Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Thx lovelies 🐾👩‍❤️‍👩 hi readers 👋

Really appreciate you loves ☺

Looking like we'll have a house mate soon. I don't know him well but enough to think he won't do wrong by us.

Use to have quick chats at times and walked a hill one time then saw him again when gambling. He's been around you can tell. He confided to us when no one was around. Oh up there with the worst here and that's just the beginning. We get on well. Chatted ages today on ph also spoke of what we're like. I'd rather have someone I know a bit. Like him and Mr Darling does too hes only just met him.

Asked a lady I've known a bit from bussing but tho I like her I wanted this bloke. A few good qualities so far I've seen.

Dam this groin, no idea what stirred it up. It REALLY as it does hurt trying with emphasis on trying approx 15 mins to get free enough of pain enough to get out of the chair with pain. Intense. Seriously need this sorted. Have for yrs. Cruel!

So exhausted.

Yes with diabetes as youse mentioned gotta now look after feet.

Yip they still do rent assist darlin Grandy. They give half being a couple each close to $70. Pretty sure they didn't tell us which would have saved heaving crying this morning too.

It's a bloody shame when people lose so much just to spend their lives together. I get that expenses are shared but for goodness sake we'll still be doing it hard even with 3rd person. Be better when loans paid off from them in about 5ish & 6 mths.

The list I did this morning of our bills I couldn't do any food and Mr had under $100 left. Getting stuff in place to help with food. It's a bloody joke. So we each lose around $130. I didnt know they'd take so much.

On a good note...🤔... thinking...nah it's all just so full on atm. We still when unpacked have to get Mr's here too.

Anyway a bit better off. Yip Grandy it is hard to trust people I completely get ya.

Girls seriously thank you.

Nigh nite loved the hugs 👩‍❤️‍👩🐾💜🗯⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I wish you a lot of luck with your housemate and I’m also hoping that he is a decent, kind and honest person....If he does anything to hurt you or Mr. Deebi..I’ll be over so fast in my super sonic tractor 🚜..and he will have me to answer to....

Awe honey..it’s probably all the bending, stretching and lifting heavy boxes, bags etc that set it off poor darling...I heard before with hernia..not to life heavy items....Does a cold pack work at all...to reduce swelling?..

Deebi...St Vincent does weekly food vouchers...you could get one each every week..until you get on your feet..they are $50.00 each..which will give you an extra $100.00 for food weekly...also they help pay electricity and phones bills as well...maybe honey..pop into your local Vinnies shop and have a chat with the manager/ess their...

Take your time unpacking Deebi...their no hurry..even if you just unpack the necessities for now, until Mr. Deebi can get his things their...

Please bbff...look after you the way I would if I was their..I would move in a flash to be be able to help you with rent..imagine how much we would all have..as well as be their to help each other...

Big and genuine love and care for you precious friend..💚🧸🤗🌹🦋🦄👼..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Oh darlin nothing would make me happier you being here. I went into a mania got SO excited at the thought.

Havent heard back from the bloke I'm pretty slacked off.

Darl I'm in so much financial crap atm. Dear Mr sweetheart he's so beautiful I love him so much we're very happy togeather. He's such a sweety.

Had a shocker mood today. Still exhausted. Love it here and so happy with this beautiful man and I'm constantly stuffing up.

So scared of anything happening to him and you.

It's just crappo atm. No idea what to do.

Looks like its not the hernia it's fairly small. Hip. Cant afford seeing specialist. Probs either scraping the bone or new ball and socket.

Urgent eye needing an op too. Seeing specialist soonish.

So many parts of my body are sore very.

Going bed soon

Dear love puts up with my crap. He' so lovely the darling.

What a mess!

Love you heaps Grandy really do. 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯 always. I wish so much we could be in rl.

Hope you're ok. Thank you sweetyheart for everything you're a beautiful person 😚🤗⚘

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all

Atm I'm not doing well at all. 😭

I'm ok that the bloke isnt coming but miffed he didnt let me know. He apologised straight away for mucking me/us. Like him but had a couple days doubt including that he hadn't contacted me tho he's been in a lot of physical pain. Unsure if my doubts were coming down from a hard BP. There's been so much else on to add to it including an abundance of physical pain that mosts improving.

