Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Darling Grandy 😚 thank you for your honesty 🙄 sorry sweet heart to hurt you and I too understand that 🤗⚘Yes I will say in future, if something bothers me in rl I say to people, I really do love and appreciate you so much, There's reasons I have semi doubts ,but not here. just my fuzzed up head. Hey when I'm in good space even not I do at least know now I'm lovable thanks to having a lot of love until idiots let their rot out that is & reinforces what beastys convinced me of over a lifetime

Hun if you knew half of what you do for me, how you make me feel wow EVERY time I see a post from you my heart glows mean it. Every post wow, you said you wish you could do more for me, OMG I don't think you could! Honestly I LOVE our friendship, we go to so many levels and I know and so appreciate you having my back amongst SO many here means the world. Youse also are good reasons not to make the wrong choice again.

Obviously beasties not only wrong ❎ but deaf, so I'm working on getting IT hearing aids 🔊 to listen to me and to turn mine off permanently!☝️💪

From a very deep place in my heart I thank you so so much for your time and amazing friendship...and Love 🤗💗💑💜

I'm slowly starting to collect all your fantasy god I love them your humour and EVERYTHING about you and your compassion runs so deep you beautiful person (I know you weren't saying that for me to say this) Thank you Grandy you honestly put so much light in my life 🌹, Rose ☺

Wolfy ☺ thank you also for having my back and staying by me, wish I could express enough how deep that goes . IT's incredibly comforting and means more than you'd realise. i feel a strong connection to you as well.

The strategies you mentioned are great which I have and will re read as I do a lot. Liking the gong. I'lll copy the gratitude one, I'm starting to Learn to take more notes in a more organized (pfftt slow process that too) way, found another useful app on this gremlin infested tablet love it beyond. Slowly working my way back to threads, will yours soon too lately been shutting down in survival mode so only reading sporadically, caught up with Blondys great love yourself one too. SoLid. so I'Ll be baccck, sorry can't let that one go 😄

Starts thanks too sweets, yes SLD I texted today MH bloke and have but will tell him more tomoz at bbq. Mirror 🤣 Yes hun thx I feel your love, ditto darling and choccy 😆MAGIC! 🤗😚 you be ok too girl, all of you 🤗

[Ggrand]

Good Night Lovely Deebi,

Thank you Deebi, for saying all those things to to me.. wow Deebi, when I opened your 💌 and read your📄, I cried, your words are so heartfelt to me. ..I put your 📄 Into my special 🗳and 🔒 it away and put the 🔑into my ❤️.

Speaking to you is so natural and easy, Your special hun . I lost trust in people Deebi, You and Tony wk, are the first two people I trusted in a long time... yous have taught me that there are people that can be trusted out their that don't just want to hurt me, and then I started trusting all the lovelies here, and even a few in r/l...

Awe Deebi, I'm loosing it.. Your 🦄 Sweetheart..love your friendship and you.. sorry I cant talk anymore, I cant see the screen..

will bbl..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy xx.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Some powerful and life affirming posts there. I admire you spirit and determination despite all that you’re going through.

I think it’s wise that you’re increasing your personal supports as you’re clearly struggling a lot: helplines, GP appointment, psych, forums, etc. You have clearly recognised that you need the support and have reach your...I’m feeling proud.

Sorry, I can’t remember if you have a safety plan but if you do, I hope you also keep it in a highly accessible place. If not, maybe you would like to consider creating one. Hopefully you won’t need it but it can be a very powerful tool if your thoughts worsen and you don’t feel safe...

Sitting with you quietly and sending much love and soul hugs...

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Seriously you loves all of you are pillars. Such good people with gentle kindness in your hearts.

I'm starting to get my 🔥back, sure I heard beasty whimper just then.

💗🤗 Grandy, 🤗☘Peps, 🤗🦋Starts (ohh still blown away with your Avitar, you hit Gold with that darling)⚘Quirky, don't think youre a hugger so a lovely flower ☺, 💜💑 Mandy, I think I'm nearly caught up at yours, some I need to go back and read more so be there soon😚🤗 I'm going to reply loves but while I'm feeling good still very tired. Going to navigate and catch up on a few threads so in bits ☺ You're all so appreciated 🌹

[demonblaster]

BP day 21

Mania finished 19th by a previous comment so 8/10 days ish.Changes in it more recently. Gold total peace calm and clarity which was maybe a minute or 2, the rest was part of the day, then a break for 1/2 days. Usually all in one hit, was happy thought if its a quicky it wont be so severe, ohhh how wrong we can be! The 2nd part the type I think was type 1 came in hard and fast, the physical sensation in the chest it was palpable and ultra excitement settled with what can't be discussed here but not obvious reasons as in hard drugs. Mostly now I can control the super pump by being aware to keep calm and not get over excited. Mammoth hard cause you want it but still feel amazing though.

Learnt from this one. hough it was in mania beasty was often throwing in down thoughts. I blocked emotional thoughts to follow by not allowing thinking how it makes me feel, occasionally managed a positive thought or a positive about the down situation but though I got the racing thoughts down its still very full on upstairs, the heads turned on. Happy plus. Thoughts at a constant of anything and everything with exuberance, the energy wow motivation floods through the mind and body. Exhausting in itself but OH SO GOOD so I'm more settled with it kinda these days. Party party yeah but in rational mind and cruisy.

