Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[PamelaR]

Hiya Deeb (wave to your awesome support team!)

Thank you so much for your lovely words. I'm chuffed.... I do find it hard to feel I'm okay. Why would anyone like me? My mother used to instil to me, that I was worthless and not worth it. But you, lovely person give me hope for myself. Thanks Deebs.

So you ready for our walk. Perhaps we'll drive there. I'll pick you up in my supercharged MG (LOL). You might need a scarf to hold your hair down.

Arrrr, we arrive at the beach carpark. It's quite today, even though 'it's school hols'. I picked a beach not frequented by families. It's for serious surfers.

So out of the car, walking along the tree lined pathway to the beach and rocks. Awww, it's almost sunset, the colours of the sun are being reflected on the water. Look at those gorgeous oranges, reds. How beautiful is that. Okay, not sure about your energy levels - did you want to walk briskly or slowly. Either way is good for me.

Of we go at your pace, sand between the toes, surf is coming in (with the surfers), ripples towards us and over our toes. Beautiful cool water, and the sand so soft under our toes. The light of day makes the colour of the sand spark like jewels. How awesome is that.

Let's breathe in the salt air, the wondrous sounds of surf crashing, the fading light over the water as the sun sets slowly. Gently relaxing the body, mind, soul and all thoughts. Just travel to release all tensions in the body.

Keep breathing and breathing. You wonderful soul Deeb.

🤗🤗🤗💥💥🌚🌕

Pammy

[demonblaster]

You're a real sweetheart Birdy.. thank you, you're so very supportive.

Birdys her name who's known as tweety

A treasure of a friend, shes such a sweety

Encouragement, kindness care and support

Sharing a gentle heart with tender thought

May your life have love and eternal peace dear friend

For people like you .. help a troubled mind mend ⚘

💗🤗

Thank you .. everyone 💖

Ohhh Grandy that goes for you too beautiful soul.(poem)

I LOVE our time and the places we go. lol we muck around, play, chat, support eachother, affection (yeah a must) go to far away fantasy, laugh the list goes on, you are serious 🦄 lady. Your heart pumps Gold I swear. I do miss you and no way not leaving, thought you were drifting 😚

Nah you're the master story teller I'm the apprentice but hey I can't be amazing at everything aye 😆, soul hug supreme at your service.. one moment please ...yeah stand in line you lot ..that's it..

Thanks hun yeah its more my shoulder now (strongest pain) and doesn't like sleeping on R side but my body does ☺ so probs more like Dec aye for healing fully at least its backing off slowly.

It is very scary darlin and yeah being alone makes it worse doesn't it, I was flat but doesn't touch BP downs, my lows go a long time. I'm down to one pill a day now for BP woohoo loven that. Also through weight loss exercise 1 pill diabetes and halved (all of them) the strength over time.I can't leave you Grandy, don't leave me either lovely 🤗

Love your good girl ..honey 😊😚

Oh kittens too ... LOVE LOVE em

How's your wee doggies. Have you been able to walk at all. You've got a lot of psych stuff coming up aye I'd love to be with you holding your hand like you so kindly do me. Soz can't new sentence with tablet gremlins

Love you 🦄 🤝 💖 💑

Oh have you seen my new trick ... 🤹‍♀️...

[demonblaster]

Ohhhh Pammy baby...runs🏃‍♀️ oops wrong way towards you and gives you a whopping soul 🤗

And hellloooo Pammy we have an excellent story teller in our group, what a beautiful walk...absolutely LOVED it..you have a gift lady 💥..I swear when I read your stories girls and Wolfy I'm like a big kid grinning from ear to ear, eyes sparkling. Yous are so beautiful 🤗 from my heart thank you 💖

So remind me darl on our next dose of bliss not to wear my 👠

I'm sorry that you were walking for a bit by yourself and chatting away ..pssttt...don't anyone tell her that people were looking sshhhh...couldn't resist popping in for a quick dunk, god I love being in water

