Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 🦄

Im sorry to be adding to your busy night but I thought I would pop in early .

Ill be sitting with you tonight, holding hands and my angel wings protecting your arm.

Wont be much company tonight my ear and jaw has been aching now for a few days but today the ache is beyond okay..ouchy..

im going to lay down now and so hoping sleep comes soon. I've just taken some really strong pain relief tablets, lol been holding off taking them, maybe a bit to long but have now..

I fed my little 🐧🐦🐤 oh I found this one as well 🦆 he was wondering around out back eating my 🐶 food 🥘..

Sleep well honey and I'm so hoping you do and I'll definitely chat to you tomorrow if you feel up to it. ❤️👁👁🤗 lol love, looking and soul hugs are all yours.

❤️🤗

Grandy👼

[demonblaster]

Dear lovely Mandy

Very sorry to hear of your loss 🤗 what a tragic severe loss you suffered and at an early age. Really am sorry to hear that honey.

Yes I feel same darl very lucky to have had this love reciprocated, we were happy. 28 yrs. Over half my life and bulk adult life. Thought we were going to grow old together Mandy. Wasnt to be.

Bipolar I can accurately equate to heavy grieving God it was rough, slammed something wicked, the pain was unbelievable hard enough going through it but that on top nearly took me again.Beyond hell.

3 yrs now BP always brings pain to the surface which is the nature of depression the mutt. Yeah its been hard again lately I know this party us sparking pain but think its in a weird way I'm kinda more aware now he definately isnt coming back stuff it! God I miss him SO much. Loneliness is cruel, I have a few friends see them its the night time no one here to bat it all at to vent to love me for me.

Through the worst but yeah hard atm. I know we continue to grieve but its slamming atm, cant just be this party like I say its kinda another step towards realisation.

If you ever need to talk about anything Mandy no matter how Im travelling Im here for you too sweet.

How are you?

Thanks so much for coming in and supporting, btw yes I was answering you on other post just didnt personalise it ☺

Please look after yourself darlin you are so cared for loved respected here 🤗🤗

[demonblaster]

My dear Grandy please NEVER be sorry coming in LOVE your company and friendship geez you make me laugh.

Ohhh that was beautiful your angel wing around my arm. Must have laid wrong way ended up same as you holding off but dropped a heavy couldnt sleep its now 2.30am. I remember you having pain with jaw and ear poor darling yikes that sounds like it'd be hardsleeping but hoping the meds help. Let us know how you are when you're up to it hun 🤗💆‍♀️very very gentle one. Sorry for your pain sweets xx

Lol so glad you fed the clan 🐧🐦🐤 🦆

[demonblaster]

Soz froze so did it that way.

I hope you feel better hun in the morning, is there anything can be done for that pain? Cant remember if there is.

Oh did you feed them weetbix too, good healthy universal food

ALWAYS want to talk to you my lady so yeah better wobble back to bed and see you all tomoz or today actually

Hope you're all well

🤗😗

[demonblaster]

4.15am phooey arm really stirred up mustve slept weirdly on it. Had another pill getting too much.

Giving up durries again going ok bought 1 today

Walked again today ot all the hills havent for while but still 4 and ok walk slightly aggravated arm but was bearable.

Ok gunna watch tv for a bit and hope this settles.

Really hope you're all sleeping well

[Ggrand]

Good morning lovely Deebi

Oh no you needed me last night and I wasn't their for you.

The painkillers really knocked me out last night, slept around 8 hours, the pain has lessened off a bit so not bad now..

Im hoping your asleep again honey and your arm is easing off again..

Love and Care always,

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Good morning lovely Deebi,🦄

I posted a small post earlier, it hasn't come through yet..lol I think I put a wrong word on it, I'm not sure.

Maybe I pressed delete, I'm not sure,

The pain relief pills worked a treat for sleep lol, and the pain has gone back to the usual dull ache. I think I slept around 6 hours, feeling a more brain relaxed .

Im hoping you've gone back to sleep by now and have a few more hours sleep.

I need to kick my butt and get outside today, geez I was doing well with MHN coming over, I'll try harder today,

Oh honey I'm really sorry about your arm, does hot or cold packs have any effect at all on lessening the pain.

Speak later if you feel/ want anytime.

Please Deebi, take care of yourself, especially your arm/neck, ❤️

Holding your hands still, gentle pain easing hugs soul hugs {{{{{🤗👼🤗👼🤗👼}}}}}.

❤️🤗

Grandy👼

[Peppermintbach]

Morning DB and all,

You certainly had an early start to the day. I hope catching some screen time plus going on a walk was (is) relaxing.

I also hope the pain in your arm lessens a little. I feel physical and psychological pain can be so interconnected...

Yes, love and lost. I don’t know what it’s like to lose the love of your life but it must be a kind of pain that words can’t truly describe. You hold him in your heart but I know it’s just not the same...

Loving soul hugs (no quota),

Pepper xoxo

P.S. just to let you know, I’m implementing my own weekly self care routine (as usual) so I won’t be online much over the next 1-2 days. You know how it goes (lol) so if I don’t visit your thread again today, we will talk after the weekend 🙂

[smallwolf]

Write or don't write. That really is your decision. I find writing to be an outlet for emotions, a means of getting thoughts out of my head. Maybe over time there will be good posts and not so good posts, but hopefully not all negative. You are good at helping others such as myself, you just need to apply some that magic on yourself. Cause you are worth it.

Grandy has a magical healing pool in her thread... Wanna go there? Waiting for you there.

If not there, what outdoor setting do you like and see if we can find that place?

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi, 🦄.

Gentle hugs {{{{{👼🤗🤗🤗👼}}}}}.

Just letting you know I'm thinking 💭 of you..I hope you are 👌 okay...and your pain has lessened some. I wish it was totally gone 😢.

I hope you will enjoy your day the best you can...

👁👁 still and 🤝🤝 always with 🤗🤗🤗 when you need..

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy...

ps: just rest honey, just a thumbs up so I know your ok,