Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers hiyaz ☺

So good seeing you thank you darlin for dropping in sweety love and very considerate about not wanting me to feel obliged to reply. You're a beautiful soul.

I want to reply properly dear love so I'll bbl huns if ok dear sss.

Been trying to choof a 🤕 all day but had a great run lately without for some time. Yay.

Mondays creeping up. Pretty over it all... the mess packing in bits but we're getting there.

Love and care very deeply dear Grandy.

What a blow with the meds eh. Hey in time you'll I reckon be able to slowly ease off the extra meds. You're going so well hun. Go easy beautiful friend.

You mean the world 🤗😚💚👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🐘🕊

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

I think from memory you moved yesterday... I hope it all went well for you... do take it easy unpacking & settling in at your new home... the last thing we want is for either you or Mr Deebi to overdo it & cause serious hurt... so slowly does it.

Huge hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lovely Paws and all...

Oops I must have got the day wrong..I thought today you moved in to your new place..which you will in time make it a beautiful and welcoming place for your many friends..

Take your time with the unpacking...there’s no hurry..once your furniture arrives..it’s only the bed thatbis important to get operational..every thing else in your own time honey..

I spent a very long time deciding to what to make for your new home...I came up with a beautiful Dream catcher..hanging off a brilliant crystal heart sun catcher..with a glorious golden chain....

I figured that with the sun catcher supporting the dream catcher...they should bring peace and tranquility to both your home and your dreams....because the dream catcher enters your soul and only holds onto the all the good things in your life that brings you joy, happiness and peace and turns them into peaceful dreams of fairies, imps, dragons, angels and all the good things that happen in your life....and throws away anything that beasty tries to put in your dreams....The Sun catcher brings nothing but the brilliance of the sun’s healings rays into your beautiful heart, soul and adds them to your dream catcher....I hope you like it and it works for you...

I am looking forward to you...to take me on a virtual tour of your home...I mean I need to know the difference ways I can sneak in of a night to make you breakfast occasionally 😁...or if I need a little retreat away from me and my place..

I hope Destiny and Eternity like their new home...

Always here for you my dearest bbff..with lots of my love, care and warm hugs..💚🦋🧸🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🧸🕊🌱🌹🦄👼...

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz beautiful friends 👩‍❤️‍👩🐾 and readers ☺

Grandy you dear sweet love the dreamcatcher is absolutely gorgeous I love it thank you. Nice idea I love our fantasy actually our entire friendship is beyond amazing Grandy geez I love you so much you've no idea.

Your both very important to me I really appreciate youse and several other amazeballs talking of I'm really missing our gorgeous Birdy and of course Peppy Mandy Sapphire Starts (saw a few butterflies the other day thought of her) and never forgetting Star Wolf 🤗💗

Loves I will be back have a bit to chat about.

Pretty much the last 3/4 days been on strong pain relief touch wood backs holding but our bodies including back but not out are wrecked. I have to otherwise I have a hard time walking. All the movement bending etc.

Thank you so much both of you.

SO happy here and with Mr absolute beautiful Deebi he's an absolute darling man 😍

Big love to beautiful people 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🗯🐾

Always listening gorgeous loven things you're up to.

😚🤗🤝⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

How are you going beautiful bbff?..

“Bend and stretch...reach for the sky...stand on tippie toes..oh so high”...,I can imagine you are doing the Romper Room exercises a lot since you started packing, moving and now unpacking.....Please “slow and steady..wins the race”..meaning that by going slow..you will get their in the end.....

Is it a nice quiet place...have you been sleeping?...Lol Private detective/ Mother hen 🕵️‍♀️Grandy is on the ball 🎾..

Take your time honey in replying...just popping in to let you know I’m thinking about you and Mr. Deebi....With lots of love, care and....umm...well, and curiosity ..😁..💜🌹🦋🦄👼...let me know if you need anything at all...and I’ll check our 💼..to see if I have it....Oh!..how silly of me🙄..of course I’ll have it..because our 💼 is virtual...😂 and has anything our imagination can think of...

