Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi..

wrote you a post.. looks like it's held back.

Love you Deebi.

Good night honey.

(L&C)

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I hope you get to go on more walks too as I know how much you enjoy them. I think you were the one who used to always write about walking in a hilly area 🙂

Thank you for the lovely message (also for the beautiful soul hug that you left me on my thread ❤️Gratefully received).

I’m very much looking forward to having a day and a half off. I have a date...with alcohol lol. It’s one of the few times in life when all the pain in the world just temporarily goes away....no role model here and certainly not suggesting anyone else should do what I do...

Talk to you after the weekend.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good morning Deebi,

I hope you are okay. Take time out for yourself today and look after yourself..

Enjoy your walk if your up to it.

The birds are really noisey today out my front..

love you Deebi,

(L&C).

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

post from early morning not landed yet.

[PamelaR]

Calling in DB to see if you wanted to go for a walk along the beach?

How did you sleep last night?

Thinking of you.

Pammy

[demonblaster]

Ahh dear sweet Grandy so good to see you but not good to know you're a mess come here, giving you a long loving hug. You're going to be ok hun I'll be here with you as long as you need me.. not letting go lovey..hey ..got something for you...over here...

🎁.... this is a captivating... dazzling...eye catching .. crystal vase... ohh.. you gasp 😲taken in by the magnifence of those incredible.. gentle yet striking colours.. you feel an instant spark ☄of warmth in your soul ..it's starting to glow..something about these colours that beckon you to move inside their realm..your breathing is slow.. calm with a depth you've never known giving you a feeling of complete well-being .. pain leaves your body with every breath released while every breath in absorbing an energy.. a power like you've never experienced..you feel it feeding your soul with strength ..you feel invigorated.. you're alive .. every colour of the🌈 with your beautiful Purple emanating from this remarkable piece of sheer astonishing beauty. Your smile brightens the room and those cute little squeals of excitement as your face opens watching the tranquil sun beams dance playfully over the crystal creating joyful delicate sparkles of diamond flecks filling your soul with an illuminating feeling of serenity calm and eternal peace. You are now floating, gliding in a state of solace. You're feeling completely relaxed free and content with the knowledge Deebis right here holding you close and loves you. You're now at one with the universe...you're at peace, loved and deeply appreciated. You're safe ⚘

💜

💓

💑

Ohhh Grandy I do love your stories.. and posts, thankyou soo much..Deendy looks after us. 😀 you're 🦄

Thought you were pulling away 🙁 so glad to see you. Miss you 🤗😚

[demonblaster]

Hey Peps hope you enjoy your date ☺ and time out hun

Yes walking's good I find it stimulating and nice being amongst it great stress release too not that I am atm but nice too seeing people chat or hi

Hope you're doing ok Peps no need to reply I heard what you said on your thread lovey all good and you're very welcome for soul hug. Hey we gotta do what we gotta do 🤗 Take care beautiful soul. Thznkyou always for your time and care huns 💗

Pammy .. what a breath of fresh air you are too.. I'd love to have a walk with you on the beach ..thankyou

Yes good sleep thanks still waking in pain but milder usually settling quicker too phew, woke me early went back bed later, little headache today but ok

Hope you're doing well ☺ great your threads booming, I'm keeping up with it.

You're lovely Pammy 🤗 you too take good care.

You're all beautiful 🤗

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. How good it is to hear that you are at last sleeping better, and also that the pain you are waking up to is milder than it has been. Definitely an improvement. Hope that continues.

Karen, wont make it to your thread, but thinking of you. You've been a bit quiet this week, and I'm concerned for you.

Hi everyone else too.

Mandy

[demonblaster]

Hey sweets was gunna say hi to you here but didn't want you to feel obligated to reply and boom here you are 🤗 darlin you need a whopping great comforting hug thankyou so much for your time and effort with the extra pressure you're under you're a real gem. I really do appreciate your friendship and am keeping a constant eye on you. You're a very strong lady very caring. Pleasure doing time with you. Haha that sounds a bit suss ☺

See you soon at your place huns 💗

[Birdy77]

Hey Deebsta,

It's very nice to see some little rainbow sparkles starting to radiate around the forums again ... I saw your amazing welcome to Andy and it brought a big smile, it was a wonderful post.

I hope you are still taking great care of yourself and going gently. I always read along and wish the very best for you, you are a very special person.

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Lovely Deebi, That is a beautiful and treasured gift, thank you, I love crystal the colours are brilliantly sparkling..wow hun your better then me, at stories..loved it and will read again before bed tonight, so peaceful..🕊..

When I was a little girl, I would hide from my parents when things got unbearable between the shed and fence and would make up magical places to take me far away, it worked but I always ended up back in my hiding spot..I used to wish so hard that I could magically stay in my minds place.

I close down when I get into these ultra rapid cycles, these lasted last time a week. I don't want to pull you /people down. There the pits Deebi, racks the emotions and body big time, no sleep, little mania but not long enough, and then boom tears....Geez last time I ended in bp down, for around a week, minds bad, scarey in the downs, especially alone..Stay with me please Deebi..

Im pleased you arm and shoulder isn't hurting as intense as before, are you managing sleeping in bed? I hope your day is a good day today and your heading out of your void.

Take some time for you Deebi, be gentle with yourself, I'm hoping your pain continues to ease.. I'm so pleased to see you around the forums a little again, but honey you first.🤗

Love you Deebi, 🤗😚..missed you to Deebi.

(L&C)..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..