So my lovely ..watch this space...I'm going to take you on an adventure very soon..mmm...what to wear...💭..👢..🕶..👗👜..👔..mmm...decisions..wonder if we'll need 🐎 or 🐪..ahaaa ..maybe ...🏍..or we could borrow Grandys 🚜..from the cafe...I still lol about that one

Pam darl that was amazing ..thank you ..so much ..felt it. Loved it, you're amazing don't ever settle for any less about yourself. 🤗💖

Grandy I so hope you get some quality sleep tonight you poor darling 🤗 it does rack us mentally and physically...I'm staying at yours tonight if that's ok...I baked a lovely roast lamb with gravy mint jelly crunchy potatoes, beans, zucchini, cauli and cheese white sauce..NO PEAS...Tia Maria and OMG..butterscotch pudding...ohhh yeah baby ...sshhh that parts Sarah Lee mmmmm yummo

Hun you've a big coming up, I might stay few days we can watch our stars and I'll be holding your hand.

Grandy.. gently with a nice refreshing cool lavender scented soft velvet touch cloth wiping away your tears you dear dear soul, I'll (we'll) look after you sweets 👀💜 you go to sleep now honey ..easy does it ..there you go ..nice and snug...nigh night lovely 😚

🤗

[demonblaster]

Ahhh Grandy you crack me up

Karaoke with Mandy the other day I burst out laughing.. oh still am ..when you said people will think a wild animal escaped the zoo.. LOL.. oh struth I'm tearing up, laughed when I read it yesterday and again just now

And your special flower delivery from Ipad..and that tractor ride in the cafe, ohh Grandy you're seriously a tonic

Love ya to bits...yeah moon and back 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Pammy,

Pammy.....I enjoyed your story, it was so relaxing I love standing on the sand getting my feet wet..Wow it's been maybe 7 years since I've been to the beach...maybe one day I'll drive there but closest beach is nearly 8 hours away.. great story Pammy..Thank you..💜 Good Night, I hope you sleep deeply..Care for you..

Deebi.... 😋 What a feast, your such a good girl, oh yummy...love roast lamb and mint jelly.. Ooh ooh ooh crunchy potatoes the best, veggies as well,NO PEAS..is good by me...butterscotch pudding, Tia Maria...your spoiling me honey..

I doubt sleep will come tonight not tired...but I am in bed now laying down.. I'll get it when I can..That's how I done it last time, will try to do the same this time..

Awe Deebi, thank you for staying with me.. Hate these tears, lavender smells calming thank you..

You make me feel safe Deebi..Thank you..

Good Night Deebi..love you..

(L&C).🤗💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz 😀

Just woke and it's as pretty much the norm here a gorgeous day... few birdies singing (LOVE magpies sounds) their gentle melodies and I feel good.

First thoughts were things you guys say here like Dools says think of the good things,

• so I woke up
• Can walk
• Have all my faculties
• The day its lovely

Good way to start and that's right not thinking about the future occasionally with dread probs was the mild depression well mild to BP anyway.

Possibly it could be an episode starting hopefully not yet but would be consistent for me but that's ok just gotta run or better walk with it.

Going back to bed pretty tired but all good

Grandy if you knew what a pleasure it is being in your compan ..Thank you for you 🦄

Incidentally I woke wee hrs this morning to a kinda alarm ...it's one of the phones ( land line) think its possessed and making noises again...hymmmm..was given these recently not complaining, very grateful unless battery playing up no clue

Grandy darlin lady I hear you gettin sleep when you can thats what I do, that energy above exhaustions amazing but savage isn't it, glad you were in bed though your bodies still gettin rest

I hope todays easier for you hun, want you to be as refreshed as po for your big wk with psychs huns 😚

So glad you enjoyed our lamb, I'll cook lovely rissolles today and crunch spuds again cause you oooh ooh them 😊🤗 you're easy to please ya sweetheart, maybe we could invite Pammy Mandy and tweety over for lamb salad sometime and star watching under our 🌲 🙁

Grandy sweet I'm with you every step of your journey darlin holdin you and your hand ok, you're going to come out the other side, we'll find your light with your army together

Big love lady 🤗😗 peace

Pauly don't know if your listening but big 🤗 to you, I read you're not so good atm ☹ buddy I'd be happy to be here for you if you want to talk or company.. ok if not though ☺really hope todays brighter for you, you so deserve goods fella

Hoping for light in your days all 🤗

[Birdy77]

Dearest Deebsta ❤

You made me cry!

