Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Heya 😃 thanks re Planta Fascilitis I'll squizz it. A lady at the cinema said same, I said I'd heard that (from you) she mentioned which I've heard a tennis ball you roll it under the foot sounds similar to your arc work very clever btw and yes it made perfect sense 😊 Did full walk yesterday and it caught up hills I noticed more than down or flat walking but only a couple times so I'll get onto the tennis ball in case. Early so might be able to fix it with luck.

Sweet I'm 👀 you more today. I'm concerned tho your mindset is strong too so I won't talk anymore on it atm here so not to stir up feelings more.

That was sweet sharing the choccy ☺ thank you darlin and you're welcome for the lemon drink

Oh how lovely Ester Eagle, wow don't remember any dreams last night, apparently we all do but I'm not sure if someone that's completely insane does. Read yrs ago dreams are an equilibrium for the mind for balance of sanity vs insanity, in our waking times we're kinda normal

Hope you've been getting good rest floss and that today's good for you 😚

Did you get out for that walk the other day. Hope you're not too cold, here sit down hun, that's the way.. rest your tired body.. pop your feet up here.. oh yeah ..nice and comfy.. thats it sink into the recliner lovey. There you go.. a nice hot chocolate with your Purple and Pink striped marshmallows. Yesterday I had a spare 10 minutes, so I'm just draping over your shoulders and body this lovely woollen rug I knitted for you. Oh what a devine shade of mauve and those flecks of royal Blue and Red through it ...oh it invites such warmth. While I'm holding your hand and gently rubbing your arm shhh ..there ya go that's the way rest now darling you're at peace and secure in the knowledge of being deeply loved and appreciated 💜🤗💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

I hope your doing reasonably good today, I'm pleased you felt the massage....Thank you for staying with me today..

I remember the avengers..with top hat..they were good back then....but I mean super hero avengers..have sat through them with my grandson a few years ago.....Not seen recent ones though...Cinema is a fair way away..I don't think I could go on my own though..

Deebi, a glass bottle is a bit better then tennis ball..more smoother..but both okay..

Yeah sleep and emotions playing up together 3 nights now, not sleeping enough although I'm trying, just not happening...

Thank you for staying with me, 💜 Means a lot...

How are you feeling?

No I didn't 🙇‍♀️ get out for a walk yesterday..I did go out in my backyard a little, yesterday...It Feels eerie here, weird feeling I have been getting.. I will go for a walk soon, need to get out..

Thank you for the hot chocky, with the purple and pink striped marshmallows..hmmm ...yummy and warms up my tummy....

Ok I am going for a walk now, before I talk myself out of it...maybe just to the end of street and back,...gosh..I don't know why I don't feel safe walking..why I feel so vulnerable or like I'm being watched...I have to fight these feelings and just go...

I hope your day is a very good day, honey..Love you being here with me...Just love everything about you, your special Deebi.💜🌺🌹🍹..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..hugs 🤗.. xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Good Morning, I did a reply post you, not landed yet..will check back later, a few of my posts have gone missing, I think maybe internet here..

💜+👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩+🦄+🌹= l💜ve, cute Deebi..🐥🐣.

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Ahh sweety how awful, hugging you. I'm really sorry you're having those awful feelings they'd be very unsettling. I know that need to be out sometimes. Good on you you're showing great courage going out and facing that fear.

• Silently I take your hand and gently... remind you to...

• Focus only on slowly breathing in... feeling the fresh crisp air fill your lungs ...and ...out... as the tension leaves your body
• You're in the moment... looking around... 👀...really looking ... absorbing the beauty of nature 🍃

• The sunlight 🌝 gently bathing the land

• The golden beams reaching your soul warming your entire body
• You feel peace as light replaces darkness
• You hear...👂🏻

The mesmorizing melody of a magpies warble... amidst the birdies cheerful chatter...

The rainbow 🌈 illuminating it's vibrant yet pleasantly soft colours sits peacefully behind the most beautiful waterfall you've ever seen... the gentle flow of trickling water landing softly upon the pure White lilly pad flowers in a magnificent calm blue pond giving a sense of complete inner peace

A soft light breeze...washes ever so gently over your face... through your hair...giving you a deep settling sense of calm...

As it gently flows through the trees over the swaying grass... bringing the silence of stillness to life...

Your mind body and soul has been restored to a place of contentment and peace.

Love you Grandy. Always in my heart 💜

🌹

[Guest8901]

Hi to our lovely Deebs.

Few words right now, but always watching 👀 listening 👂and admiring 😇 👏 you.

Mandy 💜

[demonblaster]

It's comforting hearing that you're 👀 and 👂🏻.. thanks lovely Mandy and for saying that. Beautiful ☺

Same 👀👂🏻 you

Pat yourself on the back hun you're a tower of strength tho sadly I doubt you see it 🌹

Peaceful sleep lovely 🤗

[Guest8901]

Thanks Deebs. Sadly I feel dreadfully deflated right now and I dont know what to do. 😩

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,🦄

Awe really Deebi, thank you very much.. I needed someone with me,🤗 and to breath..I forget about how breathing calms me down..I started my walk holding your hand Deebi, I done it only around 5 minutes, but I did it when I didn't want to Deebi your really good for me...Love you..💜

Deebi....,🌹 beautiful, calming, your words, wow....Ive read your post around 5-6 times today to calm me down...very emotional now few days. I need to sleep more.

Deebi. All 3 of my sons contacted me today..it was nice, Youngest and adopted talked via fb messenger. My eldest rang. we talked but....not the same, but I'm so happy..but also well...um...🙇‍♀️ maybe later Deebi, i can talk to you about it..but not now, not here ..on my other thread..when your out of BP episode...No hurry honey, just look after you..

How are you feeling today? Please Deebi, I know when you go into deep downer, it's hard to talk, if you possibly can just send a magical unicorn,.or any emoji, send one that resonates how your feeling 🤔 no words needed just so I know your okay...

I'm going to get ready for meditation now,, I'm tired Deebi..lol I haven't stopped today, I vacuumed, dusted, washed. I kept busy for Distraction.. Now night time is always a bad and sad time, so heading to bed soon..

I hope your foot is okay, Deebi please don't wear flat shoes, if you can wear joggers. .

Ive bought you a really yummy sweet hot chocolate 🍫..with some tim tam biscuits..lol. Deebi, have you bitten a small bit off the tim Tams at two diagonal corners then use the tim Tams like a straw from the little piece you bit off...hehe when you do that the tim tam goes melted on the inside only...ohh I really do like eating them that way....I'm naughty..

Thank you again for your beautiful calm words I will read again before sleep...Ok I hope you sleep 😴 really good Deebi, the more sleep you have now, keeps the downers not so deep..

Oh..look honey..look what I found.....

A beautiful tiger..strong , powerful,🐅 Call on tigger tiger if you need some power or strength to help you..

🌹 Good Night honey, sleep deep and dream peacefully..Love you and I'm l👀king after you as well as listening👂 for you if you need me..

Love and care.🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

Good Night, everyone 🌹. 🤗.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I hope you read before bed..I know honey you have a migraine..please try to remember a cool damp towel, it brings some heat out of your head...

Good Night swee Deebi...Hate it so much when your sick..

Much love to you Deebi..💜💜💜.

Did a post earlier..not landed...geez our internet her is not good at all.

[startingnew]

Goodnight DB

thank you for your help. hoping that headaches eases. grandys idea of the cool towel is a good one plus abit of otc pain relief to help settle it down abit,

Night SL xoxo