Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and all),

Look at you, The Popular One. Lol. I’m glad you’re enjoying all these social events. Socialising is great and especially as you’re more extroverted than introverted 🙂

I hope you enjoyed time with your MIL. I know how special she is to you so it must be nice to spend some quality time with her.

You must be feeling so many mixed emotions for your friend with prostate cancer. Worried but hopeful too. I also hope his op goes well. I think maybe it’s time for me to give you a 4 leaf clover. For luck for his op...

Speaking of which, I actually went back to the antique shop yesterday to buy the preserved 4 leaf clover. The sales lady looked at me like I was making questionable choices; her look said “this strange person is willing to pay this much for 4 leaves on a stem?” Lol!

Yes, you do drive a tough bargain. lol. Here’s another 12 choccie bars today...

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 🦄,

I so hope very much that you have a really good 😊 time today..It warms my heart so much knowing that you are so loved/liked and that you are enjoying outs with some friends..

Deebi, I'm sorry about your lovely friend, I really hope he will be okay.. 😢..I hope his operation will go really well for him...(and you). Please be careful, love you and I don't want to see you hurting..

Thats okay, Deebi love you checking on me, you make me feel special, but I understand their are others to are important and special..

Deebi, My Mental Health is steadily plodding along, I'm trying really hard to change my mindset..Trying to do things, I can't handle a downer now so really trying hard, but not sleeping is a warning that a cycle is on it's way.... I think my Psych has thrown me away.. I left two messages asking her to ring me she hasn't..

Glands yes, really sore, but when I think of others, like your lovely friend and others, I shouldn't be complaining..

Deebi, honey, you're so much a really good caring friend to me..I understand that others here are important and special..It's okay please don't be sowwy, gee 🔊 have I told you lately how adorabubbly you are..😁😍..

Um 2am.? That's not really being a good girl 😇, you are so lucky 12 choccie bars wow. Deebi thats 1 every 2 hours..lol if you have too many I can take one off your hands and make it easier for you to carry them..

Again honey, I hope your day was a good one, plenty of chit chat and hugs..😁😊.

Umm ..Deebi..🍫..Love you..🍫..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹..Grandy..

🙋 hello special people..I hope your day is a good day..🤗🤗 hugs..

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD nice to see you but wayyy better seeing those pressies..sweet oh so sweet gifts...ummm...said that out loud didn't I 😶 last night up to date with you my SLD. Not sure when but I'll post but know lovey I'm 👀🤗💜 or ❤?

Sweet Sapphire ☺ hey chooks thanks for visit too lovey. Been thinking heaps about your speech pathology course, chat at yours when I'm there next not sure when, I'll just get through this BP. I regularly catch up tho to how you're going 🤗. That's ok just when you're up to it for visits, look after you first I understand, always nice seeing you though ☺

Thx asking re heal, mmm think its going to be an issue, tinsy sore today, might need to back off some hills and do more flat. Grr. I'll wait a few days then check it out unless it worsens.

yw = you're welcome re campfire. Grandy did a "Virtual fantasy and escape" thread. Grandy can we start in there, like at Weetbix Willow chat about it or would you prefer the finished version, oh I twigged when I went to bed "the other" was this thread 🙂 truth hun all good, no probs at all. Glad you did it ☺ Soz Sapphire just caught her while she was 🏃‍♀️ past.

Sweet the flowers thank you, seen your gifts around, brings a smile and warmth.

Pineapple yum thankyee mam, aren't they lovely excuse again, Grandy on your grounding thread we were talking about energy food. Was talking to someone & Pineapples one but I can't remember if there was more benefits cause fruit not sure if it all has sucrose (sugar from fruit) could be a feel good food, I know who it was so when I see her next.

Mostly good atm thanks but Beasty keeps knocking and wanting to play, I'm not letting it, been telling it where to go and it's choofing, head down tail between legs, don't wanna get IT💗 angry but being firm so far so good 👍

Keep up your great strides Sapphire 💙🤗

[demonblaster]

Peps/Grandy thanks for lovely posts and your time 🙄 I'll bbl to reply, more often now I'm getting better at closing shop here earlier.

Update, had a ball today yelled out so much I'm 🐎. 😆 Was so good, maybe my foots a bit sore cause one of the lovelies I ran with to encourage her to which she most of the way. After that I asked if they have a room for heart attacks 😉 Shame not many supporters tho and one group didnt show but there would've been 30+ so met quite a few newbies and support workers as well. Seeing them so happy makes it all worthwhile and saw some that I don't see these days and they remember me which is gorgeous. Love them.

Saw a few people on bus and chats with people all day really was really good.

Invite for tea tomoz night, nearly broke but I'll just get 🍟and don't ya hate that 😆 and water, love food but its the company and haven't seen one in ages.

