Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and your beautiful friends and readers,

I’m happy to hear things are looking up for you again 🙂 Very, very pleased for you.

I hope this new treatment works well for you. It does sound very promising so I’m hopeful for you...

It sounds like you’ve been doing the hard yards in therapy. I’m pleased you have a wondeful psych in your corner. I feel she’s helping you to gently tear down some of your emotional walls...

What a huge revelation about how being bullied has (understandably) had a lasting effect on you. That must have been confronting...

Oh DB, I get what you mean but I feel your hurt is just as valid and real as anyone else’s struggles. I feel it isn’t about making comparisons and trying to weigh each of our struggles against one another. But i feel it’s about recognising the validity of each of it struggles. Just because you think others have struggled more/less than you doesn’t mean your own struggles are any less serious...

Forever the social butterfly. It’s always nice to read about your adventures. The free meal sounds wonderful, and how kind of them to invite you 🙂

Choccy patrol? So you’re “guarding” choccie bars? I suppose I’ll have to pay you with choccies bars for your services 😉

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi🦄..

I never doubted for a minute that you are going to make it, your a very strong and determined beautiful lady who has a huge want and will do anything to get it.🌹..

Very good luck with your result from your tests sweetheart, I hope when you come down you won't go down to far, and I hope your new treatment will help stop you from doing so...

It's really good that you have someone that you can and you did open up to, it's been a long time for you...Awe I'm really sorry😢 and 😤 that you were bullied when you were younger, it's not right when horrible people bully others...Back in my day at school, the bullies got away with doing it because it wasn't looked at back then how it is looked at and addressed today...

I agree with Peppy about you being a social 🦋..lol but I'm extremely happy for you...doing free lunch at the church with friend and new aquatintance, will be more friends to make honey because your so easy to love..💜..happy for you.😌..

Deebi, it sounds like you are going to get some long awaited help. You can only go forward and up from here my special lady....🦄🌹..your magic is starting to happen and your going to shine even more then you did before...I love that things are happening better for you.. Your so super special..🌹💐🍁, you're so deserving...

I hope your day today is a really good day...it's raining here, not much but I'm really hoping it will rain enough so at least the people's water tanks gets filled up....💦💦 lol my bath and shower worked...How cool was that!! Your Magic is rubbing off onto me..😂

Love you very much Sweetest Deebi..💜🌹🦄..

Hope everyone's day is a good day..🤗💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

Your very quiet today, I hope you are feeling okay.😌..

Im also hoping that your blood test results were okay.😳...I had to call in to see how you were going today...Missing you Please be okay.. 🦄🌹.special love for you Deebi...🦄💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Special..Big gently caring hugs..🤗🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hiya lovely ones/readers if any ☺

Just an update but doing notes for replies bbl 😚

Good news. I can do what I've been doing. In about 3 ish wks I'll let yaz know how it goes and won't be conclusive till few more episodes. Previously a couple of times checked with chemist and GP so not being reckless and it's quite a discovery I feel, even doc seemed a bit surprised in a good way. Happy that its ok its a kinda trial but wrecked which is consistent anyway but doing fine and of course manias contributing. This & mental control hence I'm making this second last post today, Grandy next then shutting down. Catch up reading intermittently.

Re Psych, surprisingly I'm not too bad at all about the main hard, not ecstatic but ok. Processing it slowly.

Bullying I use to think as violence & being ganged up on tho that's been quite a large part of my probs but not in a bullying nature. So opening ups been ok cause it's always been a constant nag and down and there's been so many incidents but on saying that to a friend who also laid a lot of crap on me (stood up also wore a lot, he was going through hard times. I wasn't the bloody cause but was his metaphoric punching bag and his nature) we're good friends still he moved which tbh was easier on me that pretty much 95% ish of people I get on very well with which is helping no end with self esteem, way to go yet but gettin there.

GP Ok cholesterol, diabetes up slightly with weight gain 12ish kg dagh I'll get it & more off. Want to. Binge/giving up fags. Starting lately thanks to mania figuring out (explain later) self discipline. Gotta hold the mindset.WILL work already improves.

Fair bit of varied social & more coming with time out too can't think who mentioned that, agreed.

Going to try and continue using mania to do more bits so still be here maybe not as often. See how it goes ☺

As always please know I really mean it, thanks guys for your amazing support.

👩‍🚒 Detective Deebi 👀..🍫..signing out Pepstar 🤗😚..oh something for you...🥕😄

Hey Grandy 💑 my 💜..🛴 be at yours in .2 ..doing foot paths. 😂 at you parking 🚜 next to 🛴 & so much more. Guys the laughs are great. Loven the 🍫 cracks & 🤒,, 3rd pkt today, be off em again after these. Bite the bullet and food too..😭 youse are all invited to the wake 😄

Love and 🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Deebi,

You have me intrigued and I can't wait to hear your news, Your not only a beautiful person, your also a 👩‍⚕️, but now a scientist 👩🏼‍🔬...I feel that mind control, is the key to unlocking mental health, I mean if we can control our mind, that should lead to emotional control...😮😚..