Lots of love, hugs and are...💚🧸🤗🌹👼🦄🕊🌱...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

😂😂😂 you're a class act my girl love ya to bits 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗😚

Hi everyone 👋

Saw you talking to Pawsy and checked your bag ...instant smile same with any of our memories....oh oh... forgot to tell you I put a garage in on the 242nd floor so you can have your other famous 🚜 safe warm waxed and polished but for that it goes to the 21st Pixie jobby floor. Of course the 59 Pixies do a reasonable job but can't in all fairness say they do as well as I do but hey... ya get that...what can you do aye 🤔

Getting there hun. In BP atm was expecting with all the stimulation but probs its a v.mild cause of all the strong pain meds. Tell ya more later so they've helped to a degree and I think acted as a down for the up but not in a bad way just keeping it tame.

Exhausted but mania keeping me going. Accidentally took a double strong pill boyo did that knock me more but fine.

Bodily incredibly sore but most apart from groin should heal hopefully in next few days.

Hope you're good huns I'll be over in next couple days it's full on with other moving details like centrelink and inspection details etc appointments between us and it goes on.

Extremely happy cant wait to give you a virtual tour. REALLY wish it was a real one and no way just overnight you'd have to stay as long as you'd like beautiful.

Ahhh the virtual kitty furs love it here...they play hide and seek...I hear rustle rustle...there they are in a box unravelling clothes ...wait up...oi..back here to finish your cuddles and tummy rub...

You make me so happy Grandy Floss...you've no idea how deeply I love and care so much about you.

Also to many beautiful people here and bb mob you're amazing...try not to ever doubt your worth ... Beasty brat knows nussing...

Missing good friend (bestys partner) heaps. Stoked we live so close now.

Love for eternity dear friend it was destiny for us to touch eachothers hearts and form our unbreakable bond. The best sweet love. PubAok we need eachother and others too.

Nigh nite beauts ☺🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩🗯💜🚜⚘

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

Ahh Grandy the bliss bubble I had a couple of nights ago with mania adding it's Gold burst well and truly.

We're gutted! I knew we'd lose good $ going defacto but OMG 😲😭 $ 200 each on top having a loan from them paying back another $100 so $300 down. I said I can see why they have the tissues close by so people can use them to wipe the tears. Said in humour. Was in great spirits till then. Seriously a massive blow.

I so much want as Mr Deebi too to live together as we are now but what a blow geez!

There's been some very good ups and downs lately. This one takes the cake. I was so looking forward to being a bit better off but poor Mr 😍 wow he was losing now it's mighty.

I'll handle (yrs of practice being broke) and he will too We're laughing and ok but not.

Few things going through my mind. So after my major hard blubber which I held at centrelink I did some self talk. Basically looking at positives and options including taking some advice I offer to turn the pain and energy into productive thought and ways to improve the situation that's mighty damned glum.

Other people cope so we will too., are we there yet. So frustrating waiting.

For how many yrs a constant flow of bloody high pain physical health. Daily several times wicked groin pain. The smaller ones are bad enough and a recurring side injuries flared up again which settles in a few days. Feels like somethings ripping on certain movements. Same with the arm recurring. It clicks and frig it hurts. Other pains have eased and a mild back out sigh.

At least mh tho still hard but to a lesser degree. Several times yesterday sudden mood drops wow didn't seem to be ptsd's and did get out of them but where on earth did they come from.

We'll look back on this but I tell ya it's a mighty blow but then I think of poor v.good friend and my late love and people they didn't want to die, at least we still have eachother, beautiful love. A beautiful place tho the shines dulled and good friends.

We had a lovely day with Mr's besty and his bro who he lived with but that too is deeply saddening me with his cancer and something else medically bad. Chemo won't cure but ... tbh I'm not expecting to hear a good prognosis. Sux badly!

I can't as planned now repay large debt as quick as I planned through some heavy gambling.

Yip peachy atm but ok. Gotta roll with the punches aye.