Had 3 spurts of 😲😡 hip pain last night completely unexpected just moving the leg slightly the mongrel.

There are many goods in my life. Being so financially stuffed is incredibly unsettling and horrid as many know esp with covid. I'm use to living broke. This is another level.

Very depressed atm but mostly able to channel it to just the problem at hand otherwise can be normal.

We don't want to but have to get someone in to survive. Same sitch as before here.

Another foul grotty mood yesterday geez I tried to not be a cow but was most of the day. So many apologies. This dear man took it all. In future I'm just going to shut up, I hate myself being like that which adds to it all. It's deep exhaustion, recovery from BP physical movement extra walking which has been a blessing/mental/physical pain/heavy pain meds/sleep erratic with littles in BP at times. Waking early having to get out of bed cause my backs aching. Hope to god that'll settle.

Grandz meant to say thanks re Vinnies weekly food vouchers. Yes we've had their help before and recently. Don't think they do phone anymore but might. Yes electricity which is all a huge help.

Lost 16 kg's. Happy about that. Probs put on 20 yesterday 😉

Thanks listening.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜 Top love Grandy

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....big hugs 🤗🤗

You have so much going on at the moment, honey..I wished I could help you to ease the physical and mental pain your feeling right now....🤗..

Keep using the food vouchers as much as you can..both of you until you get a bit more on your feet...Eventually you will pay your debts off..just give your debtors a ring or a letter to tell them that you’re very sorry..that your struggling very hard financially and are trying hard to pay them off...I fell a year behind on my land rates..and just ignored all the threatening letter I received but things got worse...so i range them and told them my situation and they were very kind accepting small fortnightly payments until I got on my feet again.....maybe give that a try honey..

As for finding someone to house share with you..maybe advertise on your face book page..at least you will know them a little..who knows if some of them are struggling with life as well....Just a thought dear bbff....I also lose em to be able to live from fortnight to fortnight..having to take Centrelink loans for car rego, land rates..even food sometimes..it’s hard Deebi...but I know you’re a very intelligent woman and in time you will work through it..I know how your hurting now sweetheart...but please believe in yourself and your very good qualities....

Hurts to know your struggling so much with depression, and beastie is trying to make you hate yourself..but please don’t listen to [IT]xx...Don’t hate any part of your beautiful heart or soul...you are one very amazing person...and many here will agree...

Mr. Deebi’s love for you is very deep and he seems to understand when beasty is trying to hurt you...truely he is a precious soul....

A little distraction for you bbff...You have a coat of many colours...Red, Orange, green, purple, yellow, brown, blue and green....Can you give me a positive word starting with the first letter of each colour?...no pressure bbff....Find Demonblaster and get her to help you answer them if need be....Here bbff if you need to talk...love goes deep in our friendships and so does my care for you...So please Deebi..please be okay....Always..yadimh and 💭 24/7..

Sitting with you, holding your hands..with all my love 💚, and care🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛...🦄👼...together forever in souls, hearts & friendship...

[Paw Prints]

Oh Deebi lass,

Sending you lots of the gentlest of hugs & caring thoughts...

Woofa sends you friendly snuffles & has offered to bark ferociously at beastie for you...

Lass you are a beautiful soul... ignore beastie telling you otherwise... if you need proof... just look at Mr Deebi... he can see the true you...

Love & hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩......and everyone...🤗..

Wow Deebi..I am sorry..I meant to congratulate you on your huge weight loss....I hope you are as proud of you as I am...🦋🌹...

I am dropping in...literally out my new edition to our bag...a jet 🚀..that flys itself back home after I have jumped out with my parachute ⛱...I done well on my first jump..we can do a jump together whenever you’re feeling up to it....but I must tell you it’s not a good idea to eat chocolate ice cream cake with strawberry sauce just before you jump.....😂😂..

