Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful friends. Great day with lovely family and friends, a couple I see more regularly these days, the hr trip went fast we were chat chat there and back. The other we call occasionally and text. Great bloke. So touched they came. Helped no end today, this morning was very average MH, cant believe was in REALLY bad BP same time last year, although this was hairy for a while it wasnt as bad as last yr. Damn it gets dark. Still tired. Again thank you so much guys,everyone for your amazing care and support 🤗 eternal gratitude.

Dear WolfyRandom great comfort too in your posts. Will reply soon ☺💗 and Quirky too ☺ if you dont mind can I ask you some stuff re BP? please, ok if no Bbl ☺👍

Grandy I'm sorry I did withdraw but honestly didnt stop loving you, I was hurting hard and of course beasty had me.I was scared you were going so I guess self preservation. Sowwy Floss🤗💑💜 I was a donk 😙🌹 You're so caring thank you and Mandy for todays well wishes. Always love your posts. Looking forward to camp fire 😀😍and 🎁more replies soon 🤗 thanks lovey shoulder good so 8 mths for full healing. Dont want that again SO 😭

Mandy alias spider woman 😆 crack up. You're such a sweet thank you for everything too. Hun at least I get the mania, yes the downs are extreme but so are the goods, incredible. You have untold to contend with daily and past, you're so kind with excellent support. I think you're a beautiful chook 🤗 love you too 💜💗🌹Haha your mention of Grandys bag 😅wow loven the pressies, might have to see what goodies I have in my 📮 checked soz cant find my trolly bag

Love you Grandy precious 🤗🦄🌹💜

SLD our little darling thanks too, all pains settling phoo foot still, need to do excercises but not too bad atm. Ultrasound/blood test near future, few things on this wk. Might pass tomoz new MH group need so much more sleep. I'll go in a f.nite. Oh yeah baby loving the goodies and pretties, don't waste your $ on me darl...mumbles yeah right, keep da choccy rollin girl 😙🤗🦋

Pepstar hope you're ok lovey seen you're struggling but ok sort of 🤗 bbl huns. Lovin the super supers 😆and the health bars 😆

Wow the difference from even this morn to now let alone the last few days, no way I'd consider anything atm I feel normal happy and free of beasty. Won't get cocky but just quietly say I think I shoo..off ya go...choofed IT 💗

Be ok good people please 🌹🤗

[startingnew]

SL im glad your pain is easing abit. Your weeks sounding busy but just a gentle reminder to be careful and take things easy. Gotta prioritise when unwell (mental or physica)

If your not up fo the group then dont go. Missing a week here and there wont do much damage.

💙💝💌💛💓💜💖💚💞💟❤❣💕💗

💪👭⛤

🍫🍰🍩🍭🍧🍦☕

🌷🌼🌻🌺🌹🌸⚘

There we go a nice variety for you

Goodnight DB sleep well xoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Deebi, Please believe me when I say I won't leave you..I would never do that to you..🌹..hurts a little that you don't trust or believe me...but I understand you as well...Please next time you think I am, which I won't be..speak to me first, so I can reassure you..💜🌹..Please.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im sitting outside on my veranda tonight under a doona, I need the stars tonight, If I fall asleep here it's ok, I'm thinking of you tonight lovely lady..Ive let go 2 🎈 🎈into the night sky, they are going up towards the stars, they should arrive at your 🏡 tomorrow..They are special friendship 🎈🎈..inside each balloon ..oh you can squint your eyes and see inside tiny hearts and hugs floating in them..you can put your hands through the 🎈 🎈they are made of special star material that doesn't pop, put your hand through and take a hug 🤗 when you want, then take a ❤️.put them together and you will get..a Love and care squishy feel good hug, any time you need one..

I hope they arrive tomorrow morning for you...

🤗 and ❤️

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB,

I’m very happy that you’re in much better spirits. Hopefully Beasty stays away now...

Your time with friends and family over the weekend sounds wonderful. It must have really helped to lift your mood and you clearly had a good time 🙂 Good company...

I’m relieved that the pain seems to be more manageable now as I know how physical pain can get us down emotionally. Physical pain and mental anguish are interconnected...

I’m glad you’re enjoying your health bars (aka chocolate. Lol). Sending more your way and by the truckload too!

Super soul hugs and love,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Awe you loves are amazing. Thank you 💗

Bbl wasnt going to new group thought might be detrimental to recovery but then thought its more support and learning so going in about a minute.

Woke really good, going a bit South again so people be good too. I know 3 that go I think and new ones be good.

Texted MH bloke said tho I do but will tell him more in depth how low it goes and start sussing if which I have strong doubts but worth a try intensive therapy somewhere. Even just be somewhere in the deeps. Too friggen hard alone.

Grandy ..WOW! Bbl talk to yaz 😍 love 🤗

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Really happy that you woke up feeling good this morning. Sounds like the group thing will be beneficial to you, so I'm glad you've decided to go.

Also really really pleased to hear that you have spoken to your MH bloke about sussing out your options with regards to some type of intensive therapy. I so hope something comes of that. You are so right ... there comes a time that we just cannot continue to do it alone.

