Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Lol oh Deebi I am silly, I accidentally fell onto my iPad and I must have pushed post..

Look after yourself..for me be a good girl and do light strength stretching excercises I think your gp told you to do...walk gently, maybe kind of walk like your creeping around... just look after you..for me..

Love you Deebi,

(L&C).

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄..

[demonblaster]

Oh Wow how much I love reading your posts Grandy, they're so special thank you so much. I thought about the pressy lol. Just adore it 🤗

I replied to you and Doolsy yesterday not landed yet.

Grandy the time and effort you put in blows me away. I read other posts of yours, you're so warm kind and caring, you have so much compassion 🤗

How's your poor 🤕 today sweety 💆‍♀️

Pains woken me at 4am so in chair hoping it'll settle by itself

Hope you're ok Grandy, do you know how important YOU are and what a difference you make to many. There's magic in you

Love you Grandy ☺😚

No idea how I am today feeling a little worn and ouching so not much room for whooptee atm.

Thank you everyone for your kindness effort and time

Pam hope your heads 🤕 calmed too poor thing. Glad you're refreshed apart from that. Loved hearing what you said to someone bout chocolate the serotonin and dopamine woah bring on the chocolate

Take good care of yourselves and again many thanks 💗🤗⚘

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebs,

I was bouyed by your declaration yesterday that you had the best sleep in two months!

Sounds like last night was not as good, but it should give you hope that things are turning around for you, at last.

So sorry I have not been around much over the weekend. I have really had my hands full with caring for hubby. Not good. 😒

My thoughts are always with you.

💝

Mandy

[demonblaster]

Hi dear friend Mandy thank you for coming in and your kind support darl.

Yes I've been following how you're going, my heart truly goes out to you hun. You're in such a difficult place and yet you keep pushing through you're a lot stronger than what you give yourself credit for lovey.

Sending you warmth and security in 🤗⚘

You're a lovely person dear Mandy oh and thanks .. waving back at you ☺😚

Love you too dear Grandy rest your body darling lady that's taken it out of you poor darling and Pam hoping your heads settled too.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Deebi,

Sorry hun you woke with pain this morning, Please go gentle with your walk if you go.. oh Deebi, I so much enjoy listening to you as well, I look forward to hearing from you...Awe a Deebi I wish the whooptie (lol love that word). would come back for you...

The migraine has gone Deebi, well I hope it has, just feeling very tired with a heavy tight head,,but hoping that passes after a snooze this arvo..

So hope the ouching runs away and gets lost..You've had a really bad run with this shoulder/arm..So not fair honey..

Cloudy here today, we are so needing rain here, the poor cows across the road really don't have food..The kangaroos are coming down from the hills again looking for food..

Thank you for what you said to me....

Please be better then ok Deebi.

Love you Deebi..💜.

(L&C)..

Grandy..

ps..Ok I'll keep an eye out for your post..

[white knight]

Hi Nat. I might have posted this twice, such is my reception.

DAFFODILS AND YOUR WILL

There lies within, an inner self
Walk over glass to find herself
In a way a one girl marching band
Will they ever understand?

To pursue your roots is to fulfill
Who you are, like daffodils
Why so yellow at a certain age
And why soft creamy- centre stage?

Cast aside they go their own way
Expectations cause dissaray
Follow you nature chase your rights
What does matter is your plight

Little kids chasing eggs and smiles
What's important, stamped on their dial
As well as your strength and your will
Is why baby cradles ...daffodils..

At the stem there be roots and seed
Others might not see a need
But she isn't others not two of a kind
Shes a daffodil not a dandelion

Bloom bright and stand tall
Ostracized. ..let dandies fall
Your roots are you and your will
Roots and all..a proud Daffodil. ..

Tony WK

[Sapphire_]

Hello Deebee

Im sorry i havent been here for you lately. Just sitting on the side lines.

❤☀️🌹

[white knight]

Hi db,

posted that poem in the wrong thread. Teach me to read my mobile phone better and my reception in the hills is bad.

Cheers. I've been reading your thread. Hope your arm is better.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

My Dearest Sweet Deebi,

I read your late post, and it saddened me a lot..You are thinking wrong Deebi..

I think my young lady we need to havea little talk.😚

I'm concerned Deebi, just love you..I think as hard or as wet as it is you need to get this out, its taking my sweet Deebi down and I'm really sad and so afraid of what's happening to you, love you to the moon and back Deebi..

I have been supporting a lot of people, well I'm trying to, some new ones, some regular ones.. Okay the new ones some only post once then don't come back. The regular ones, well I have been ignored, they answered others and not mine, I kept replying, still I was left out, so I stopped, I thought okay, they are being helped more by the others posting on the thread, they don't need me, they are getting help, they will be okay, so I moved on..Deebi that's what you need to do. If they click to other people's words and getting help, (that's what this is all about).. move on honey, there's someone else hurting that needs your care and support..You are so important to me and yes others..

I have spent hours, doing a full page sometimes, writing to a couple of different threads that I've been supporting for a few months, then a new poster can say something that takes only a couple of lines. I get a reply of yeah..a few lines and not much thanks... the other poster gets a page long post, huge gratefulness and is admired, it hurt Deebi..big...even then I will still support them, the newer poster has become more important to them..This hurts me deeply..But in the end, the person needing help is receiving help, I will then read and keep up add a little now and then if I feel I can help and if needed do a helpful long post, if they are going down again..

Then I will look at the new threads and if I can relate or feel their struggles I will write a reply, and try to help. Then of course others come along, the newbies either stay with you or go with another..The most important thing Deebi is that you are still here for the people you have been supporting for a long time.. your SLD's..if I'm understanding it..

Deebi, honey..I think it's good if we have no more then a dozen that we can relate to at a time and help, because we get to know them then care for them, then we can help them more, if we have too many different threads to post on our minds can confuse us.. I hope I haven't hurt you..only said this out of love/concern for you.

Love you Deebi.

Grandy.

ran out of room. bbl.

[Ggrand]

Hello my dearest special friend,

Awe honey you need to get out of bed daily, get dressed, have breakfast, go for a gentle walk, please Sweetheart don't let a few words destroy your love you have here..Youre saying your not depressed, but you are and that horrible beasty is feeding you crap..Please listen to me..please trust me even a tiny bit, I would never say anything to hurt you ever...Get your little crystal heart box out and use it my treasured friend, please..Don't go down anymore..Geez Deebi, we don't have long between cycles, Please try not to be feeling sad in your okay time.. Be strong Deebi, self talk your way back ..if not for you....for me..please..

If I was there with you now..I'd be sitting down with you and be talking to you, I would be comforting you, I would be drying your tears, I would be crying I am now trying to get through to you that you have purpose to get up daily, and to be here helping those that you have been supporting for a long time.. I understand and I think I know you, a few weeks ago you said. You have found your purpose , this is my purpose, here..You were so excited and so was I for you..

okay im rambling on, I've lost myself now..Sorry honey..

If I said to you..I don't have reason to get up anymore..What would you say to me...Please Deebi can you answer that question for me...

Please Deebi get your little crystal heart box out..look atm..Belief, Hope,Faith and love and sweetheart..use all your energy, and mine and kick the Beasty and this sadness or void. Out of your thoughts..

Yes I'm definitely rambling, but I won't delete, please be okay..

Love you Deebi..

(L&C).

Grandy.