Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..

I can’t stay away any longer..I know you’re very busy packing and getting ready to move into your new place..and it’s one you like so I am very excited for you...

How are you managing bbff....You’ve had so much sadness and sad new the past few weeks...I hope your okay...always here for you precious lady...

The Internet isn’t working the best here...and I’m only allowed Internet use at certain times of the day..they rotate the times so it’s fair for everyone....Mostly group sessions throughout the day is keeping me busy...

My supporter came to visit me today and she bought me some liquorice from her liquorice show bag she got from the Easter show in Sydney...and she took me out to Maccas for a coffee frappe...it felt good to be out...

Please dear friend no pressure at all...but really would and need to know if your managing okay....and if you are okay....with everything that’s going on in your life...

Sending you my deep love and lots of caring 💭..💚🦄👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗🌹🐇🦄🧸🌈🐘🐣🌜🌱🌛..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hiya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you for your beautiful visit it's so good seeing you precious friend 🤗

I'll bbt honey pretty tired. Just watching TV atm then bed soon.

Love you heaps hun always dear friend 😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💗

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Just popping to give you a big squishy bear hug lass...

Here's another one just because you can never have too many

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous/s 👩‍❤️‍👩🐾 and readers 👋

Thank you beautifuls for your visits so nice seeing youse.

I went to post last night but maintenance and just to say I'll definately be back.

Hoping you're bith good lovely people.

Much love dear friends

Grandy I'll be at yours too sorry sweety it's been too long.

Always darlin 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🐘🕊🤗🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, and everyone...

Just popping my head around the corner to let you know..you are beautiful, you are strong, you are intelligent, you are cared for....and you are loved......by so many people...ummm did you know I’m one of those people..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗..

Take your time honey with replies..it’s okay...your busy with packing, moving and our cute 🐆🐅...soul kitty Kats..

Big love and hugs dearest bbff..and Paws...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜🕊🌱🌛💚..

[Ggrand]

Hi Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

RUOK?..🌜🦄👼🌛

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Grandy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 and any readers 👋

Thank you sweetyheart so good to hear from you both and for those lovely hugs Pawsy.

I'm ok hun thanks. Have been a fool lately but what's done is done but annoyed with myself re old habits. Had a couple of good breaks but blew them.

Missing our friend. Dreamt he waved to me from a car it was nice. I told other besty.

We had a long break from packing. My groin was really painful. Debilitating. Steps are horrendous I'm very careful. The rest made it easier to walk. Been doing more lately.

Had ultrasound and Xray so waiting to hear from doc.

Was a bit down here and there but ok. Was in a horrid yukko this morning but ok now. We had a day sleep haven't for ages except yesterday

Grandy I'm so pleased you're feeling a bit better and back home. Time goes fast doesn't it.

Be at yours soon honey.

Thanks again girls. Much love and care

Huge love Grandy always my dear friend 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐘🕊👀🤝🗯⚘🐾

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Awe honey please don’t be hard on yourself....it’s okay...💚Sometimes it takes a few try’s to stop our habits and I have faith in you that you will find a way and be triumphant..

Im sorry your missing your friend..it’s hard isn’t it, to learn to live without our friends around....What an amazing dream..maybe he came to say one last good bye to you because of you being a beautiful friend to him...

Your poor groin...I have groin pain and know how incredibly painful it can be, no matter which way we lay, walk or rest it continues to ache...Please do take it easy with your packing..How much longer until you need to move out?...up to you if you feel to answer🤗..

I hope your ultra sound results are good..remember honey...no early phone call from your Dr..means not much to worry about....

I am pleased you picked yourself up from having a yucko morning, that takes a lot of strength and you done it...very well done bbff...

Take breaks Deebi when you need to, pushing our bodies only does more harm then good.....you have to look after you...for me because I need you and have a beautiful deep soul sisterly love for my spirit soul sister..💚🤗🦄👼🕊🌱..

Here precious friend if you need to talk..you are in my thoughts 24/7 and still holding your hands...with my care..

Love and hugs to those listening here..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Thank you dear friend 👩‍❤️‍👩 you're always so suppirtive and lovely 🤗

Not long now to move it feels lime we havent got far but we have it's just mess everywhere.

It's such a lovely place and so glad to be staying in the area. Be nice when we're settled.

Been sleeping in and day sleeps are good too. We're happy couldn't not be with this dear love.

Not much going on here really. Just doing little bits here and there.

Yip thanks about those words with addiction. Appreciated hun ☺ I want to get back to both new threads and will but when! Sigh

Yip I too thought he was saying goodbye. I'm glad to have had that dream. Couldn't work out who was the passenger not that it matters.

Seeing Doc later just wanna get moved first. I know theres a hernia inguinal (groin) whatever it is it really needs fixing has for many yrs caused untold severe pain. Can barely lean forward without deep hard pain straightening again. Cruel. Some things you can do. Bloody nuisance.

3 Carbuncles my body slowly healed now have 3 more. Ouchy but letting bod do some healing I hope.

Been bad on diet last 4/5 days not giving up though. Think from stopping fags again eating up.

Hope you're ok Grandy. Awful knowing you're doing this at home by yourself precious friend. Not fair Grandz 😢 God I wish odsw.

Really love you Grandy pubAok can't bear you not being around. You mean the world so does Mr beautiful 😍

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🗯😍👀🤝🐘🦄⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi, 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧸🤗..

I haven’t forgotten about you my bbff...and thinking daily of you, I know your busy packing and sorting things out and didn’t/don’t want you feel obligated to reply...

Did you get your test results back yet?...I hope so much that they were okay...if you haven’t got them back..I always believe that no phone call from Dr..is good news..

Wow honey..I have heard Hernia pain is like no other pain and is very very painful...Was reading up on them and it says that it could become strangulated..which is a medical emergency..so please honey..take it easy with lifting heavy objects or twisting yourself the wrong way....

Is your new place 2 bedrooms..so if I visit I can stay overnight 😁 also has it got a nice view of the beach or some forest views?....

Oh no..poor Deebi...3 more carbuncles...must be something that’s causing them...food?...drink?....different soap/ washing powder?...or maybe body too hot?...Hate it that you have to go through all that again😥..

The increase in my meds are causing me more weight gain...this is something that I do not like...and can’t seem to control, no matter how little I eat..it’s not fair is it..gotta stuff one part of me up to fix another part...😠...I prefer to be a healthy weight more then being mentally healthy...but I’m scared to go off my meds...(hmmm big sigh)..

I hope you’re improving in your health and feeling less ouchies....Pubaok..yadimh....Deep and soul warming love to you bbff..🦄👼...💚🧸🤗...💭 for 🕊🌱...

Alway here for you beautiful bbff..🤝..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..