Thanks listening peeps

Love you big time Mrs bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩🗯💜🤗 are we there yet 😢

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thought it was coming from my back that the same 2 toes on both feet have numbness. Pretty recently they started dragging quite often on the floor walking bare foot that I prefer.

It's a bloody awful feeling you feel like a cave man dragging the feet. Not pain at least tho a tinsy at times.
Have to wear shoes or whatever I guess.
Weird cause There's still movement, I guess the action needed to avoid it's affected.

It's the beginning of Peripheral vascular atrophy bugger it!. Irreversible!

Peripheral - extremities. Toes fingers etc

Vascular -circulatory system

Atrophy - if A is in front of a word it means without.
Losing power basically.
It's not at all good.
I'll suss but think it's a contributor to loss of limbs Gangrene loss of movement

I know smoking and Diabetes can cause.

My eyes are normal again jaysus that was really scary.
This started in that period of time recently.
Really have to look after the sugars. Weight loss WILL/is happening also breaks.
My last blood test for Diabetes at the level it was is when we go to insulin.
On a second pill for it which seems ok.
Had a couple of hypos from them.

We got a bond loan you pay back over a yr. Great idea. It's just tho another new bill each f.nite.

Ok but 😢😭 pretty low atm. Happy in other ways
Thing is it's how it is.
I need to accept it improve on it if I can by finding a way to make some coin (couple ideas fliating around.
Look at options too. Doubt if we'll go this way both are very bleak. Not living together/getting a house mate.
Grandz if we were rl (real life) you and a couple of other people that I dont know well but enough to know they're good people otherwise you don't know who you'd get. In the past I've judged characters ok on brief meetings but then one who I deeply loved (friends) dropped me over totally unfair money concerns. I did the right thing by him, he didn't and lied over and over again. Took yrs to get past that hurt.

Anyway thanks again listening.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱pfftt

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Oh lass... here is the gentlest most comforting hug I can give you...

Centrelink suxs ... that is a huge amount to cut... of course it has upset you... it is so BL***Y unfair...

Lass with your toes... wearing enclosed footwear when you go anywhere you may scratch or otherwise injure your toes is important... not having the feeling/good circulation means a simple scratch which may become infected is harder to treat than a similar one on another part of your body...

I believe that despite everything you are having to deal with... you are strong enough to keep up the weight loss.. healthier eating & you will succeed in stopping any further ill effects of diabetes. Mr Deebi will be there at your side encouraging & supporting you... plus all your friends here sending you positive vibes... you can do this lass.

Here are some more hugs & Woofa sends you soft doggy snuffles

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lovely Paws and everyone...🤗..

Awe If it’s okay I’ll join Paws in giving you a very gentle hug....I’m really sorry about Centrelink..It’s not fair at all..especially when I know of people are stealing from Centrelink...Honestly Centrelink should start being more fairer...I mean you were honest about moving into a De facto relationship...not many people are that honest...Did Centrelink give you rent assistant...or is that no longer a thing they do?...

I agree with Paws about your foot wear..it’s important to not injure your toes at all..or your feet...also honey if you remember to keep your feet elevated when you sit down..that help the blood flow as well....(I think)...

Its hard to trust people to rent out a room to...A friend has suggested that to me..but I can’t trust enough to do it...also it wouldn’t feel like my home anymore...But up to you beautiful lady..Okay if you know them and your friends with...hard choice..

Its okay that you cried honey...I would have as well...let out all the disappointment and hurt..then like the beautiful trooper you are...tell beasty no more...you don’t own me...Choof off...

Deebi....honey..maybe write out a monthly or fortnightly budget with the amount for bills...then an amount for shopping and if anything left over..pop it into a jar...I used to just use my Visa card for everything and kept over spending..now I pay my bills and take what ever is left out of the bank..it’s a lot harder to spend cash..then it is swipe your card...just a thought bbff...

Here always for you..I don’t much do weekends here..but do sometimes...depends how I’m feeling..

A lot of love to you Mrs bbff...with lots of caring hugs..💚🦄👼🧸🤗🧸🤗🧸🤗....

Love and hugs Paws and everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..