I dislike bullying at any time or age, there is just no excuse for it..I went through more emotional bullying (name calling)..at school some physical, both hurt and does take up space in our memory so must continue to hurt us in later life..

Ok my dear lady, I think I will have to tell our gentle lovely Peppy to replace those 🍫 bars with veggie 🥕sticks..(only for you. 😂 I can still have the 🍫..).. We got to look after you special lady...

Its really good that your socials are coming in and your going out more and meeting, socialising with your friends, I'm happy for you, and soon tt again..😁🤗..

Thank you for calling in last night, We had fun, trying to spot a star ⭐️ or two through the clouds,😂🤣.. Your 🛴 Is faster then 🚜..I'll have to ⛏🛠🔨⚙️⛓🔩 soon..I'll pop over yours later I want to give you a nice 💅 and fix you a healthy dinner..🌽🌶🥔🥗

Have a wonderful day Deebi...🌹Love you very much..💜🌹🦄..

Hugs to all the wonderful people here reading or posting..🤗🤗🤗..and a beautiful 🌹 each because yours are all special..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi caring DB and all,

I’m very, very happy that you’re sounding so determined and motivated to make all these changes/improvements in your life. Great work, DB! I feel very proud of you 🙂

It must have been such a relief to hear good news from your doctor. It really does seem like things are starting to look up again, which is absolutely wonderful. You’re so deserving...

Yes, I agree that bullying can come in many different forms and isn’t restricted to physical aggression. I get the feeling you’re processing a lot when it comes to your bullying experiences...

I’ll have to keep an eye on you now that Grandy has gifted me so many choccie bars...why is it that I get this feeling that you’ll be making extra “patrol” rounds near my choccie bars now? Better remember to do my daily stocktake. Lol.

Super soul hugs,

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey guys thanks so much. I'm reading here and Grandys atm, been at Wolfys too, want to get to my other loves esp you Pepstar ☺ yikes what's the go with 🍫 mmm looks like 👮‍♀️ a job for detective Deebi. This is helping atm muckin around. I'm working at how to minimise pump in mania & to avoid downs here (later) Sorry heads fried having trouble thinking how to explain. Going to bed in a tic. I'll try and say hi but not read hey sorry not making sense, if I need to talk can just letting myself unwind to sleep.

Woe geez coming down really fast and hard.

Had a great day. Just home oops havent eaten yet, am now. Explains part of my energy sapped apart from stuffed from BP

Bbl just reminders for then.

Walk before breaky

Mindfulness on walk

Talking strangers and ones I know

Taking notes

Fantasy

Pushed through to walk furthur, beasty said no I said yes. Helped

Completely whacked. Bonfire? Tonite or tomoz

Signing off earlier more now

Nigh nite cyaz later tonite for quicky

[demonblaster]

😆 quick sleep. This is about 3 mins after last post. Will Learn from that I shouldnt have posted its got me thinking again and it might bring on the mania again which made me think depending what time I wake dont worry if I dont return tonight as mentioned trying to control mania and here stimulates me but also need youse ☺ so working a balance out. Hoping this time round no more SI. Btw Grandy on that subject have you ever been worried that I'm going to attempt?.Truth

Love you darlin

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Deebi,

Truth Deebi..

YES.....and in tears at times when your down and can't answer, that's why I thought of emoji code..Love you Deebi..R U OK?

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Your other post landed after mine landed..I understand what you're saying about trying to bring mania down so your not to high, the higher we go the harder and lower we go down......I shower a lot, (if I can remember to)..when I'm in mania, it seems to stable me out a bit, the hot/warm water relaxes me enough to slow down a little and sleep for a while.....maybe give that a try 🤷🏻‍♀️ Idk..

Campfire tonight or tomorrow, if it's tonight, please enjoy it, sit in front of the Bon 🔥 fire and feel the heat on your face, so relaxing the heat..... if it's tomorrow night well I'll wish you a great time tomorrow then......brrr very cold here tonight..freezing...

Deebi, Yes its alway on my mind when you go down and I get really scared 😳, especially if I don't hear from you honey ......I cry a lot when your hurting....I can't help it....I feel your pain, because I love you💜..I know how easy it can be to go with the beasty......I could have gone with my thoughts last downer real easy was so hard not to....( it was a trigger in bed that brought me down)....I need to talk to you a few times a day when your down, I need to know your okay..It might help you to know your loved and cared for 24/7 x 365 days a year... I know sometimes it's hard for you to answer, that's why I was thinking of emoji code..

Please be okay Deebi..I'm here for you in mania, in mixed, in normals, and sweetheart especially in downer...💜🌹..ill not ever let you go...👀 always.....👂carefully....and 🤝super glued...Love you my sweet .Deebi 🌹💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Big huggly huggy hugs 🤗,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy....xx