concern yes I ended up back in bed by 7ish a.m in the end and was a bit nauseous but woke headache free woohoo.

Risked full hill walk oh Grandy btw no foot pain yay but being careful.

I had a script for both pain reliefs for head so got one lot. It wasn't the head banger type which I've had OH GOD! feel like you're going to stroke out and the pain. This was a constant bad one nearly 24 hrs, I've had worse and not vomited so much better thanks 🤗

Really hope todays easier for you darling girl

💜🌹

[demonblaster]

You are precious Grandy floss? 🤗

Ok if you didnt see post above BP one, was a bit about the cold towels & in Starts reply about head phew

Ur sweet not writing much to hurt my head god I love you, you can NEVER write too much trust me.

Yes usually I do a lot of water. Loved the cloud⛅ towel (classic G) forehead shoulders dribbling on my head,hair. What a great nurse & ohh the hot chocs🍵 marshmallows you're so good at these, when I master words & expressing which these are helping me with, Im learning a lot of stuff from you and other beautifuls here I hope to meet your class of excellence 🏆Awe read mine 5/6 times 💜 I'm trying to reduce too much description, still learning from a great teacher & dear friend 🤗

😆 yrs ago I did the Tim tam straw and no one said 😄 cool coffee down first 😂 😨😬

Sandwhich lovely tea sounds yum thank you I use Deendy 🐍 to 🔥 the cooker 😆

Yes I wear 👟 walking thx ☺Glad you did that 5 min walk, facing your demons, very brave, hope it helped

Good keeping busy. Hate you're struggling. True the more sleep we get easier on downs.Good thought about emojis on downs thx (thanks I will

Yeah birdies not being taught ☺ such a pleasant sound.Oh thanks for Tigger reckon I'll need him and you soon but going to change mindset to I'll be ok. Wow loved the half hourly hugs ..🦄 they worked a treat

Thank you 💜 for always being here for me Floss you don't know how much I love and appreciate you.

Truth to all you beautiful souls here.. yous really do make a difference. Love to you all 💗🌹💙❤💕🍫🤗😚

A gorgeous nearly 90 yo lady I'm friends with from bussing we saw eachother today and had chat then coffee and a couple strangers sat with us it was lovely. I have all age friends.

Bbq tomoz.

Happy days loves 🌹

[Guest8901]

Deebs

As always, I continue to 👀 and👂but unfortunately 🙊 currently, and feeling very alone as a result.

With much love to you. 💕

Amanda 💜