Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I hope the pysch session goes well. Sorry you were feeling blah yesterday... outdoor yoga sounds nice they do that in the park here too, I don't like yoga but outdoors it looks much more pleasant.

I hope you can find some nice soothing things to do over your Uni break.

I googled Brene Brown but I have workmen here so I haven't been able to find out much yet.

hugs.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hiya

Why is it my ex always seems to appear when I'm feeling blah? Thanks, life. Impressed I managed to just look at the ground as he passed by yesterday though. My psych challenged me last visit to "do something different", so I told her about that today, and how it felt good later. Easy to fall into habits, especially when we're not doing the best, so just something tiny can create a shift 🙂

Hanna - Brene Brown is a social worker. She's also written books, done TED talks, and has her podcast. Her book "The Gifts of Imperfection" has been on my to buy list for awhile. Google her TED talks when you have time, and see if any are of interest.

So, I saw over on your thread (can never decide whether to talk here or there) that you're getting solar and aircon!!! Woweee!!! From a social justice perspective, this should be rolled out everywhere, for all public housing - well, solar at least, and aircon where needed. So, I'm uber happy for you! That's amazing! Hopefully, it all happens quickly for you. They've just started clearing the land here for the tiny houses I was telling you about. I'm looking forward to seeing them.

Well, loving my book, walked with my friend, saw my psych... so good day here today. Hope it was in your world's too.

Katy xo

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Wow what timing I think you were just on before me... we've had a major power outage here and it's only just come back on after a few hours... we hit 38 again today, phew. Then a major storm cooled it down and put out the power here and several towns nearby..

I did Google that woman but haven't listened to her talks.. I must see if our library has her book...

Good that you just looked away when your ex passed by... well done you. Glad to hear you've had a better day. Yep we have solar panels, I got the letter telling me about it tonight in the post, after they had gone of course... and it says the aircon may be put in anytime between end November and end February (the end of summer!!!! Nooooo). So who knows! I hope, hope we will have proper aircon in the lounge - its heating too... little Sam was quite distressed today with the heat..

My book When Life is not Peachy has an idea when you are at wit's end to do a "Me"graph - draw yourself as a circle and then write inside other circles what things you need to reach (ie. goals) and what things you have to do to get there.. and what your feelings and emotions are... She says she did this when she was in a terrible place in her life and it really helps to look at it as a diagram.. I'm going to try it I like the idea.

I am off to cook some dinner as we have power back on, yay! hugs

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hanna

How like Housing to communicate so well! I shall cross my fingers that you're top of the list for aircon x

Reminds me of how Housing here refuse to cut down the giant tree that looms over my unit, and have a tendency to clean the gutters after winter is done and water has seeped in through the cracks in the poorly built structure.

Your book sounds interesting. My psych reiterated the importance of putting things down on paper. I was telling her about my idea of building a self-esteem platform (things people say about you that are nice, or that you think about yourself), and she said to write them down and put them in a jar, and read them on days/times when you aren't feeling good about yourself. I like that idea. Maybe you can pop your diagram somewhere you can refer to it.

What are your plans for the day? I'm going to walk Stormy early (only 8:30 here now), and then try muster some enthusiasm for tidying up. My place is rather upside down, as happens when my mental health is in decline. Sunny and cool here...

Katy 🙂

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Just popped by BB for a few minutes, saw your post. I tidied up the lounge room this morning and dusted and vacuumed - just in case aircon people come by sometime... and this morning is much cooler, so I had some energy.

Just walked little Sam by the river, he had a grin from ear to ear!

I'm off to have some lunch, have a friend phoning for a chat later, and I plan to get to the library to pick up a couple of books I have on reserve, and/or finally buy some Christmas cards and start writing them!!!! I may not get both these things done.. Sam and I tired out, might have a kip down after lunch for a while... sign of age for both of us probably!!!

Enjoy your afternoon... oxox

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

Gosh I had a good day yesterday! My uni friend from nearby town messaged and said she was coming to town, so we met for lunch and sat in what turned out to be gorgeous sunshine (I'm very burnt now though!). Then I decided to make Storm a Christmas outfit, so I bought supplies from the craft store and spent two hours last night making a star to go on her head. Today I'm making a coat that looks like a Christmas tree. Oh, it was fun to do something different and creative 🙂

It sounds like you had a pretty good day yesterday too. How lovely to think of Sam smiling, playing at the river. Did you manage to get your Christmas cards written out?

