Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

Last person I trust is me, funny world.

I really am sorry. I just can't listen to him anymore. Sorry

[Lilly99]

Hi saree ,

You can do this saree. You can keep fighting like me.

I believe in you . Think what you would say if someone was in your position . You wouldn’t say give up. Now use that information to help yourself .

You have the strength to keep going .

You are only a few days away from getting the help you need. Don’t give up now you will never know what could have been.

Thinking of you

lilly

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree. We're concerned that some of the language you have used in your last few posts indicates you may have a plan for suicide. We've have asked our Support Service to get in touch via email, but please do let us know if you're safe. We encourage you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14, or attend the emergency room of your nearest hospital. 

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Everyone is really worried about you. Are you safe? Please hold on you are so worth it. Don’t give up now when you are so close to getting help xox

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Sorry,

Honestly not doing great.

Not sure how or why I got through the night. Don't remember half of it either.

Got a call from the CAT Team and spoke to them. Basically, I am a complete waste of their time.

Thanks Lilly, and I am sorry. Really am.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

My heart goes out to you and I am so glad you made it through the night. What exactly did the CAT team say and are they going to see you to ? adjust your meds?

Please ring BB or Lifeline if you feel you are unable to cope. Is there anything I can do to help you?

I am always here for you Saree and willing to listen. As always take care of yourself and stay safe xox

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

More got a text which was passive aggressive.

I'd missed the calls (was at work), but I returned and left messages, the text said:

Your G.P. has referred you to CAT Team recently. Two attempts have been made to make contact with you, unsucessfully. Please call back on, to discuss the referral.

I know they have a 48-hour window. I had rung back, but they didn't call back. So I did call again, and basically, they had no clue what was going on. I was off the phone in 5 mins. An appointment booked for Wednesday - don't know what for. I got accused of optionally not taking my meds straight after I left the hospital - I ended up not taking them because I became suicidal and had no one to turn to to alter or deal with them.

Jojo, it just simply came across in tone, inability to return calls, document and label me as noncompliant.

I feel like this is all my fault. I to be a burden to anyone. And I don't want to keep dealing with stuff.

[Saree_p]

sorry Jojo,

I did type a response. Not sure what I did wrong this time, but it's awaiting moderation. I don't have the energy to remember what I typed.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

This is not your fault and you are not a burden. The CAT team don’t sound very understanding or compassionate. I am glad you have an appointment for Wednesday so that, if nothing else, your meds can at least be reviewed.

Your GP did tell you that you do need some medication otherwise you will only continue to deteriorate. I know you don’t like that idea, but please try and give it a go.

So how do you think you will manage meantime? Can you go for a walk/run each day? Can you find ways to distract yourself? Anything that takes your mind off things.

I wish you well and am only a post away xox

Jojo

[Saree_p]

I'm sorry Jojo,

I am sure they are helpful and wonderful for most people. Not sure what I did.

I had been doing all those things, but atm I just keep panicking.

I'm also at the point I really wanna sleep forever but can't.
Sorry