Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Don't worry bout reply just a vent

Not feeling depressed saw couple of familiar faces quicky hi on walk but just wanna cry. No idea why just feeling like I need to. Maybe arm affecting sleep wearing me down dunno couple💧dropping now

The other day I sat on balcony and listened to the birdies, love hearing them and if you tune in theres a lot of different ones chatting. Was kinda like meditation.

NEARLY did some art other day too, what and why do these damned walls erect. Said to someone we could try to see through them rather than as a concrete block.

Not sure bit wary

Theres better than this I usually come good by now and am happy (not stroppy or anything just meh ..here)

Not sure about PTSD but haven't looked into it much yet

Yeah Grandy know what you mean about a hug and everything be ok aye. I get hugs when out and about but its the other times.

Money still going from bank for beeps sake daghhh somethings not right and ph too. Cant even get onto them and they're important but always tomoz.

Yeah average but ok

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Awe honey, I'm so sorry your feeling sad, sometimes it's hard to know what's worse depression or sadness, depression puts us into such an unbearable dark place, but sadness gives us a feeling of also unbearable vulnerability.

Don't you just love the music of the birds, I just love watching them, out here there are no cars at all passing on any road except for hecresidents, lol my road maybe no cars for weeks, so it's absolutely nature quiet here if you know what I mean.. No made made noises, not even planes pass overhead, it's just the sounds of nature, bird 🐦 singing, frogs 🐸 making there chatty noise, cows 🐮 Mooing, horses 🐴 Neighing, sheep 🐑 baa baaing, it's nice..but, there is alway a but, it's easy to go months without seeing a person if I don't go into town once a week..

Deebi 🦄, I have no fear in this village....my front door is never locked only closed, my back door is always open it not even closed 24/7. it's a nice place to live.. That's why I sit outside at night to watch the stars, sometimes I fall asleep outside at night..

I tried painting once lol mine looked like a 2 year old could do better, I'm not artistic but so much admire those that are, I believe we have 2 artists here that make a living from their paintings, Deebi what do you like painting?

The walls honey, sheesh, there are cemented in so much, maybe you should try and chip them away a little at a time and see how you go.. you just need the most minute drop of light to enter to get the fire 🔥 burning..I know what your thinking now, and I'm trying as well, we'll chip away together as well as each others chip..scrape..chip...chip see the walls are getting thinner so we can keep chipping away, what do you say? .

Deebi, mi hope I'm not dragging you down, please don't worry about me..I'm okay.. and I will be okay...I have a reason. It's you, my reason is to keep you on top and when your down get you back up again..but if it is me please be honest and tell me...

Always remember that I'm here if you need to talk..Im always here for you .alway 24/7..❤️🤗.

Kindness only my sweet friend 👩‍❤️‍👩.

Grandy👼

[demonblaster]

WOW

Beyond magic

💖

You NEVER drag me Grandy ohhh.. no wayyy.

I truly can't word.. WOW Grandy bbl

Hugging you so tight

[demonblaster]

Sounds peaceful Grandy nature its breath taking.I wouldnt like being isolated tho. You have a couple of neighbours? There was/is the lady you use to see from verandah sometimes

As long as you enjoyed it Grandy. Painting.I did a day thing, was good, liked the release. Love to do some on the walls here I usually do with fine felt pen or biro. Haven 't done much painting.

Not sure but I think the best descriptions tribal art. Nearly everyone says Tats. They give you nothing for it better to be tatooist I'd think..art can go on anything. It's patterns and designs. Not love or passion believed yrs I can go well with it, bloody motivation..zilch.. It's nice creating tho, hope to finish them all one day, they're about 80% ish

Together yeah but easier to look through the walls. If they're transparent easier to see the goal and how to get there

No Grandy you're so lovely to me and everyone you speak to. Your soul shines

Just need to take the head outta neutral.

Daghh going to bed soon. Worn out.. wary. Its like my heads just stopped I think it needs this down (not depressed atm just empty I guess) time to equalize. Got to find those happy beans.. here somewhere

Night darl sleep well tonight you'll be comfy in the spare bed ..it squeaks 🤣 nah just playin 🤗

[demonblaster]

Even with proof reading 😀 didnt mean you to get your head outta neutral, meant mine 🙃

Ok off too 💤

💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 🦄..

Awe Deebi thank you for your tight hugs 🤗🤗 they feel super special and comforting..💞💕💛

I have been sitting here now for some time, so I think it's time I came in to visit you plus I need company tonight..This sadness of mine is making me so sad...if that makes sense..

I'm just coming in to say goodnight to you honey, I hope your getting some good sleep 😴 tonight.. I brought a relaxing mindfulness cd with me. This one is of a rainforest with rain gently falling on the trees 🌴and some birds🦅🐦 softy chirping away with a pan flute playing the sounds of the winds.. I'll put it on and we can listen together as I gently massage your arm until you fall asleep.

The spare bed was so comfy last night, so if it's okay with you I'll use it again tonight..

I will be 👀 you tonight as I hold hands 🤝 with you, if that's okay.. I bought some more magical angel dust 👼 , and some special fire 🔥..The fire 🔥 is super special this time, I got some from the circle of fire, from Hercules, I met him and told him I have a special friend that has an arm that needs healing..

Good Night honey..Sleep well and I'm hoping tomorrow will be brighter then today for you ❤️.. I 💛 You and 🤗 Care deeply Deebi. always

💞💞💞🤗🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👼..👀 🤝 🤗

[demonblaster]

Loven your work lady

Please do stay so happy when you do and that cd ohhhh magic🦄

You're so beautiful looking my arm I know Im going on about it its just a mongrel and pain in shoulder from msssaging too but think it needed it. Worse tonight. You're a tonic hun thanks Grandy

You make me smile

💗 🤗⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

It’s always very touching to witness the love and support here. I love seeing the friendships here grow 🙂

Thank you, I really appreciate the well wishes (appreciation runs soul deep)...been thinking a lot lately. Lost in my own head or more like analysing my own behaviour but I feel that’s a whole other story (or post lol).

I hope you sleep well tonight.

Love and Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

SL 💙💜💛❤🍰🍫🎁🌻🌼🌷🐥🕊

[demonblaster]

You don't miss a beat Peps you're a loyal lovely friend. I mean it. Always nice to see you. I follow your progress my darlin ..oh oh where have they gone...👀..oh phew

Yeah shes a treasure isn't she our dear Grandy.

Hope you're settling well into your new job hun and your new life going well, thinking..we have to do it don't we else we don't find solutions and coping techniques.

Peps thanks for standing by me 🤗

Soul touchings good ☺

Hope your days a good one sweet 😚

Starts what a lovely basket of goodies you dear thing. Ooops enhaled the choc and cake..just happened had no control ..what a shame too. Thanks sweety you're a honey too.

We've gotta get you back up my girl.

Oh David Attenborough an ad for one of his nature shows starts with a striking Royal Blue butterfly, think of you when I see it.

Be ok sweet SLD 🤗