Great to hear from you this morning. 💗

Mandy 💜

[demonblaster]

Many thanks as always loves 😚

Starts 😀 cute of ya the emoji variety. Appreciate re taking it easy too its as we know alone times are dangerous. Had a few moments at the group, excused myself had a durry, I'm in whoop creek seriously through durries and digging the hole deeper its just too much atm but I know I have to bite the bullet. Bloody self sabotage.

Liked group, glad I went. 1 to me beasty Definately will be a big help, they follow a similar pattern to a well known effective system.Got some good reading material, paying them off. Cheap. I'll put it on book thread sometime. Its doing. Like reading and most things I usually struggle following through. Read tinsy of other book but I'll get there and want to read other including Paullys Claire weeks ( bear hugs always welcome Paully ☺) and Grandy found same author. Starting to improve taking more notes.

Might ring bb again, need to talk to someone.

Beasties still got a grip. Lunch and try to sleep more.

Just gotta get through this, I guess habit is to pull up being around people or talking to them & like being around them. It's not good still but through the worst hoping. I'm scared whoopless of the deeps as so many would know 😢 😭 when I'm good its ok not much thoughts.

Started a list of coping strats on ph: so need to continue and later I'll read your coping strategies Starts, think I tagged it not sure.

I'm getting to the point of desparation but that could be beasty playing cause theres improves so if I just get bloody organized and do things then I can work on healing. We touched on some of that (motivation) in readings from one of the books, I saw a lot of stuff I'd figured out (or heard maybe over the yrs) so I know mostly I'm on the right track but applying's a different story.

Sorry repeats, forget and trying to sort it in my head now I've forgotten what I was goin to say.

Didnt wanna cry there but probs will sometime. Theres varied stuff which is good, I had input, listened but would have liked to spill today but just seeing how they roll. A couple did.

Couple of other reasons hospital probs not going to be a good option is meds (later) and other not here

I'll ring them now, lifted a little and am ok atm. Not in deep but..

Bbl 🤗☺

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Deebi,

Firstly Deebi, I'm really proud of you going to the new group today..I know you didn't feel like it this morning, but hun you done it..🌹

Im hoping by the sounds of your time there today, that this group may be good for you...I really do hope so, Just go slow, ease in slowly until you feel comfortable enough, maybe later an outlet for you pain and hurt Deebi...🤔..

That's beasty dragging you into desperation Deebi, Come on hun, your strong, your my heroine, you can do this...Yes Deebi, we know what to do most times to help us..but when we're as low as we go, we forget and feel so worthless and unworthy of trying to fix us...but if we remember how to help us, beasty just won't let us utilise it onto ourselves... This is were we need to work on..I think...

Hun, it's okay to cry, remember that, it's an outlet for our emotions.. Im really sorry 😐 Deebi, I wish I could help you more then I do...I really do...😢

Love you Deebi..💜

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹.Grandy...alway here for you Deebi,

🙋..Waves to everyone else, thinking of you all as well..I hope your day is good..

[demonblaster]

I'm not exactly rock bottom but walking close to the line as mentioned getting desparate again for help. Survival kicking in more so because it's scaring the hell outta me having thoughts so much & contemplates. It's being alone (no loving partner) making the difference and BP's more frequently. I'm ok atm no intentions to act at this stage. It's too often too deep and wearing me down, these are better overall lately than what I've lived but still wicked hard.
So feeling a little better. A Lot cause bb forums 💗 new group today, reluctantly not because psychs not really good. i know ,she really is but $ and when I see her again I'll ask more things.

So instigating more help. Rang bb she was good, said ring MH, did happy she said I can ring in the deeps even if not having ideations, told her in past I've felt brushed off, they've said unless I'm acute can't ring just to talk, I get it they're for critical. Low funding, priorities, time etc) they've been great tho but was another shut door so thats open again. Mixed messages from them but when I have rung they've said we havent heard from you for a while 😮 so I said why & have in past too. I'm able to talk atm like ☎️ other day had a call xx Wow!. Explained to all calls today I can pull up joke etc but ..
The other one mentioned on a thread I'm in process of getting help from is Healthy minds, GP fri to access them, nice bloke.

I KNOW I can do this and if I had that clarity in the mania still I'd be sweet but its the jigsaw scattered again. I'm at the point now that I'll beg if I have to and being assertive like I have in the past but not really to any avail.

New friend from both MH groups said my input today was really good and thats what they need. Good to hear, for every person helped which BB you're amazing we can help others. I dont know how yet but I'll be helping you bb more too when I sort beasty.

✊👍💪✌👋💗

[startingnew]

Hi DB

That beasty needs to shoo shoo away. Maybe put a mirror in front of you and when the beast see its reflect itll go running with its tail between its legs!

im really proud of you for ringing for extra help and support and got someone loveley on the other end.

Well done on going to the group even though your low.

I cant remember if you said youve spoken to your mh worker or not? Do you think maybe you could have a chat to them and see if they can help bring you back up again to?

Sending some extra hugs and love. Hoping you can feel the love and warmth through the screen

🌻❤🌼💟🌸💖🌺💝🌹💓⚘

Oh and some of these 🍫🍰🍦