Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Tess2]

Hi lee and all,

thanks for the encouraging reply. The last week I seem to have gone Down a big black tunnel and see no light at the end of it. Life feels hopeless and joyless. I just want to stay in bed all the time and I know that is not good. But I can’t muster the energy to do anything. The house is a mess and I can’t fix it.

Tess

[Tess2]

Well it is grey and gloomy here a bit cold too. I just can’t be bothered to do anything, but I might tackle the ironing.

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess...

I have a lovely warm sunny day here today....How are you feeling lovely lady?...

Ironing I haven’t for years..one job I really cannot be bothered to do...I try to get only non iron clothes..and fold my sheets, pillow slips straight from the line.....

Thank you very much for your beautiful support on mine these past two weeks..I really do appreciate you.💖..

Love and hugs...dear friend 💜🤗.

Grandy..

[Tess2]

Hello dear Grandy,

thanks for the reply and lovely words. I really appreciate you. I don’t get a lot of responses, but I don’t write on a lot of other peoples so I suppose that has to do with it. I read some people regularly and could be more supportive to others.

I have felt really sad lately and can’t shake it.

i am knitting matching beanies for my eldest son and his little boy, 5, I find it relaxing and enjoy seeing the completed items.

your walking stick project sounds great. I wish I could see it as you go.

take care of yourself

tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess..

Thank you for all your inspiring support on mine..I’m feeling guilty I haven’t been here for you and I’m deeply sorry and feel bad....

You’re Last posts you said you have been feeling really sad..Can I ask you how your feeling now sweety.?..

Wow that’s gold that your knitting matching beanies for your son and grandson....It will be so good when you see them both wearing them together...I haven’t really knitted for years..I used to make most of my children’s jumpers but now no motivation or self satisfaction...I’m hoping my walking stick will be something that I’ll enjoy doing once I get it all sanded back...

please take as much care and be very gently to you..your a beautiful person..and it hurts me to know that your struggling so much...

Sending you some love and caring hugs..💜🤗..

Grandy

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

thank you for writing here, you thinking of me means a lot. I am trying to feel better, but I struggle with it I have had enough Grandy. I follow your posts and hope you get through the current difficult period

tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Tess 🤗💖..

Please sweety try not to have enough of trying..I feel in myself that it is worth it...One day, one week, one year it will happen...I believe it has to...Please try hard to believe this as well....

Your an important person in your children’s and grandchildren’s lives....and the lives of me and others here...

We tend to give up..I do a lot..but then I think...they would win...and I’m trying hard for them not to win....not to let depression take me away from a life I have been given....

Why should we not depression define us?...because lovely lady we are very much better then our depression...it is only a small...but unfortunately powerful part of us that we can overcome with time, patience, determination and belief....

Im finding I’m doing more distractions then living atm..but it has to change sometime...I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my days...and I’m certain you don’t either dearest Tess....So what do you say lovely lady...Let’s us not give up together...Better things are around that mysterious hidden corner...we have to find it first and not give up looking for it....others have found it...so I don’t see why we can’t find it as well if we keep on trying....please try Dear Tess...Your a beautiful women...I know you have the strength to keep on trying and doing it in the end....

Always with you Dear Tess....Thank you for your wonderful support and walking along with me..I’m so very grateful I have met you and am lucky to have someone like you in my corner...

Kind thoughts...love and hugs 💖🤗.

Grandy....

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

thank you so much for your ongoing support and kindness, it means a great deal. I just don’t know how to keep doing this. I dread waking each day and having to get through it. I don’t know how. I used to be a confident capable woman now I feel useless. I admire how you keep trying and going on with your life. I just don’t have the energy.

Tess

[Ggrand]

Dearest lovely Tess🤗..

Life is precious..their are times with mh the daily struggles of living our life and thinking what are we doing this for...and it’s hard to see past until the next minute sometimes...which makes us very tired and we ask ourselves what for....

Its to see the sun rise the next day...that phone call from a friend..our grandchildren’s unconditional love..watching them play and being their for them as they grow up..it’s our children..although they can be selfish with their time and seem to forget us..they still deeply love us...It’s the trees blowing in the wind...it’s our happy memories..Believe me Tess it’s hard..I have tried to end my life several times...but in our darkest place we can still at times see some happiness or even laugh when we remember good times with friends or family...these are the times we should be thinking of...we can at times even accomplish small tasks and say to ourselves I did it...then the sun sets and brings us a new day..it’s a new start to our lives...that we can do something and try to think differently from yesterday....

My Hubby wasn’t a good father to our children..he was mean and sometimes I’ll even say sadistic..but my boys cried their eyes out for weeks when he passed away....so did I....The love of a child is always in them for their parents...Maybe it’s pushed way back down into their mind but it does surface from time to time..that’s worth fighting for....That goes for friends as well I think....

I hate waking each day...I mean theirs just me here..and each day is another day that I need to get past..Daily I’ll clean my house now..a few months ago, I didn’t care about it...I still don’t but cleaning it daily gives me a routine to start my day and I’ve accomplished something...not big but something...

Please try hard lovely Tess to keep strong within yourself..you may not know it but you are so very important and needed by a lot of people...as well as loved..draw your strength from your beautiful memories only and not listen to your depression...You are not your depression..you are a beautiful, caring, loving, compassionate person....Pleasevtry hard to remember that...

Sending you much love and big hugs..💖🤗.

Grandy...xxxxx

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

thank you for replying and your ongoing support.

i am sorry that I haven’t replied sooner, but I felt like I would just be going on with the same miserable stuff.

i am trying to find positives in life and in living where I am now. But I still feel I am not at home and want to go home. But there is no point in hanging onto the past it is gone.

We at least have had a beautiful spring sunny and warm.

I still struggle through the mornings and feel better as the afternoon progresses. I know if I get up and get doing things I feel better , but to do it seems so hard to do.

one of my sisters has been very supportive, she lives in another state, but we talk and she always responds to me and doesn’t seem to get sick of my being depressed and anxious. The other has distanced herself I feel and I am sad about that. But maybe that is what she needs.

tess