Was hoping sleep in tomoz but a good friend asked if I'd like to go for a blat (drive) ouch early but I usually choose people first and we don't get many catch ups these days

Got sleep sarvo bout 2 hrs, need bulk but holding

Nigh nite restful sleeps I hope

Love to ya Grandy Floss? Is that what you mean, them together? 🤗

[demonblaster]

Hey Pepstar yes people not all the time and not everyone lol but enjoy them. Someone said yesterday I'm a good PR person, thought that was good wording. I heard you've got some social coming up in w/e and a couple of art gallery visits sounds great hope you enjoy your time ☺

For the Cancer cuppa, for sure quality time with mil and I've been in the family (does that sound gangster to you 😆) many yrs so always easy time with them, beautiful big and close family, hard being there with so many ghosts of late love but still enjoy. I didnt like living in that area though it's well liked.

Hope your days improve hun, same as others I will be back on your thread when I get through this mind scramble but do catch up

Oh cool you got the clover, haha wonder if she doesn't sell many and was air punching when you left. Sounds like it'd be ..dar..brain block, like gentle piece of jewellery. Is it 3 or 4 for luck. Good on you. Hope you enjoy your friends company.

Oh you're very kind giving me a stack of healthy energy bars, that's what they are aren't they 😆 head down feet dragging I better share with our Grandy since she looks after us so well. See ya hun have a great w/e 🤗

Had few hrs sleep but its 3.30 am was stirred and restless in sleep kept having ruminating dreams so got up with sleeper

Nigh night darl 🤗💗

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

Look at you, you’re always so very popular (and “gangsta” apparently lol). I’m glad you’re enjoying various social events. That’s fantastic to hear 🙂

Take your time with things...no rush or pressure to check out my thread. Just when and if you feel up to it...

Yes, I would think there would be bittersweet moments with your mil; quality time but also reminders of your late darling...

I suppose a preserved 4 leaf clover is a slightly odd purchase. Don’t know what that says about me. Lol! 4 leaves is supposed to be lucky.

I’m happy to hear you sounding so much more lively these days...you seem more like “you” again 🙂

Also here is another 12 choccie bars, wait, sorry, I mean “health” bars. Enjoy...

Have fun tonight at the dinner. It’s a shame about the money situation but at least you will have good company.

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebs,

Well, aren't you the social butterfly! So good to see Deebs, as I know you need social interaction. I agree that you would likely make a fantastic PR person. Thanks for your posts to me during the week. Much appreciated as I have been feeling quite isolated and alone this week. But I have been reading and keeping an eye out for you, and willing you on.

Energy bars? You mean choccy dont you? Hmmm, some of those might be good for me too. Perhaps Pepper can spare a few for me too. I could use some energy and a bit of 'get up and go'.

I think its lovely how you have such a good relationship with your MIL, she must be a special person. But then again ... so are you. So 2 special people. I also admire you for doing the Cancer Council's Biggest Morning Tea thing. I see you've got an invite for tea tonight. Hope that is enjoyable for you, with a friend you've not seen in a while. And so sorry to read of your male friend's prostate cancer. It doesnt sound good, but there again treatments are constantly improving. And his mental attitude and positivity will count for a lot too.

Always thinking of you Deebs my friend. 👀🤗

Mandy 💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Here is some, 🍯 and 🍋 drops for your 🐎 Voice..lol next time you can use 🔊..or 🎤...

I don't mind where campfire 🔥, is held, anywhere is great by me....

Deebi, I really hope you have a fun time at dinner tonight..great friends, fun times, makes happy memories..🤗😌...

💅 👄 just a couple of little 🎁.. for tonight if you like them..

Thank you for sharing the chocolate 🍫 oops energy bars with me...

Enjoy your day..I'm going to sit outside in a minute, get some sun, then probably try for some sleep 😴...

Bbl ,

(L&C)......💜&🤗 deeply 🦄..Deebi.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹.Grandy..

I hope everyone's day is a good day..xx🤗..

[demonblaster]

Hey lovelies

Grandy you get me everytime 😂 light and love 💑😗🤗

Girls thanks so much I've read appreciate greatly always and thumbed earlier.

Bed in a ticcy.

Not saying it'll happen but just in case, tonite was the worst it's happened but this has been intermittently ongoing over a fair while potentially not necessarily though I may land in hospital, gut feeling says it's not serious but somethings not right.

Think I have a small (unusual,usually major bad back outs) At times when I get outta bed sometimes both sides sorta kidney area catches severely usually once. Tonight after tea with friends several times L) side caught REALLY severely, couldn't move for pain and tender now but ok

I have some whopper lypomas (fatty tissue lumps) ? Or ? throughout body dunno but that and back could be a problem near future. Only saying in case it worsens and I'm outta picture. I know what its like not knowing and being in BP I don't want yous worrying. Might be muscle or back but it seems a bit far away from back to be radiating pain.

I'll reply when next on

Nigh nite loves 🤗☺😗

[Ggrand]

Good Night, Sweet Deebi,

Im really very sorry Deebi. ..Please be okay ...I will talk to you later on this morning honey..atm I in need of some sleep...

💜..u Deebi.

Grandy..