How are you feeling precious friend...I’m kinda getting quite concerned about you....As your bestest bbff I am allowed to..in saying that no pressure to reply...maybe a little emoji to let me know how your feeling...🤔..My 👂, 👀 are on you honey...so are my 💭 about how your travelling these last few days....

pubaok....Deebi...talk to me..if you feel up to it...Here for you unconditionally bbff...with my love💚, care🦋, and giant bear hugs 🧸🤗..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 dear 🐾 Pawsy and readers 👋

You're a good bbff aren't you and Pawsy you're a pleasure to listen to hear love as with our Grandy reading your wise suppirtive posts.

Thank you girls I really am very grateful for your love care and support.

Grandz loven the rocket yes I'd love a tandem skydive. You're a crack up. We have so much fun don't we.

Sigh yet again another let down tho the first bloke I'm ok about tho we get on very well. He didn't contact, I had an attitude about why should I chase him for the room. Said in a couple days he'd get back to me. I rang after a few.

I was so happy with a bloke we know to move in he would've been the right fit. Sigh today he said he's staying on where he is interstate. Bummed biggly.

Had a lovely visit with other bbff. We helped a bit. Always relaxed at hers she's lovely. She's doing ok-ish grieving poor darling. I miss him a lot.

been a bit down beasty's been winning but catching more zzz's helping had some anxiety talked myself out of and ptsd's been playing too with a few scenarios.

Stress is high but we'll get there in the end.

Still v.tired. We're slowly making progress unpacking then soon have to do Mr adorables which is way less than mine but another jobby.

Thanks hun yes v.happy about weight tho been naughty but all good.

V.good report with my eyes and the growths ok. What a relief from recently barely able to see. Very frightening.

Just choofen to get some tea girls. Thanks again it means a lot being supported 🤗☺⚘🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜💼

So much love Grandy and always 🗯.

Pawsy I'll see you near future dear friend ☺👋

[monkey_magic]

Hi Demonblaster, wonderful Grandy & all supporters,

I haven't dropped in for quite a while , just been pre-occupied with life I guess.

I've had a read back of a few posts and it brought back memories of when I was in a hard financial position. It also stirred up memories of when I too would get into bad moods, have bad thoughts and not look after myself to the best of my ability.

I'm not sure what I can offer Demonblaster but things got that tight I used to take toilet paper from public toilets anywhere I could, pick fruit from other people's trees without asking, eat stuff ppl left behind, take clothes and footwear ppl left behind, ask strangers for money while crying, take bags of clothes from charity bins, and go anywhere there was cheap or free food from churches to charities.

I would even sell things ppl would leave for council pick-up.

I got a financial break when I lived in a room in a shared house for cheap but still struggled.

I used to take out Centrelink advances and have had too many to count loans from those short-term loan places where I had to pay back interest.

Getting some work eventually helped me climb out of the hole and stress I was in and helped with my self esteem. Fast forward a few years & financial life is fairly smooth sailing.

Wishing you much luck finding an even better roommate.

And congrats on losing around the same weight I've also lost!! So so good I'm proud of you! I didn't know you were losing weight.

Small consistent changes = big results

Keep searching for ideas to improve finances. I know it's not always possible but it's good to see the silver lining.

You're not alone.

I was there too.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

So glad to hear your eyes have come good... well done you...

Lass if you are still struggling finding someone you know to share... I was thinking if you don't want to advertise... the fastest growing group with housing insecurity/homelessness is women over 55... I was thinking you might ask at Vinnies if they know of someone in that group who you could meet to see if they fit what you need.

Take it slowly with the unpacking... it won't run away...

Lass be gentle with yourself... I'm sure the wonderful Mr Deebi knows when you get cranky it's the pain talking... remember the thing to do whenever beastie pops it head up & starts ranting... imagine you're playing wack a mole & beastie is the mole... filling your noggin with thoughts of simple fun nonsense which is apt to drown out the nonsense beastie spouts.

Love & hugs

Paws