Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good morning Deebi,

I was so upset when I listaened to your post above..Have you seen about that area of you back before? Maybe try for blood test, should tell you if kidneys functioning correctly..Pleas make an appointment asap with your dr. Or go to ed if it's still to tender today..🌹.

Did you have a good time last night begpfore back incident, I hope so...

Oh honey I hope your ok, How is your Mental Health ?

It's a nice Autumn day here, don't know where you are , but honey if it's nice and sunny, how about we sit on your balcony and have a cuppa together, then I'll massage some heat cream into your back, and the sit you in your recliner with a hot pack on you back and a really feather soft blanket wrapped around you with the delicate pan flute playing...

Please keep letting us all know how your feeling both physically and mentally very regularly..

Love you sweet Deebi..💜🌹..

Hugs to who needs them..🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im so hoping with all the hope I have in my heart and soul that you are okay...

I know that you said you thumbs up..but I don't know if it's you or not...

Can I ask something from you..if you don't want to that's okay..

on the following post..please can you ...

🌹...means your okay..

🦄...means your not okay.

💜...means you need to talk, but hard to..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....means Please Grandy, talk to me and reassure me that your still holding my hands..

Please honey, can you if able to just pop one of those emojis in a post.. when your hurting and need me..💜🌹

💜 U Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹.Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hi DB

the pain your describing doesnt sound very good. i really think its worth getting in to see your gp asap or the hospital to get some treatment incase its an infection or something.

please take it easy and get yourself some care. we are all here for you

love and hugs, sitting with you, hoping that your ok xoxox

[Guest8901]

Oh Deebs, I'm really sorry to hear that you have some additional health concerns right now. It doesnt sound good at all. As if you arent already going through enough physical health issues! Please dont take any risks, and book in to see someone about it before it becomes a major concern. I really dont like the sound of it at all, and am concerned for you sweetie. I can see that Karen is very worried for you as well, as it unusual to not hear from you all day. I dont want to put any pressure on you to post if you dont want to, but I hope you will soon be able to reassure all of us that you're okay.

So many people here care an enormous amount for you Deebs, please dont allow anything bad to happen to you. Hopefully your concerns are unfounded and its minor. But you wont know until you get it checked out.

Not sure if you had any plans for any social events today? Your life seems to have been a bit of a whirlwind of activity lately. Which is great because I know you enjoy that. Though its still important to allow some quiet time afterwards. Hopefully thats what you're doing today.

My very kindest and healing thoughts to you, and much love.

Mandy 💜

[demonblaster]

BP day ?

Going ok hun thanks for everyone for your help and support it means the world

Read your broach to mil 💗 she said that was lovely and you must be a beautiful person and because I talk about you & here a lot. She's beautiful, really love her 💗

Could be coming from my back this side pain sometimes its the same place both sides or maybe muscle yip I'll try to GP before cuppa Grandy 🤗need it checked. Haven't done the blood tests yet. Dont think kidney. Foot ? archilles, researched Planta fasciitis don't think so

Been working on a BP post in bits, maybe tomoz

Ragged, hoping to sleep a lot tomoz. Not reading much atm. Been keeping busy just gotta get through this. Few hards

Hope yous ok

Love ☺💗💜 gotta rest up 😚

Thank you ☺🤗😚 nigh nite

[Ggrand]

Hey lovely Deebi,🦄

Thank you for letting me/us know 💜..

Your mil sounds like a really lovely person 🙋

Sleep as much as you can...I'll be sitting with you, always ready to talk if you need to...

Your strong, honey..I'll walk with you through this episode, you will come out the other end a winner..🥇..

Big healing warm hugs 🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy.

[demonblaster]

I've never had support like this, had very little full stop.THANK YOU all beautiful people yous have no idea 💕

Making some headway & getting more of an understanding of depression

Had to stop reading a thread yesterday, the content was very sad and for the first time here it was too much. Beasty had hold for a bit so another learn. Times before on here I didnt feel more pain. The hard parts were/are wording in downs hard enough in normals. This has taken 3 hrs so far & tablet gremlins/breaky extra time, not stressing but annoying

Grandy re me being stubborn which I am but mostly not here intentionally. I listen & hear in complete lucid times or often much later it sinks in. I'm learning so much it's remembering and learning how to apply. So many walls stop it but I'll get there as they say here gently ⚘ My priority atm is to handle beasty by not letting it take me down. Lot of blocking following thoughts tho I realise blocking isnt ideal tho maybe ok in this regard. Frig knows whats to come. I'm trying not to allow any negative thinking and working on positives that I'm going to get through this. In the manias (2 types) the mutt was slamming. Working on a BP post

Yes Mandy good girl thx⚘cause I've had untold social & for a while yet, agree time out but atm its also danger zones. It's saving me till I learn more being ok with myself. Been busy doing other things (jobbies) has helped which only happens in mania

Beasty woke me 5.30am. Good sleep tho.It had me yesterday when I was here but cried & pulled out also looked around SW⚘quick 2nd cry this cycle.

Great idea G we're synced, was thinking along similar lines, is it ok if I change the emojis 💕

Loves I am going to try to get in to GP b4 cuppa sorry couldnt think properly its sorta kidney area more on sides, feels like a knife pain (am I allowed to say that triggers?) Kinda like muscle tear pain. I dont think its serious had it intermittently over ? Yr/s but that was the most at one time & ongoing so am checkin it out. ? Lypomas got heaps & some beauties said to a GP how will I know if lumps are cancer or them, she agreed. Don't think its serious as in life threatening.Back seems to have settled I'll avoid sitting low places for now.

Great idea G we're synced, was thinking along similar lines, is it ok if I change the emojis 💕

✅.ok
😢 .ok/struggling
😭 .not okay
😷 .need to talk, but hard
🤝 .talk/reassure me
❓.Ask questions plz.

Thanks lovey 🤗 need these atm more than usual 💜😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Just letting you know that I am very quietly, just sitting with you today/night, in case you need me...shhhh.

Sleep as much as you can.. I'll stay quiet and just 👀 out for you today..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹 🦄💜.

[Guest8901]

Deebs, you deserved every bit of support you currently receive. Nobody is more deserving than you. 💕

Glad to hear you intend to see your GP.

Always keeping an eye out for you 👀 and listening even though 😷. With you in spirit at least.

Please take care, as I've come to consider you a very dear friend 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and dont like to see you suffering.

Mandy 💜 🌹

[demonblaster]

Thank you precious friend. You be ok too lovey saw you're struggling atm too 🤗 Because you're a good girl 😀 maybe later I'll do something back for you darling love 💜

Mandy you too like so many here are so kind and what lovely things to hear, thank you honestly I feel same. You're one of many that blow me away. The kindness care compassion and support, really thank you darlin 🤗🤗 extra one I reckon you need lovely one 💕

Today no biggies so that's good. In mania which has finished probs yesterday/day before I was doing things so going to try when I recover to keep doing even if littles in between episodes. Trouble but good is I have pretty much still daily social with varied people for the next wk or more so I have to try harder not to go back into mania by taming the excitement which could easily happen with people stimulation at this particular time but what'll be will be.

I'll bbl sometime to reply to you loves from earlier. Thanks so much, if this stays as is and no more hards it's major improves. Time will tell 😚🤗