Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

That's Good you bussed to do small shopping, and now you have to look forward to the markets, we have only rotary markets here, I don't go now, used to a few years back, there only a dozen tables and always the same ones. I'm really happy for you going out here and there...I know it pulls you up and keeps you there....I stopped smoking 12 weeks ago, I stopped cold turkey. Hard Deebi, but I done it for this long now so I'm not buying again. I can't afford to. You can do it Deebi...I know you can...Its your mindset again.. but drinking alcohol without smacking I think would be too hard especially in the company of smokers...Deebi, the psychiatrist upped my ADs and I put on 6 kilos in a month now not smoking I'm eating a lot more as well now more kilos going on...but I'll worry about my weight later..

I wondered why I found no 🍫 at your..Lol I'll Look in here 💼 and ...oh...yeah...lol..a..⛏stapler unpicker....

Deebi keep hold of me I'm holding on to you....That long hard hug the other day...wow I needed that and I really felt it, I was so broken when I read that...The minds very powerful it can do anything we want it to, we just have to train it to listen to us..... I am not sure Deebi, but I sometimes think that we have 1 brain but when we are in depression the brain somehow seperates and becomes 2 and then they fight each other for power. depending which one wins is to how we live until the next downer. I think the mixed episodes are the 2 fighting for power...Just my thoughts...

I'll have to stay here again tonight sweetheart, since all the 🍫 Is stapled into your pocket and probably melted. I bought some 🎂 and hot chocolate drink, with my famous white fluffy milk and grated Tim Tams, and I bought my blanky as well,

Deebi, I knitted you a scarf, hat and gloves to keep you warm when you go out with your friends, so you can stay snuggle warm..

Sleep well Deebi..I'm sending some moonbeams to shine through your window and into your heart tonight, so tomorrow you will be happy.😃..Love you my special 🦄 Deebi.. your in my thoughts..

Kind wishes and comfy hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy 🌹..

[demonblaster]

What a pleasure it is getting to know you 🤗 mean it and this is another real and long loving hug 🤗 I'm so glad you liked it and I won't stop holding you either sweet 💑

Like your thinking on 1 brain and two fighting for control. Feels that way. Good we talk about it to work it out. We do need to train it. Tiredness weakens our walls. Don't understand why our heads want to destroy us though, its part of us. Gets taken over but why.

How beautiful knitting me a scarf hat and gloves 😀 love how you look after me. I get scared Grandy when I get close and love people 😢 Please be ok

Thanks hun yeah its good cause varied people. Getting to know and like new people as well

Hey congrats on the smokes. Mostly I'm ok but today sheez a few times. I'm ok having the odd one.

😂 ⛏ .. 🤔 ..mmm.. need my 🔗 &🔒 on my pockets. Love our Zaney moments 💑

L💜 VE when we stay together the companies awesome and just going up to someone and 🤗 or 🤝 love it. You look so cute when blanky snuggles around you. Yum 🍰 ( told ya I'm eating heaps 😁) and ooh la la hot choc and tim tam shavings...lets boogie baby. Here we go just a special pick you up treat 🍫, hope you didn't mind I got it from your oh...oh... 💼

Truth you're in my thoughts often hun. ☺ glad you're staying over. L💜 v e.. u sweet lady 🌹

Here you go lay down sweety put your wary head on this nice soft slightly lavender scented pillow slip with that gorgeous Red flower embroidered in the corner 💗 and see the tinsy wee ✉ says ✏ nigh nite darling friend 🤝 thank you so much for your love and care 🤗 and for looking after me 😊

Moon beams. Beautiful thanks hun.

U R 🦄

🕊 always

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im trying to study our emotions, Happy emotions and sad emotions are on different ends of the brain, They are completely seperate from each other, so it's possible for one to override the other...What they are saying is ..When sad or down etc..Get a happy picture with happy memories and look at it and try to remember those happy times, watch a HAPPY movie on TV, put on happy music, go to a park and watch happy children playing..DONT, continue on your sad thoughts at all...just pump happy thoughts, etc into our brain to start to activate the happy emotion to override the sad emotions.... The sad emotion part of our brain is very tiny compared to the happy part, but if sadness is a constant, just my thoughts this bit..Maybe the sad part grows and to balance it out the happy part starts to shrink, and sadness become the controlling emotion? Just thinking 🤔..or maybe I'm talking rubbish.🤷🏻‍♀️..but as I said and I meant it..I will try absolutely everything and anything to be even normal and steady..

Deebi, I'm really sorry if I 😳 scared you..I sometimes don't say when I'm down very deep, but this time it went beyond that and I was really frightened and it was hard trying to stop me going with what seemed like logical thinking in wanting to leave.. I'm getting better daily now...I never want to go there again...

