Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

DB ( SL)

❤💜💟💞💗🍫🍫

[demonblaster]

Thought so thanks for truth G. Very sorry. Bbl (later) talk more. Emojis were stroke of brilliance btw don't ever doubt your intelligence, I've seen it often.

Just woke 11.30ish had 7/8 hrs sleep. Ok mentally beasty trying not succeeding yet fully. Atm Im ok. Just having tea, did what you reminded me G cook and freeze meals.

Had 2 more pain and will probs another sleeper woke with start of bang bang head (severe full blown migraine) did neck excercises(later) easing but there pretty bad. Hasnt fully gone from before as in intermittent. Okish.

2 pain and a sleeper checked with medicine hot line and just in time for chemist for intereactions. Is ok.

Not proof reading much, gunna get off here. For now I'll mainly read here and Grandy, Wolfy. Sorry hope no one offended. Know I do love and care deeply for others you know who you are.

Trying neck massage very tense and meditate watch low key tv and do breathing excercises psych told me (later) ( l for later) good on me 2nd day forgot deodorant been talking to lot of people oops 😶

Thank you from deep 💗

Grandy Love you very much and appreciate you SO much. I completely trust you 💗 and IT s... not gunna take me.

Bonfire tomoz. Going. Might/not go to MH group cuppa in morning. Actually nah won't. Thanks I'll have shower soon poo poo need too ☺ phew head easing but there, these do that come and go.

Love ☺

Thanks SLD 💜 been thinking lot bout you and Mandy too. Grandy often xx

[demonblaster]

Logged off just remembered probs won't be here tomoz after lunch till Sunday sometime. Trying to at least daily check in (l)

drat took pain as soon as I woke cause of start of bang bang but its nearly gone doesnt matter but scared of getting hooked to any meds and not keen on meds either except pain but more scared.

😚night ☺

[Ggrand]

Hi sweet lady,,,

🦄🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹. 👀👂🤝.

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 🦄,

You don't have to say your very sorry to me....I also love hard my special friend and I really love having someone 🦄 to love and care for.......I hope you are feeling good today, the long awaited bonfire 🔥 has finally arrived....I want to wish you a really good time today/Night...

Keep shoo....shooo....shoooing...that beasty away honey...you can do it...Tonight is your special night, don't let beasty take even 1 second of it..You can 💃🏻dance, whoohoo, kick up a storm,,🎤Karioke, 🎶 yay goo bring it on...🥁maybe play some music instruments 🎸 🎻🥁🎷...Just enjoy yourself and don't forget make good memories.. your going to 💡Light up everyone tonight, because of your kindness, gentleness, mischievous and beautiful person you are...

Please sweetheart, if your emotions spring up tonight, remember to breathe in and out slowly...also tell someone you love that loves you back...just be self aware of what's happening if you, hard I know but, its something I'm trying...

Now I've got some roses 🌹 one for everyone their tonight, as well as 🏏, maybe a game of friendly cricket later on..and their is a bag 🛍 for everyone there ..inside each bag is, a 🎈🎉🎊party fun,🏵a broach,🔦a torch in case someone get lost,Oh and 🦄, a little piece of your magic 🌟✨💫⭐️ that you left in their ❤️ tonight...

Oh dear me...Deebi..Please don't forget to eat or drink..tch tch tch.....

Love you Deebi. 🦄💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy....

Hugs for all the special people here..Who's special Everyone of course..🤗🤗❤️..Have a day day everyone..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im not sure if you will be able to read this tonight because I don't know if you have your phone or access to bb..

I hope your feeling okay, and your day/night was good honey..💜..Geez only one day I don't hear from you and I'm missing you...Just shows how big a part of my life you have become...

How did the bonfire 🔥 go, was it a cold night their, wouldn't have mattered anyway cause you would be sitting around the fire 🔥 feeling the warmth on your face and chatting to your friends,,😁😆..and some yummies...xxx

I went over yours dropped off some chicken vegetable and noodle soup and froze it for you, easy meal for when you get home...I made it today with some fried polenta cake , not sure if you like polenta, but it's yummy 😋...

I hope you sleep well tonight, sometimes a different bed and pillows make it hard for us to sleep, I'm not sure where you are in your BP, but I'm hoping still in mania,or norm..I'm here for you regardless of where your at...

My words are not coming out right, I'm okay,😊. just tired I think...

Love you very much Deebi, 💜🦄 thinking of you as well today...

Sleep well lovely friend, Dream of peace and happiness..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Deebi,

Just calling in to see how you're feeling. 🤒 I'm hoping that your doing better then okay, and your Yesterday and last night was good.

