Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws and all

The weather here is amazing again today! Sunny and warm enough just to wear a t-shirt. I've been in the yard again, raking, weeding, and I've potted up some peas I bought and made them a climbing frame. Gosh it feels like anything is possible on days like today. Wish I could hang on to this feeling ❤️

I'm so happy to hear you're feeling motivated too, Paws. And it sounds like you've done some of the harder work. Good on you! I hope it carried through until today 🙂

I'm reading a book for fun. I'm not ready to start uni stuff again just yet. The weather looks nice again for tomorrow and then we're in for a whole lot of rain, so I'll enjoy it while I can! I really feel like taking Storm out on the board this arvo, will see how much energy I have left, otherwise might read in the sunshine. Life's great today!

Sending lots of motivated and happy vibes over your way xo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy, wave to all,

It sounds warm over your way... after lots of rain this morning we had a lovely sunny arvo... a balmy 9 deg... Woofa spent it on his bed in front of the window in my room which gets full sun... I've had the back door open...

I really hope you got out on your board... getting out would be so good for your mh... plus it's fun... & importantly Stormy get beach time... make the most of the nice days

Home grown peas.... yummm.... the hard part is when you shell them not to simply eat them all as you go...

I have been motivated to do more - yay!!! Lots of dirty dishes are now washed dried & put away.... my bench tops now only have what they should have on them.... they have been scrubbed clean as have the hot plates... my body has not been happy with me... especially after the ladder my hips protested & my lower back went out in sympathy... I've struggled to stand & have been bent over like an old crone... but I'm doing as the doctors said & trying to keep moving...

I'm typing this on my old lap top as my newer one has been playing up... amongst other things it won't do back-ups so I'm trying to copy documents etc onto memory sticks.... I started at 10pm to copy a small 5gb folder... I've been up since then nursing it along & here I am at 5pm the next day & it is still only at 88% copied... at this rate I'm dreading trying to copy my photo's.... I am looking forward to bed...

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws, and anyone else reading along 🙂

So excited about my peas - I have absolutely every intention of eating them straight out of the garden! If they're successful I might plant more veggies and get rid of some of my succulents.

I was really happy for you, reading that you've managed some more in the kitchen. You must be feeling good about it, even if your body isn't stoked. How's the file management going on the laptop? Admittedly one of my most unfavourite jobs. I have 3 old laptops that I really need to get the files off, so I can get rid of them.

I didn't get out on the water yesterday, but kept busy. I've walked Storm this morning and plan on doing some chores. The weather feels like Spring, so I'm in spring cleaning mode. A sunny gorgeous 15 here.

Ear scratches for Woofa - how is the big guy going?

Hugs, Katy x

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws Hi Katy,

Well done Paws your kitchen sounds amazing! Mine is awful at the moment but it's so cold inside the house I can't bear to stay inside fixing it up... it's icy. Sounds like you are going gangbusters, that's terrific you must feel so pleased! Does it feel good to see it like that? I think it must!

Katy, what a good idea to plant some more veggies instead of the succulents, so you have fresh food for yourself. I think that's a great idea.

I've said on my thread my brother has paid up most of the money, seems an animal in pain finally did it for him... seeing another vet next week. If he says it's the best thing then I'll book little Sam in ASAP.

Katy, I listened to the music from Into the Wild, it was good thanks for that tip!

Sending best wishes to all oxoxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I'm posting about the place as I can feel a slide in my mood coming on. I always end up on here now, perhaps hoping I'll find something to stop it in its tracks...

I'm super super happy though to hear that your brother has coughed up for little Sam. That must be such a relief. And I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the music.

Keep warm x

[Hanna3]

Don't let it slide Katy! Can you use distraction? When I start to feel blah I am trying to do things like watching old Seinfeld episodes that make me laugh, or go out and have a coffee/hot chocolate outside where other people are.. I find just doing something nice helps my mood. I think you've hit on some good things recently - an outing with your Uni friend, growing peas... are you a bit flat after having a nice day out with your friend etc? Remember the positive things you've been doing and those things will happen again... just sometimes things go back to "normal and unexciting and alone"for a little while in between those nice things.

Try to treat yourself to something nice/that will make you happy even for a little while! oxoxoxo

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy,

I like reading about ur excitement about nature and ur progress with gardening and quality time with ur uni mate. I admire how you can bask in the good things and take them in. It's a beautiful gift and very beautiful to read.

Ur really warm and genuine, at all times, honest in ur ups and downs. Thanks for sharing and i hope u feel better soon

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Here is a big supportive hug....

It's horrible that feeling when we have been doing ok & sense ourselves slipping... I wish I had an answer... perhaps a large pink lamington might be a good starting point... eating it sitting in the sun looking over a nice view... before getting the skates out & just enjoying the moment as you zoom around... give Stormy a detailed physical... running your fingers over every inch of her... feeling every muscle, joint... check her fur, her skin, her teeth, her ears, her paws & nails... listen to her breathing... her heart beat... maybe explore other food plants that you might think of growing... what is out there... what do they need etc... I have done this with hunting the plants, making garden designs for the day when I will be able to get outside & actually start doing stuff.

Lass be gentle with yourself... remember it's ok not to be ok... & it does pass...

Another gentle bear hug

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Poor Stormy had to go the vet yesterday. Her ear blew up like a blowfish and she screamed when I touched it. The vet charged me most of what I had left for the fortnight to tell me to come back in a week so he can drain it as she has a haematoma. Now none of us can afford to eat, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to pay for the second visit. I just feel defeated. Maybe the slide in my mood was past experience telling me that something sh*t was going to happen, because when things feel ok, that's usually what happens...

Thank you all for your kindness. I needed it. Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

You know they say when something bad happens it will always happen at the worst possible time... You are having a bad run! OK lets think what you can do...

Is Stormy at home and how is she? Will the vet let you pay off the account in regular installments? Sometimes they will let you organize a payment plan (although my vet here won't permit that...) but worth asking?

Any chance of your brother/son being able to help you out, even if you have to pay them back bit by bit?

I assume rent is paid as it's public housing - so any major bills coming up in the next fortnight that you can put off? Plead financial hardship? Most companies will let you delay regular payments I've done it many times.

Charities that will give you free food and vouchers for supermarkets? I think you researched some recently - now might be the time to go ask them for help!

Have you got enough food to get through the weekend? Soup van around at all I hope?

I am sorry this has happened... but it's amazing how we get through. Any friend(s) that might help out (embarrasing to ask I know but desperate times etc).

Think what an understanding social worker you will be when people come to you during tough times - you will know all about it first hand and that will be such an asset. Not much comfort to you at the moment though.

I wish I could come up with an easy solution but the above is all I can think of.. I hope Stormy is OK, sounds like she will be and I can only think if you explain your situation to perhaps the person who runs the admin side of the veterinary practice and ask for assistance? If they can be patient and let you pay it later on and just put a bit down now?

Let us know how you go. Hugs from us here! oxoxooooo