Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Thank you so much darl apart from feeling like I've been through the wringer the sleep helped a lot and talking too. You're a light and breath of fresh air, love you very much💜💗💑

Sweets I'm with you tonight too lovey and even when I'm not at yours please know I'm always thinking about you.Truth 😗

I need to get back and look after my loves too, it's hard, coccoon but hopefully I'm on the way out of this rot this time. God its powerful isnt it.

I'm on one BP med still not that it helps but yes reluctantly I'll go the AD's 🤐 for a bit while I put all the coping strats in place.

Thank you everyone your beautiful people 🤗💜⚘🦄💑

We've gotta get you back up lovely and our other loves too 💗⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I’m relieved to hear you mood has lifted a little again. It must be so emotionally draining to have your mood feel so unstable...

I think it’s great that you have started asking for help again. You’re putting your own needs first and making sure you’re being looked after...

Sending love, Super soul hugs and 1000 chocolate bars 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Hi SL

Im sorry i havent been here as much but ive been reading and have caught up with yesterdays posts.

Im glad your coming back up. Yo-yoing is hard work. Im relieved to hear your asking for help. Im proud of you. Its often easier to shut down then to ask for help.

Please remember those numbers are there for you anytime you need.

You matter and i care very much about you too. Sending love and hugs and some of these 🍫🍫

💌💟💙💛💚💜

[demonblaster]

BP day 23

Saying this with a touch of trepidation, hopefully coming out of this. Thought the other day I was but another quick mania followed by taking me to my knees again. Today I reluctantly hope it's not another touch because I'm doing things and happy which is great but what will be will be, haven't walked for a couple of days so hope to today.

Yesterday wasn't good, a type of depression I know well but that was yesterday. It spoilt my time with people an underlying deep discontent in myself and depression that I couldn't shake which usually I lift and can put it aside around people eventually. Enjoyed it but .. came home and released. What helped was talking here, about an hrs sleep and heaving cries. Strength in sleep returning.

Although mixed episodes in an episode are all over the shop (up and down within hrs or minutes) as exhausting as the whole deal is at least there's good parts amidst the deeps as opposed to Mania for a few days then deeps a few wks in recovery.Can't get enough sleep it takes me up to 4 wks on average. Still need 2/3 day/night solids to catch up if it lets me go

So if todays coming good again I'm nearly out still a little fragile.

Seriously considering AD's. I'm very stubborn tho have for yrs and reduced but still take one BP med. Huge call. Today I'm reconsidering a tad but not closing the door on it. It'll be temporary only! I believe emotional control and various help with therapies, coping techniques learning here 💗 and strong belief and determination I can get a grip but to get to the point of where the clarity in one of the manias I had I think I'd better settle hopefully the downs to be able to apply with help to organize myself and sort this damned head

A concern going back into mania from them but GP said a while ago should be ok. I'll talk again. I'm very wary on this but know I need help. Its so damned powerful and so deep. So tired still. Over it all! but ok today, relief

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi.

I hope your coming out of your downer, fingers crossed 🤞🏽 for you hun.. I hope you enjoy your walk if you can get out..today here is cold but nice, I'll try to get out this afternoon..I'm still lethargic..I'm beginning to think glandular fever..I had it when I was younger, maybe a flare up? I hope not..Drs next week, get some blood checks done, then I will know...

Talking here helps Deebi, but I'm not sure what's happening to my posts today, they are not going up so far 2 and now I just done 1of 2 posts for depression on thoughts, took me over 2 hours..that not landed as yet. Will be 😢 If Depression one gets lost in cyber space.

Deebi, I know how you feel about ADs but maybe just for a while try them..if you feel better then you have for a while it will at least give your mind and emotions a rest..

Rest and sleep as much as you can Deebi, it will help bring you up a little quicker, and help you to stay there..

I hope the rest of your day is good Deebi, just rest and realax...Nothing for you to answer here honey, so just enjoy your day as best you can...