Im glad you liked the scarf, hat and gloves, they are a mixture of different shades of yellows, like sunshine... because you are my sunshine, I wanted you to know that so I made your winter warmies to look like rays of sunshine..

The Lavender scented pillow with e gorgeous red embroider 🌺 flower was so beautiful and the Lavender put me into a good restful sleep,,thank you..

Thank you so very much for being the lovely best friend any one could ever hope for...I hope your day is filled with those moonbeams I sent you last night..

Deeply love you special sweet Deebi..💜🌹🌺..

🙋 hello everyone else and really mean it thank you..and I hope you all have a good day.🤗.

Warm cosy hugs.🤗🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely, Deebi,

I posted earlier, not through yet.

.Please have a good day...not sure if you changed your mind about going out..if you did, and you went out, enjoy your friends, if you didn't and you stayed home...well here you go 🍓🍫..strawberry and chocolate for your afternoon snack...with a 🤗..one of those long hard hugs...💜.

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Still Not landed..😢...I wrote it at around 10.30 I have no email, so maybe later, yours and another post around the same time...Maybe my connection...I can't remember what I wrote, 😢..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey 😀

Thank for the lovely 🍓& 🍫 what a darling you are.

Good you researching, geez it feel like it take over the whol brain but I can see a lot of sense in that keeping positive thoughts happening it does become habit fast doesn't it thinking down. We can't go with it eh.

Grand I'm sorr too for worrying you, it's as you know how low we go. I knew you were low but didn't know how low you poor darling 🤗 want to wrap blanky around you and tuck you under my wings ☺ so glad you're starting back up. It's horrendous going through it 💗and as you know exhausting.

Sweet the shades of Yellow and thank you for all the beautiful things you say here and your thread Grandy 💜🌹

So I'll just grab the ✂️ and cut the 🎀 on your 🎁 😁 and looky 👀 chooky it's a really pweddy silver charm bracelet. I've put 4 on for now, they're our beautiful times with heaps to add and more to invent. Sooo there's..... 💑...annnd...🦄 ...annnd....🍫...annnd ... 🎄....that's just starters precious friend. So many it'll get very heavy in no time. Oh and can you see all the widdle wee 💜💗💛💚❤💙💖💓

You're in mine too Grandy friend ☺🤗 love you very much 💜🌹

Moonbeams to you too lovely

[demonblaster]

Hey sweets. I replied but hasn't landed yet 😚🌹💜

[Ggrand]

Good Night Sweet Deebi 🦄.,

Awe thank you for the blanky and tucking me under your wings, that makes me feel safe...Please Deebi, no sorrys..I think when we love someone, we are going to be scared for that person, especially knowing how low we can go.. I was having a hard time emotionally for a few days, I was trying to shooo beasty away, but then a trigger then in an instant a quick spiral down... it is horrendous and very exhausting for the next couple of weeks....anyway I'm heading up now, and it's important that I keep going in that direction...Deebi, please don't be scared I'll leave you, that I'll not be here for you...as humanly possible I'll always be here for you, love you to much...

All that, trying so hard to open my 🎁 and it was so easy...Oh Deebi, I read this post and cried, but okay now..What a beautiful gift, geez I'll carry that in my heart 4ever...my broach👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..you magical🦄...our 🍫 and our weetbix 🌲..and the widdle wee 💜💗💛💚❤️💙💖💓..so very special Sweetheart..oops😢 Thank you..oops😢. the screens all foggy now..or is that my 👀..💦...Your so special Deebi....your really good to me...you have taught me so much...🌹..I really am so grateful, you really do give me a reason, that's the truth Deebi..Please believe me.. love you very much..💜🌹🌹..

i hope you sleep really good tonight Deebi, I really hope you enjoy your day out tomorrow, make sure you dress warmly and stay warm as well...and have a good time and make happy memories 😂💜🌹..

Good Night Everyone, sleep well..

Love and care..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy....xx

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebs,

I read somewhere that you have a fairly busy weekend ahead of you. Looked back on this page, but cannot see it now. So it was either on the previous page or perhaps on Karens thread that I read that.

Whatever ... my thoughts are always with you and I hope you have an enjoyable weekend, whatever you decide to do. You are sounding more positive this past week, so thats a definitely improvement to where you were at. Good to see also that you are back to walking. The hills can wait .. for not at least. 🌹

Mandy 💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, 🦄..

How are you....r u ok?

I hope your day was good and you had a good time with your friends.. Please be okay...Love you 💜🌹..your very quiet today...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..