Deeps hit very hard but still not the depths and constant from previous yrs thank God, exhausting but this is better the up and down rapid cycling as opposed to only downs tho mania was interferred with too. Seems like my wirings starting to change so gotta be a good.. God knows it's corroded

As a result the clarity in mania re MH this time has had positive residual effects I've started reaching out more and feeling invigorated and want more than ever to make positive changes and act on things not procrastinate, I accept it'll take a while and want to get stuck into reading matter especially. I HAVE to get on top and can. Wish that clarity stayed but it's there and showed me the way so now to instigate help to act on it.Just need a while to recover fully.

If it wasnt for the guidance and support here at bb WOW! Mind blowing. That's to everyone that makes here run like a well oiled machine. So safe and secure. Sanctuary. Respect 💗🌹

Feeling like a few more days catch up sleep and back to normal happy.

[startingnew]

Good to hear your getting your fire back DB. Your much stronger than the beast 💖

[Guest8901]

You're amazing Deebs!

🔥 🌹 🤗

Mandy 💜

[demonblaster]

LOVE your posts. You light my heart. The dust gun dont turn it around this time😂. 🙃 good isnt it hear ya about feeling that way. Balloon one absolutely gorgeous. Little hearts put your hand through. You're very creative. Brilliant thankyou lovey.Thank you for being proud & such an amazing friend And trusting us is lovely. Is Tony ok been missing him.Love you floss 💜🌹💑 Huns your going to get through this like we do. I'll be at your place in a couple 🤝👀

Sweety from research I'm fairly sure & saw again rapid cycling is 4 or more a yr. I/we are having mixed episodes having up and down often during episodes.

Thanks shoulder settled. Archilles easing, need to do excercises.
Have migrainy headache again tried your cool pack around neck will again prefer than meds.

Birdy ya gorgeous tweety you too speak from your heart, you're beautiful. Thank you darling lady. Your comments are uplifting. Hope you're doing ok 🤗🌹🐧

Quirky thanks so much coming in, very comforting knowing you care enough to read. I've heard that about higher the BP's lower we go, could be right cause the type 1's were way lower and these are wicked hard. I'm not going to ask BP stuff cause I don't want you to feel obliged to reply here
You're very kind saying what you did. Thank you 🐣🌹💗

Peps thanks always darl, was going to tell people where Im at but just brushed over it not to pull them down on a great day.Thx all it was really good the cuppa. Another tomoz with special group. Loven your choccy and truckload ohhh baby. Yes love a safety plan the bb BeyondNow excellent. Did update recently and will again. Thanks ☘🤗🕊

Mandy Thx you guys never put pressure on me to post, I love that yous care so much and honestly its reciprocated and for your amazing support.
Told my MH bloke at bbq today how low I go moreso and SI he'll write as well for my NDIS application.Your supports mammoth thank you love only if you're ok really 😚🤗🌹

Starts darling SLD thankyou for your lovely ongoing support too sweet thing.🌹🦋🤗

Loves got more sleep sarvo still whacked was a bit low on waking not bad now. Signing off soon.

[Ggrand]

Good Night Sweet Deebi,🦄..

I hope your bbq went really good today, I know you like them and I hope some lovely hugs and chit chat for you..I know it helps you...Good food, good people..nice talks..It's good to have fortnightly..

Thank you a real lot Deebi for liking my posts, I enjoy talking to you so much..it makes me calm down, I like going into my safe little world, I can do anything in their because it's fantasy and safe always safe Deebi , no one can hurt us in my fantasy world ever, beasty is banned from entering... I look at your avatar and talk to it. Silly you prob think, but it helps me..Big happy colourful smiley face..I can imagine that's you when your high..😁☺️..

My psych said the same 4 or more per year.. The mixed emotions in the episodes are what makes me so exhausted, confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ It plays with our minds way to much...sometimes I'm only hour on top then it's the feeling of going down again, and being there for a few hours maybe the rest of the day, then start up again..tears and normal tears and normal, so confusing, exhausting and scarey.. Deebi, the BP thread, is really good, I'm reading more then posting I don't post because I don't want to bring others down , but reading I'm learning a lot, Quirky is a hostess on that thread, if you feel to honey, maybe tag and join in conversation there as well. If it's not to much for you you.. I'm pleased to hear that your healing.😚. Heartwarming to hear..🌹.Did you 👂 The 🌎 headline breaking news?...

It was..👼 💜 🦄...Grandy loves Deebi...🌹💜..it made headlines around the world...✈️..love our friendship and time and you being you...

Good night to all you other lobbies as well, your all very special to me much care and love to you all.❤️🤗🤗.

Love you Deebi,

Warm and sleepy time hugs,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I’m glad things seem to be improving and you have Beasty under control. The way you manage your BP is inspiring. I’m so happy that your inner flame is reigniting 🙂

I think it’s great that you already have a safety plan and that you’re so proactive in wanting to keep it up to date. Well done!

Oh and you’re off the hook about the 8 choccies that you “borrowed” from me. Grandy pleaded with a 4 leaf clover and gold bangle so how could I say no? Lol.

Super affectionate soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo