Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

You're all finished with assignments for a while, yay for you! I hope you got to yoga this morning. What do you think about Humanities students having to pay so much for their degrees? I think it's terrible. Will Social Work be affected? At least you'll be finished. We don't seem to value education for the sake of education here and we need people trained in critical thinking, logic, history, linguistics, philosophy... No way I could have passed a science degree I am rubbish at maths!

I'm not sentimental about books but I have all my Thea Astley's that are out of print except for Drylands, and I do love Thea Astley! My Kent Harufs, my Wallace Stegner books which are hard to find in Australia, books I reference as well, my Robert Dessaix collection - I can't bear to part with them as I can reread them and still love them! So culling is tough! I agree I can't bear books being thrown out in the rubbish - I give them to OpShops or second hand bookstores or even leave them in random places to be picked up by strangers! There were several street libraries in Coastal Town, so you could leave them there for other people to read which was great - I can't find any here unfortunately. They are a great idea.

I'll have to Google some Robert Frost poems! I'm glad someone else enjoys poetry, I love it! OpShops are great for books as they're so cheap it doesn't matter if you don't like them.

I'm glad you can have a break from study now and enjoy yourself for a while and relax. I think depression hits once you've finished having to study, a bit like you get sick when you take a holiday from work - you keep going while you have to, and as soon as you can relax, you get a cold/get depressed/whatever. Hope you managed to have a pleasant day today - and yay for Rosehaven returning! Hugs xoxo

[Guest_1643]

Congratulations Katy!! Well done on finishing your degree, i'm so glad to hear you are done and can rest a little. 🙂

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Ah yes, street libraries are a great idea. Our town library has one out the front, and there's also one at the uni. I would have liked to pop one out the front of my place, but with the Salvos next door I'd rather they get a few dollars to help people with by having people buy cheap books.

I do suppose you're right about the depression. I woke up miserable and almost skipped yoga, but I remembered how much I like it once I'm there in the moment, so I went. That set me up for a nice day with a trip to the nursery where I bought a lovely rabbit statue for my garden, and then a super leisurely walk with my friend and Storm in the sunshine.

How was your day? I think you said it was cold and might snow. I wonder if that would keep Sam out of the water. It seems he doesn't mind a cold swim!

Yes, not sure if social work will be affected by the changes. Apparently it doesn't apply to psychology, but maybe they don't come under humanities. When they talk about 'job ready' you would think social work would fit the bill. People are increasingly needing help with the way the world's going (and the way the Libs are running things) not less! At any rate it won't affect me, as fees are grandfathered, but it's still abhorrent.

Well, wonder what I should have for dinner? It's getting chilly already. Wish I'd popped the slow cooker on with something hearty and delicious! Never mind.

Hugs, Katy and an orangeish-red tinted Storm, who knocked my fresh squeezed carrot and beet juice over her white self (!!!!) xo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hey Sleepy

We must have cross posted 🙂 Thankyou so much! I still have the prac component to go, but the rest is ticked off and I have a 2 week break to chilllllllll 🙂 Gosh I need it!

Hope things are well with you. Always love seeing your posts about the forums x

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy!

Oh dear poor orange coloured Storm - I hope it washed out and you didn't have to bleach her or anything!

I was hoping it would snow here today, it felt like it, looked like it, but alas no snow! First day it's been super cold and I needed to wear three layers plus thick puffy coat but the air is lovely and fresh when you're out walking. Tried to watch Q&A tonight but couldn't get into it. Am watching Covid19 events in Melbourne a bit worriedly - I blog with someone there and she is very cross after isolating for months that they are back in lockdown, she said people have become complacent and aren't physically distancing. It's a bit like that here too.

So how are you managing Katy dear lady? You went through a dreadful upset and then had to deal with a huge pile up of assignments. I wouldn't be surprised if you were exhausted and feeling depressed after all the energy it must have taken to get through all those things, one on top of the other. I think you are amazing to have managed to do so well in your Uni marks. High five you! (hand sign here plus big smiley face)

Have you heard from your ex, or has he respected your privacy? It's OK if it's private and you'd rather not say... but I do wonder how you're managing with it all, especially now you're on Uni break and have time to think - maybe essays and assignments were good in a weird way because you had to shove everything else that was on your mind aside for a bit to get them done, and now I wonder if it's come crashing back to you a bit, or are you doing fine (which would be great if you are but utterly understandable if you're not!)

Are you spending time at the beach? The nursery buying plants? I am enjoying being able to browse in the library a bit now, at least it's somewhere to go even if we can't sit down - and I had a hot chocolate (with marshmallows of course!) sitting in a bit of sun with Mr Sam this afternoon in the park. What an exciting life I do lead...!!! - but still it was pleasant.

So what's on for you next term? And any plans for what you will do next year re study or work?

I am sorry we don't hear from CS, I wonder if she is all right with her health worries, and she has disappeared from BB.

Anyway, I would like to know how you are, and what you and lovely Storm are up to, and if you are managing OK dear lady? Sending hugs (it's rather chilly tonight but Sam is warm and fluffy so fluffy warm furry ones from him) xoxoxo

[Hanna3]

Katy, a rabbit statue sounds nice, is it a little bunny or sitting up or what? Will be nice with your many pot plants! (whatever happened to your smelly flower???)

Are you reading anything at the moment, or just glad not to have to read after all the assignments? I'm still on Fleishman is in Trouble - a bit of escapism I think is good sometimes!

Rosehaven is back about 9th July or thereabouts I think. Yay!

Anyway I hope you are OK... and I thought another couple of furry hugs from Mr Sam might be nice to send your way xoxoxo

Please let us know how you are....

& Waves to Sleepy, Junior, Paws, anyone here!

Sam and I are off to bed... Zzzzz sleep well dear people...

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Hanna

Furry hugs from Sam are always most welcome 🙂

Today I've spent 4 hours in a zoom workshop about uni prac. There's so much to get my head around and get organised. I'm not starting prac until the 20th July now, as my supervisor is taking leave. So that gives me more of a break, which is welcome.

I'm very excited that my old yoga instructor is starting up free Saturday classes again. I like my current one and it's only $5, but you know how it is when you're on a budget (plus I like the other lady's yoga style better). So I'll do Saturdays and Wednesdays, which should be good for my physical and mental health.

I'm looking forward to getting my uni results back. This semester was really hard, but I feel like I managed it ok in the end, and I appreciate your words in that regard. And yes, it's good to have had a distraction, so I must remember to keep busy. I discussed this with my psych at our last appointment. I'm not sure what with. Sometimes the days feel really long when you don't have 'something', but you're probably familiar with that, are you? By the way, my psych was talking about us having a go at EMDR therapy. I've not heard of it, but had a bit of a google. Do you know anything about it?

Well, poor miss Stormy had to go have a rotten tooth out yesterday. I picked her up rather bloody, which was unimpressive. You'd think they'd give her a wipe over. Poor little messy vegemite. So we're taking it easy today. Not sure if she's supposed to rest up but it's blowing a gale and won't hurt for her to spend a day lazing about. Gosh I missed her yesterday. Funny how the place seems so quiet when she doesn't talk anyway! lol

So you've had freezing weather? Us too. I ran the heater for about 5 hours yesterday. I don't usually but after an op, dogs can't moderate their temp so I wanted to keep it nice for Storm. I'm always scared of running up the bills. A layered up walk and hot chocolate sounds lovely. Have you found some new spots to wander? Met anyone interesting? Sam met any other nice young ladies to romp about with? I do so love dogs playing together, it's honestly one of my most favourite things!

I bought some besser blocks and a plank of wood the other day to make a new plant shelf. I just have to wait for some nice weather to get the wood painted for the outdoors, then I'll put some pots up out the way and have mr rabbit sitting pretty on it. He's pale grey and quite large so should look good, I think.

Out of words - doh! Hugs, Katy

[iitzMickle]

Hey, Whenever I have unwanted feelings or thoughts I take a few really deep breaths and then I take 15+ seconds to notice everything I can see, then 15 seconds to notice everything I can hear then same again for everything I can feel. Then I spend a minute or so observing and taking it all in at once and it brings me back into the present moment. I also listen to a podcast called the mindset mentor hosted by Rob Dial. I find one that I feel is relevant to my situation and listen to it and put it into action and get working on myself. I feel like these few things have helped me manage to pull myself out of a massively dark space. If none of that works as horrible as it sounds a cold shower will help you to reset everything you’re feeling because when you’re standing there freezing your butt off it’s hard to be feeling anything other than noticing the sensation of how cold it is lol. I hope you start to feel better soon. Stay strong ❤️

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Poor Storm I hope she is feeling much better soon! I'm worried about Sam's teeth they need cleaning under anaesthetic - but our beloved Labrador died under a minor anaesthetic years ago so it scares me, plus the cost - at least three hundred $$$.

It's absolutely freezing here, horrible day, ugh! Yesterday was Ok but today is beyond a joke - when I last checked it was about 2 degrees, grey, drizzling off and on with a cold wind - Sam and I gave up and put the electric blanket on and spent much of the afternoon in bed and wrote the day off! I am reading She I Dare Not Name by Donna Ward, about life as a single woman, so I will see what I think of it - so far she is obviously well off and well travelled, which would make it a lot easier.. hmm.

The yoga sounds just the thing, especially while you're on break and don't have assignments to worry about! Yes I do find time is a bit aimless some days - it was Ok when I had book group/writing group/church/a friend to meet up with for a cuppa, but under Covid19 it's become a bit dreary - I'm fine if I can get outside, a long walk with Sam, a trip to the library and a cuppa in the sun is all good - but yes I do lack 'direction" and haven't found a way to fill that void... I don't really want to go back to essays/assignments at this stage I must confess. All that stress!

We only met up with one big dog yesterday with two very "arty" women who let me know very fast that they're connected with the Art Gallery here (it's a country town thing, anyone snobbish belongs to the art gallery and wears dramatic scarves to show how "arty" they are) (chuckle). The poor dog was in long johns - they zipped up the back but went full length down all legs with a slit in the appropriate places so it could do it's business - apparently they're from a trendy dog clothing designer in the city and the dog models their clothing - I guess it keeps the poor thing warm but it looked awful - I don't like dogs in clothes! A jacket for warmth yes but clothes, yuk!

EMDR therapy, I shouldn't say I suppose it probably helps some people, but long ago a psych tried it on me and I thought it was a lot of hogwash, sorry! I really don't know how or why it's supposed to work but it did nothing for me - how it's supposed to help with a trauma I really don't understand - I probably should Google it. Good luck with that one, maybe your experience will be different...

It's lovely to hear from you! Hugs to you & Storm xoxo

[OceanWhispers]

Hi Katy,

Just wanted to drop in and say Hi. I'm so glad you are still active in here and have quite a few ppl to chat to.

Take care xx