Kind thoughts and enjoy you day hugs 🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..xx

[PamelaR]

Hiya stranger (DB)

It's been so long since I've been by to say hello. Sorry to hear you on Day 23. What a shyte and doing it all without meds. You are one awesome gal Deebs.

I do think about you a lot, though I do know you have a support crowd around you, so I give my time to those who don't or have limited support. It does not mean that you are less deserving, on the contrary I think by the amount of support you get it says the absolute opposite.

Reaching out my hand to you Deebs. I think I've said it to you once before, if I had a magic wand like Samantha, I'd flick it and say - make life forever more pleasurable for Deebs.

Hugs and more hugs to a special person.

Pammy

[demonblaster]

Dear lovely kind people

Grandy I'll have a good chat to GP tomoz but it concerns me for the times when I'm ok if they're going to wizz be back into a cycle but in the past I took a script and he said shouldnt but I have heard BP it can. I was on stronger meds for BP but no worse now than before taking them and still on one. Thank you for everything Grandy, you're an amazing caring compassionate sweet love a great friend 😗🤗 SO supportive. Honey 😀 love it ⚘ You're very good to me Grandy. You're so easy to be with. Love you darlin 🦄 💜🤝💑

Pepstar Geez I never thought of Peppy it suits Grandy it's so cute. Another to your growing achievement belt 😆 you too are always there thanks Peps it really means a lot. Oh.. oh 😆and the choccy wow...looks like I can spare half a one to Starts and Grandy oh oh my darlings Sapphire and Mandy baby will be needing some too. Hope todays better for you lovey 🤗

Starts Come only if and when you're ok too hun, it's always lovely to see you and I always appreciate you too 🤗😚Thanks hun yeah it's so intense, gotta get help its too much.

Pammy..running towards..huge hugs..HELLLOOOOO hope you're travelling well darl, was wondering how your camping went but I'll get to your thread soon and see there. Thankyou for your kindness, I completely understand but miss you, when I get myself sorted I hope to be helping more again too. Take really good care lovey.

Mandy huns you've also been and are amazing thankyou so much, I feel I haven't responded enough but you certainly help so much. I'm deeply moved by your posts as well 🤗😚 I have read a lot but want to go back on your thread so didnt thumb them or a few anyway. You're way stronger than you think. Proud of you 🤗

Many thanks good people 🦄

[Ggrand]

Good Night Swwet Deebi,

Take your time with your GP tomorrow. Talk to him and take your time, ask him everything you need and want to know..Don't do anything you feel is not right for you...listen to me like a big sis telling you what to do..Sorry beautiful 👸🏻 but I worry about you so much...

Good luck tomorrow, I hope everything turns out good for you..oh..oh..Deebi..Don't forget to wear your Deendy broach tomorrow, it will give you the 🔥 to talk tomorrow...

Thank you Deebi, for being you...okay I'm off to sandmans land now..I hope..

A brand new day tomorrow, a brand new start tomorrow for us...let's all enjoy tomorrow..🙋..waves and nite mites everyone..

love you Deebi..💜🦄..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and all),

So many emotions...this frequent roller coaster ride sounds very exhausting. Surely, it must be so draining to go up then down and back again. It must take so much out of you...

As always, your self insight and reflection skills serve you well. You clearly recognise your emotions and you’re considering your options in terms of both what help is available and what you personally feel comfortable with.

About the meds, I obviously can’t tell you what to (or not to do) as it’s your decision to make of course. I will say that I will support you, no matter your decision...because that’s what friends do 🙂

Also...small query...only half a choccie for your each friend? Didn’t I give you a truckload plus an extra 1000 choccies the other day. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt to give them each one whole bar...or have you eaten all them already? Lol!

Yes, I quite like the nickname, Peppy 🙂 Thanks Grandy!

Super soul hugs and a bonus box of choccies (free delivery too; I’m generous like that)

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good luck today. Sweet Deebi,

Im 👀 And 👂 And 🤝 Don't forget 🐍🔥only if you want to..

love you Deebi..🦄

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹 Grandy.