Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Jojo,
I'm sorry, I did post a lengthy response but guess it's being monitored.

Currently it's another 4am morning and still awake.
Atm it's not good. Headspace is bad. I do have work in morning so trying to hold onto that..
Sorry,
Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sounds like you have had very little sleep again which, as you know, doesn’t help matters. Is your GP aware of this? I am glad you have found this GP who obviously is listening to you and taking you seriously. Will you be seeing her again? It would be good for you as she seems supportive and on your side.

Have you had any word from the CAT team yet? You say you are feeling quite isolated - do you have any close friends or family you could chat to or ring up?

Also try and get someone to go along with you to the next CAT appt. I have always found that helps at times when I was unwell or feeling really anxious.

I still think you are amazing being able to juggle work, study and mental health issues. That’s much more than I could ever do. So keep on keeping on and I hope you get some support soon xox

With kind thoughts

Jojo

[Saree_p]

I'm sorry Jojo.

They rang whilst I was at work, returned the phone call ASAP, message taken, heard nothing back.

I am so sorry.

GP probably doesn't realise the full extent of lack of sleep, she has an inclking of the stress of PTSD stuff and hence what she felt was the need for medication.

I am sorry Jojo, I don't think I can do this anymore. Today's events have not really mattered or impacted. I just don't think I can anymore.

I am sorry. I went from a glimmer of hope, to complete collapse. Who was I kidding?

Thank you for all you have done, you are a wonderful person.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Are you off work now for the weekend? You probably need to try and concentrate on sleeping. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to try and rest. Regain your strength and take one day at a time.

You can do this Saree I know how resilient you are. The CAT team is just a set back, but your appointment will come through. You know yourself how crazy work can be on a Friday afternoon? They will get back to you.

Meantime can you find ways to distract yourself or study? xox

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

I am supposed to work all weekend. But I can't.

Ironically the CAT team are neither here nor there today - as in it doesn't particularily matter - I do understand the business lol.

I had a major episode today, whilst at work as well. I guess I should've known it was going to hit. But I am done. I can't keep hiding it, and I can't be honest about it without major consequences. I also just don't wanna sit here and listen to them anymore. I don't want to feel it. I don't want to feel so scared and panicky.

I am sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am sorry to hear you had such a rough time today. So are you taking sick leave this weekend? Sounds like you need a break? What normally calms you down and stops the panicky feeling?

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

Nothing really does at this point.

Hope Lilly is ok - Lilly, if you read this, I am sorry, you are strong. You can do this!+

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Try cuddling your lovely cat - the sound of purring is very soothing. Or try listening to your favourite music? Especially lyrics that you can really relate to xox

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Jojo you are amazing.

Thank you, I am. I just simply can't stop crying and all the stuff.
I think I am now 8 hours in. But I've lost track.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am so ashamed.
I am trying to argue, but I think I can't anymore.

I do wish everyone the best.

Lilly hold on in there, you are strong. And Jojo is amazing and right beside you

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Tears are healing so don’t be afraid to let them out. There is nothing to be ashamed of you are only human. Crying can often make you feel sleepy afterwards so that might help you rest.

Trust yourself Saree and take care xox

Jojo