Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

You're so beautiful Peps thank you so much. 😢 Miss him so much, we were nearly always together. We were happy. He was beautiful. Yes love stays for sure. You've always been so supportive about Starwolf too, I really appreciate your friendship Pepstar 🤗 Why does love have to keep leaving! 😭 sorry lovey rhetorical.

MH bloke kindly took me to get blood tests today otherwise would have kept putting it off. Sweety he went out of his way.

Archiles still sore but been walking lately, not all the hills but still 4 and 3 are good ones. Haven't been tt to play for mths now. At least the health settles eventually luckily.

Hope you're doing better, you deserve a good life, you're such a lovely gentle caring soul ☺🤗 Thanks always Peps. Take good care hun.

☘

[startingnew]

Hi DB

Love is a powerful emotion and sometimes we dont know how much we love someone until theu are gone. Love doesnt fade we just learn to move forward.

Hugs xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im sorry that you have been also struggling with tears...I'm not a very good friend, I should have been here for you...I'm sorry....I hope you're getting better....I will agree with what you were told, Love always remains in our heart..Time will never lessen the thought or feelings of true love....Starwolf is a beautiful person, read the other night a few of her replies on a this thread, and mindfulness thread...very intelligent yet very gentle person...When I'm doing it hard, I usually read from beginning of this thread, and your other 2 treads....They really help me....

Deebi...Just knowing you were here for me made me feel safe..Thank you very much...You are also one of my main reason.. Thank you for holding my hand....

Love you very much, 💜🌹..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

It is very powerful Starts. Was beautiful a day barely passed that we didnt say we loved eachother, often.

I think it's the most important thing in life.

Thanks sweety girl SLD 🤗😚

[demonblaster]

You're a beautiful friend, you're always here for me.

Didn't like hearing you were so low 😢 We can't do that to eachother. It just goes so damned low aye. Hold onto that dot of light Grandy. Please don't let go. 🤝 Hugging you long and hard. We're in this together 🤗

I'm ok sweety thanks it just caught me unaware. Lost balance for a bit.

Starwolf she moved me. Oops more 😢Love stays ⚘

Peps love to you too darling 🤗 supers back ☺

Runs deep for you too Grandy 💜💗🌹

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,🦄

I had to get away from mine for a while....I keep crying on there, I feel guilty because I went down so far....then more guilty because you and the other beautiful people were concerned about me...Do you mind if I sit with you for a little while... I will be quiet, I just need company tonight and just being here near you gives me a restful feeling....

Please sleep well tonight Sweetheart,

Love and care deeply for you Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and all),

Sighs, I don’t think we ever truly stop missing loved ones...they may live on in our hearts and memories but it’s never the same. I know how much your beloved meant to you so I know how your heart must ache...

I’m glad you managed to get some tests done yesterday. I hope everything is okay.

It’s great that you’re going on walks again even if you have to avoid the hills for now. Hopefully you’ll be back climbing hills when you heal more...

Thank you for the beautiful things you said to me plus your blessings 🙂

Much love and super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy you're always welcome 💜here 🗝 hope you were comfy and warm enough oh good you had blanky ☺😚🤗 L💜VE u too ☺

Gotta choof lovelies

Peps you're a sweet too. Yeah been good walking again I'll tackle the other hills later on. Seems to be easing a bit so being careful

🤗🌹☘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄..

Not sure what you have planned for today, but I really hope you have a fun time..

I'm always comfy at your place..Thank you very much for your keys....l Love being their....don't like my house atm...but geez Deebi, you didn't have to vacuum everywhere so thoroughly...I searched everywhere for a 🍫 but couldn't find any.😢..... But I still love you around the 🌎 and back..nothing gets in the way of love...(not even chocolate)..

Peppy🐳...hello....I hope your doing okay..

Starts,🦋... hello, I also hope your doing okay as well..

I hope everyone is doing okay..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[demonblaster]

3rd attempt. Lost 2 so far.

You make me 😅 Btw I stapled my pockets so 🍫 wouldn't fall out. Your tears would take there outta drought. I had to stop 😂 before I could read furthur. You're a classic

Just bussed up to do a small shop. Friend gave me lift home was lucky to see her. I had the wrong day for the markets so we're going. Sat out with one of the groups for lunch and offer for out tomoz but I have trouble stopping at a couple drinks and giving up smokes and at least 2 are smokers so nah. Had 3 in 5 days. Going ok but wanted one today. Bloody eating tho 🤐 gunna crack down soon get it and the rest of weight off.

I feel good at yours too Grandy, we have a good friendship. How are you darl? I'm 👀 at yours, you don't have to reply here if you don't want just know I do love and really appreciate you 💜🌹💗

Thanks 🤗🍫