Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hi Deebi, Thank you for getting back to me, I really appreciate it..I don't know Deebi, when you say your thinking of leaving here, I don't know I just crash big time..It's like I'm loosing a part of me..I don't mean to put pressure on you, just how it is,,I'm really sorry, I've just connected so good with you. I wish it was more then just through the screen.. I have replaced my loss... with you.. I'm sorry if I shouldn't have. It just happened.. I didn't mean it to. It just did..

Deebi,please be okay..Seems we go down together, beasty must have a twin and makes sure he gets us both at once..2nd time this has happened, but I'm okay when down can still do here..

Its okay Deebi, I'm ALWAYS here for you..regardless of how your feeling..

Try to sleep now, just remember I'm with you 24/7. Startingnew is right Deebi, breathe and sink into your mattress and your pillow, breath with every exhale you sink further into your mattress, do a body scan start at your feet and work your way up to your head..breathing rythmetically (if that's a word).. completely relaxed now your body and give in to sleep, a deep sleep..peaceful sleep..

Love you Deebi so much..

(L&C)..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Thanks beautifuls 🌹

[startingnew]

Also DB the word you were looking for re-my thread was called colonoscopy. Though i thought your word was rather cute

[Peppermintbach]

Oh DB (and all,

What an emotionally charged time you have been having lately. You sound so torn and conflicted...I feel for you, my friend.

Thanks for understanding my earlier comment about how people generally have a need for intellectual stimulation. If sounds like you are at your best when you get to discuss a variety of topics and learn about a range of interests 🙂

Lol. Your comment about “promoting” me from apprentice to something more advanced made my morning. How about senior apprentice (is that a thing)? Can we make it a thing?) lol

Love and soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good morning, Lovely Deebi,

I hope today is a lot better for you then last night..

Please be okay..

It looks like a beautiful Autumn day today, just like you. 💜Please maybe Sit on your balcony and have a cuppa and feel the sun on your skin if you can..relax your mind, body and soul..

Love you Deebi.🦄

Wishing you a lot of peace 🕊.

(L&C)..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebs. I am still listening ... always. Kindest thoughts and lots of love to you my friend.

❤ 🌝

[demonblaster]

Hey thanks so much guys seriously 🌹

So that was too much fun, slept well for bout 4 hrs and feel like my eyes are roar but going back bed soon and for as long as po. ATM bit blah but can handle WOW the power of pain but ya know that's coming from our brain and the good part or chemicals is just as powerful and I think can be more so with the right mindset and emotional control.

So for now I'm good and as long as "I'm a good girl" 🦄 and can avoid another mania I am coming out which is quicker but us it see its working out when the mania/s this time started so if when I think it's in 2 or probs 3 parts been over a week (mixed episodes yes and/or ? Ultra- need to research) so IF I don't have anymore visits to hell that was heavy hell but not quite as deep as they use to be, close though then big improves. Just have to ride it and see what happens in next few days.

So for now..."I am...bacckkk"..sort of lol

Lol Starts thanks hun posted on your thread and not the b lol gastroscopy is a stomach procedure through mouth. Oscopy is the microscope (look) Gastro pertaining to stomach. In case anyone reading

Lol Peps new position SASH 😆 Super apprentice Soul hugger hows that grab ya, hey I'm flexible xx

Mandy been to your thread reading. 🤗🌹 heart goes to you darlin thank you

Grandy Starts thanks so much, it's so frightening the depths you go isn't it. I guess some or mores adrenalin but I still am not feeling that which is good

Love Grandy ☺

WK if you're listening, I hate it seeming like I'm lying I just couldn't read it last night through tears even SW's (rock) post I could read but not take it in, then couple minutes later I read about depression here and threads but I tried again and couldn't so dunno why but I'll go back sometime and am getting back to your Listening thread have been thinking often about both excellent posts. Good you're better with MH

Thank you lovelies everythings still there and needs to be addressed some can't be ever and walls up again its a deep hurt, not anything they did to me and fully understand but can't yeah need not to think about it I guess.

Nigh nite or day day ☺

[Ggrand]

Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Deebi you are my sweet friend, 🦄

I've only ever told you with my pen,✍🏻

We're never ever allowed to meet,

But I know and can tell you are so sweet,🍯

When your sad and start to cry.😭

All I want to do is dry your eye👁

I love our time when we chat and talk 👂

Like the time you spoke of your scenic walk,👣

Your heart and soul they emit a brilliant glow,

it's really something that you should know.

Your loving, gentle, sweet and kind, 🕊

Another like you I'll never ever find

I've tucked you deeply in my heart,💜

So that we can never ever drift apart.

You mean so much to me sweet Deebi,🦄

I hope one day you'll really believe me.👼

(L&C).

Grandy..

[white knight]

Hi Deebi

Yes I'm reading here

Who's SW?

I think from memory you are bipolar? I'm bp2. Bp1 is far more intense, less insight etc.

Im here, not ever far away if you ever want to reply to one if my threads

Psychs, gp, etc have their roles, if I can help fill the gap left by them with my insight I'm happy.

Im happy you seem bubbly at times

Tony WK

[demonblaster]

That's very good of you thank you Tony, yes I saw you're BP too quite a while ago.

I was type 1 but now type 2, didn't have visual hallucinations, recently found out I have auditory hallucinations* grand deur or psychosis fortunately but the highs were outta this world as you'd know how it feels in type 2 just OMG. I've seen 3 psychiatrists not often and the first two a while apart diagnosed type 1 and 2 and I've gained insight as well as researched but don't by far know all there is but there's a lot to it isn't there
Think you said you're about 80% with your MH that's fantastic, kudos

*Pretty cool actually and not all the time, it's only when I try to sleep at times and it's like you're in a club and the murmur of people talking hard to pick out words and it's cruisy and relaxing but a chook I think scared the whoopys out of me, was sudden and loud lol,

Yes I've read some parts of your threads or whole of and want to eventually (trying hard to learn not to commit to anything and let people down cause stuff changes or mood etc) read more. Trying to learn to manage the threads and host mine better and mentally not to feel compelled to answer straight away & I do a LOT of reading too but to read more and back which I do too but need to, alot Learning here it's great. When I say I'm working on things it's in bits, takes an age most things. I'm like you a thinker, assuming you are by the things I've read and we don't get insight unless we think. Nearly all of the MH mob I've seen over the yrs intermittently have said I've got very good insight which is good to hear cause for many yrs I truly thought I was stupid, now I know I am ..nah lol.

Thanks yeah bubblies my usual way I am happy, even in the deeps around people I work so hard on not letting it out on them (not successful all the time, then ya feel like a heel) but bigs improves on that front too.

Do appreciate that and the mammoth work and help you do for people here Tony you champs you have my respect so does BB.

Go easy 🙂