Sending happy vibes from the west today xo

(and a big warm hi to anyone else peeking in here)

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I'm sorry I haven't been around today. So glad you had a nice outing with your friend from Uni! I love the sound of the Christmas outfit for Stormy!!! I should make something for little Sam shouldn't I... little reindeer horns would be easiest.. maybe I'll get some at the Reject Shop!!! Not that we're doing anything for Christmas...

Do you spend Christmas with anyone? Your son/brother/friend? I think it'll just be Sam and me again this year... sigh, that's two years running now!

I had a guitar lesson, had to dash to a pathology lab for a blood test, and do food shopping and walk Sam.. and he was sick last night so not much sleep.

I think you live in the part of WA that gets the cold winds from Antarctica, your temperatures there are very low... I think we'd be better of there than here!!! - do your summers get very hot like the big city there? I visited that city once when I was 18, it was very sleepy then and we were in the south and caught a ferry across to the main city. The trains all had little oscilating fans at the ends of the cars to cool down the passengers. No aircon back then! My brother worked at the university there for a while. We went to watch the Spanish white horses do dressage, I forget where that was, I wonder if they are still there? I think you're in Tim Winton country. I remember how lovely the colour of the Indian Ocean was.. so different from the dark blue of the Pacific Ocean.

I hope you had a good day today. I'd love a pic of Stormy in Xmas gear for BB! oxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

arrrggh my message got eaten again!

I didn't end up finishing Stormy's outfit as the weather was too nice here again today. I walked with my other friend, gardened and finished my book instead. I'll definitely pop up a pic up once it's finished. I'd love to see Sam in his antlers if you decide on them too. I spent last year alone as well at Christmas, but I'm hoping my son might visit this year. At least we have BB - we can share a virtual pav! Do you have any fave Christmas foods?

Tim Winton is north of Perth I'm pretty sure. I'm south. It can get quite a bit hotter in Perth than here. We usually sit on 30 average here in summer, which I think is lovely. We have a rare day of 40 and the beach will be jam packed! The friend I walk with doesn't like the heat - she complained today about walking (so did Storm) and it was only low 20's, so I probably won't see much of her over the next few months. And yes, the water here is lovely, isn't it? Sometimes I think I'll go to the beach "just for a look"... and next minute Storm and I are in the water having a splash - can't resist! The horsey place I think closed down in the 80's. I think the complex is still there, but they don't have shows any more. Thanks for sharing your memories - I enjoyed that 🙂

Sorry to hear Sam is unwell again. Is it the same thing as before?

Katy

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy

So nice you had a fun day with ur friend.
The self-esteem platform sounds great. A book would also be fun, a self-esteem notebook, or box.
In hospital we made "hope boxes" which is also fun. I love the idea of having a space to store positive things, like "a home for them"

I struggle with self-esteem too and think it's nice to read some of the more supportive, modern things ppl do to feel well.
Have not yet listened to Brene's podcast. I remember on the Tedtalk very distinctly her comment about the banana-nut muffin people reach for when they feel down - then she said "You see, I get you guys."

I felt seen lol!

Another amazing TED talk/social researcher similar to Brene is Kristen Neff. She talks about putting your hand on ur heart and holding ur moment in self-compassion. I hope ur plants are going well and so is Stormi and ur cat. 🙂

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Sleepy - I remember the banana nut muffin comment too! ha! She's very down-to-earth hey?

I'd love to hear more about the hope boxes if you feel like sharing? I'm always looking for new ideas of ways to get better. I mentioned the self-esteem platform to my psych, and she thought it sounded good. She did say it would be important to not judge the good things other people say about us, just to add them to the platform. I think that's helpful, as it can be really easy to pick apart other people's compliments, and then we're in no better position lol. I like the idea of a box too, it seems a bit more special than a jar - thanks.

Things are pretty ok here in my little world at the moment. I hope they are in your corner too. I know there was some prospect of a new job, but I don't want to put pressure on by asking about it. So I'll wish you well, and feel free to share anything you want to here.

Do you have Christmas plans? I'm debating whether to put my tree up today...

Katy xo