The words you wrote me have given me such a gorgeous glow in my heart.

You are such a lovely person.

Thank you ❤

Sounds like it's paradise there this morning, hope you can enjoy the lovely day dear Deebsta.

🌻birdy xo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning my special Deebi,.

I got a couple of hours sleep last night, after the feast you cooked me I was so full, I ended up drifting of to sleep..

My time with you is what keeps me going honey, love it, when I don't hear from you it puts a downer into my day..but no pressure, just saying.

Love the energy bursts, so good Deebi but oh I hate the exhaustion and tears that follow, with you by my side I have to be okay..I'm not looking forward to the down Deebi, it's not fair, you know, we know their coming but can't stop them..

Would be so lovely to have Pammy, Mandy, birdie over as well for a party, get together we would have a great time..

Ive been watching this one star, it's so bright and emits reds, blues greens etc, I usually talk to it,unload myself onto it or talk to you through it...

Thank you so much for being with me Deebi, not just saying but meaning it when I say you make me feel safe, your words comfort me so much..

Love the positives Deebi, it's good for the soul to be able to write them down...I'm so proud of you for doing that..

Please Deebi, take care of you, so hope your not heading into a downer, if I remember properly I think last time we were both down together..

I meant to say on my last post, I'll never drift away from you..I usually go quiet if I'm hurting to much..The right words just don't come to me. So I keep quiet don't want to pull you all down..

Be kind to yourself hun. Sleep now, and I hope you sleep good and wake up better then you are now..

Love you Deebi,

(L&C)...🤗🤗 hugs for you..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[demonblaster]

☺ you're so cute tweety glad you liked it, people should know when they're making a difference 🤗

Yes it's paradise here, love it, pretty much everyone here does, amazing place people are hapoy too and smile at eachother, I've lived a lot of places in Oz and this is magic 🦄

Keep glowing darl 💖 and enjoy your day too, hey that's lovely thanks for reading.

Oop just got up again was gunna walk get lunch but raining..was sunny but all good

Grandy my precious glad you got at least a couple hrs 💤 yeah hun the downs are geesh..words.. they're incredibly hard wow where they take ya ..dark recesses of the mind, the pits, hey we'll get ya through sweet.I may with luck not be going in cause I got more sleep before still tired tho maybe cause walking my full hills again some beauties.

I mean this G even if I can't (rare) talk I still wanna know how you are what you're feeling ok you don't have to hold back sweet lady, I understand and am still your 💑 ☺ in my lows too. Do know where your coming from tho 😙

Geez how awful I didn't mention Peps and Starts might like to come to tea too. I feel terrible and yous know I think tbe world of yaz I was just naming recent visitors plz forgive 😚

Thank you for being so supportive and boosting Grandy, you mean so much to me and many here if only you knew as I do 🤗

Rock Wolf nah Rockstar SW I miss you so much yet feel you close by ..zany aye even though you don't.. no can't better word..reply.. I feel the pain and frustration you must feel. Leaves me wondering ,..are you ok rock.. I'll always hold onto that, ..your friendship and love I'll never let go of. Be ok my dear friend 😚 Deep love. Always in my thoughts and 💖.. mean it, you're a beautiful person. Such an impact, people like you ya never forget ⚘ 🤗

[Sapphire_]

Hello Lovely Deebee.

Your an amazing person. Have a wise mind and strong spirit.

Hope you have some sunshine in your day. 🌞🌻☀️

Sapphire xoxo