Maybe honey when you get home, have a really nice hot relaxing shower, then sit on your balcony with a nice cuppa and let the healing power of the sun absorb into your skin, while listening to your beautiful birds..A special flower for you balcony table .🌷..Take time for you today and slowly unwind yourself by some grounding and deep breathing...👩‍⚕️apprentice Nurse Grandy will look after you.😁🤗.. Maybe even sleep a little if you need it.💜..

Please be okay, my special and beautiful friend..I love you very much,💜..I'm watching 👀 you carefully, and 👂 to you with interest, and holding your hands with love and care.💜🤗...

I hope everyone has a good day, with some light shining into your hearts..🤗🤗..caring hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Thanks Grandy hi guys

Soup and polenta you're a sweet lady 🤗

Was good thanks lovey some I'll email.

Okish feeling a bit trapped and hope not but suspect its going to be a hard landing. Holding with few small 😢

God it's hard Grandy 😢 psych was going to see me later after visit I asked for earlier so weds. MH bloke tomoz. Need to get out.

Ok but not. See if friends home or walk or none of these might work more at camp fire. Still 🤒 same friend gave me tobacco again she also found some twice.

Backs a bit average think it'd be a major out if I wasnt doing hills ok but getting up, different seats, chopped some wood loved it slightly aggravated side, need to have ultrasound for that but it settled. ? Lypoma or muscle tear ok tho.

Holding but pretty average. The next few days stuff to do, during & after could drop if I'm going to. As crazy as this sounds I don't want to sleep not in mania. Getting pretty over this Grandy.

Thanks I'll rip over to yours.

Love you hun 🤗💑💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Welcome back home sweetheart, I'm pleased that you had a good time..

Oh I so hope you don't come crashing down to fast, to hard or to far down....Yes that trapped feeling is one of my indications, with a lot of 😢 and confusion....I'll be here to try and catch you on your way down, hopefully I can catch you before you go down to far.....Love you Deebi💜..hate 😤the beasty so much...MH bloke tomorrow is good, release a bit to him, Wednesday psych visit..try to hold on until then...your strong Deebi, I know you can...I have my psychiatrist visit on Thursday..hmmmm.

Maybe chopping work also agrivated your back as well as your side..awe poor luv..Nice hot shower let the hot water run on back and side for as long as you can.😚..

You have a few outs this week, I think mh guy Monday, BBQ Tuesday, psych Wednesday..maybe the time out will help you not go down to far....Geez I hope so...here for you always....Deebi, I get that a fair bit, not wanting to sleep, after around a week of not wanting to sleep I go into the mixed episodes..Maybe same for you, not sure if same or different for you..

Thank you for letting me know, how you went and are doing, Deebi, Please hun I always want to know where you're at with your mh but Truth....to hard not knowing..

Love and care..🤗💜 4 U very much..

Please take care Everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹 Grandy...

[demonblaster]

It was good Grandy but. Dealt & saw bigger picture. Still tho. Anyhoo. Other bits great, at least I didnt go down exactly. Unintentional but still 😟🤐 perfect emojis

Need to sleep and out of mania but I'm scared to because of waking in a bad way but don't want my own company either atm then mostly I'm ok, geez mostly ok. Can talk joke, something differents going on. Idk

It is hard not knowing I know. Trying daily & good for me being in touch daily with people.

Grandy I just don't know 😢 about anything. Feel like I'm in a hole. Crying but not depressed exactly kinda numb more ok than not. This I can get through but...sigh

The bbq opposite wks, hes going away after this meet up. Lovely hugger left (another job) 😢

Why the hell can't we have mania all the time G

Friend I left a msg. Might try another she reminds me of you actually, one that I'm putting my wings around. Shes lovely then maybe other ☎️ dunno tho its Sunday shes got family and getting later in day and I'm not hard down, just here hacking not fighting been doing things like feeling the thought etc looking around appreciating. In mania the loves strong for people in normals too. Atm there's nothing its there but not feeling exactly does that make sense. I AM ok and handling for now.

Think receptionist for whatever reason didnt fax psychiatrist referral skype Done now. Good luck with yours 🤗 I need to work out what so I can try for diagnosis BP2 rapid cycler ? dysphoria C-PTSD dunno, OCD Yip, think bits of ADHD, anxiety sometimes esp in BP dependent personality yeah. I don't stress on labels. Helps to know and research eventually.

Healthy minds swamped so they're working with Aboriginal health and homeless & cause I'm with new psychologist. All good. Think they facilitate.

Actually I might try ☎️

Thanks listening and being here your beautiful.

L&C 💗💑💜

Thanks 🤗