Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Yeah she's a brilliant writer I think last I knew was she was in the twenties, haha her Nan and lulu is it she brings them all alive

Thanks Reiki. I'm so glad it's settling have to be very careful it can take up to 8 mths to settle (bulging discs)

Good btw glad you're doin a thread, take your time hun. I'll squiz your others sometime too

Hope psych goes well darl 😊

[PamelaR]

Just started 'MY' thread. Under 'staying well - what helps to keep well'. I couldn't put anything under the journey threads... But that's okay. It will help to emote (I think) - something I really need to do.

Yeh, will let you know how things go. 🤗

[demonblaster]

Good onya darl just posted glad you have ☺

Thanks yeah I'm not fazed too much bout durries I'l be ok getting off em

Yeah got lot of like/love and see different ones or in touch but I need to make more effort, withdrawals easy to do but hard living, just need to find those happies again they're there. Friends organised something no idea what but sounds neat not sure when it's happening.

Just bla pretty much atm.

Is anything different with the site logging on etc that you know of? Tis for me

[startingnew]

those injections dont sound very pleasant at all, but heard they work too. i really hope your pain eases off soon.

hows your day been?

[demonblaster]

Hey Starts yeah v.painful to have them but they do work, harsh on bod dunno bout now but can only have limited a yr. Nah I'll ride it, over the worst holy phew hard pain, gotta nurse it hope no more flare ups

Was rough earlier Starts but not too bad atm thanks how bout your day ☺

Thanks dropping by SLD 🦋🤗

💖 thoughts Grandy 🤗 miss you 😚

Paul what a beautiful 💗 post. You've got serious magic always known that, hope you're well

thinking to do more walking maybe couple times daily or and longer walks. Gotta get back up too easy to slide and stagnate

Time

Pam sorry nah not gym and couldnt afford but yeah I do walk I do hills that are helping no end with core srength for my back. Stress release you're amongst it ..see people chat smile I like it. My peace is being in the water thats what caused this bout of pain first time in an age loved it at least I know more now to hopefully get this better

Have a good day good people ⚘

🤗 for anyone wanting

[PamelaR]

Nighty night. Sweet dreams Deeb.

[demonblaster]

🤗 nigh night Pammy same to you ☺

💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄,

Im fine....

Please don't worry.

Love you Deebi.💜,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Ok thanks Grandy 💜

Love you too 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Just checking on you to see how you are. Missing you 🦄.

I hope you are okay..I'm ultra rapid cycling again Deebi, it's hard, hate this..I don't sleep, just crying for hours then okay, then happies, then back down, this is my 4th cycle today, it's exhausting..My psychiatrist appointment his coming from Sydney 12/4..plus my psychologist visit 17/4 as well..going to be a hard week..

Im going to hold your hand while we visit my magical get away from this awful place I'm in.. it's high up in the sky, we get there by a dragon, only one we fly together holding hands..were going to the highest cloud, flying through the sky, the wind blowing our hair and faces with fresh clean air. We land on the highest cloud and deendy, puts us own onto a rock right in the middle of a huge river, werecsitting under a after fall, the water falling all over or heads down our bodies it warm water from the heat of the sun, our feet are in the water, being tickled by teeny weeny fishies, the warm water is sooo relaxing, there's the gentle sounds of the wind chimes playing in the breeze. We just sitting there so peacefully our minds are filled with the beauty that surrounds us,. Ahhhhh Deebi it's peaceful..

We are gently lifted up by the cloud pixies, and placed on a feather soft cloud with the softest pillow ever.. while the teeny weeny pixies with glitter in there hair starts to massage our heads...Then our shoulders, feel the tension leave Deebi, feel the tension leave you as they continue to massage your shoulders. Then they start combing your hair as they slowly cover us with another cloud. You can't keep you eyes open honey, they are getting heavy and just want to stay closed, drifting off to sleep you hear the wind chimes, the sound of the waterfall and river fading into the background, your seconds from a deep sleep,,,,,,everything is so quiet now as you sleep like you never have for a long time..deep and peaceful..sleep my special friend...The littoes pixies with glitter in their hair will stay with us tonight, we're still holding hands, The pixies sprinkle their pixie dust with my angel dust all over you sweetheart so when you awaken in the morning you will have a beautiful day with magical moments of peace...

Missing my special friend 🦄 so much..

Love you deep Deebi, please be okay,,your so special...I couldn't sleep until I talked to you..

(L&C).

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.