Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Just popped by to see how you are. I hope Stormy is doing OK. What EM said is right, the vet usually lets you set up a payment plan, a friend of mine here has been on one for years... that's how she affords the vet bills.. pays this off a bit monthly.

Sending hugs your way oxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Thought I felt a bit off today. Took the dog for a walk and just started crying. I was thinking about seeing my ex the other night, and his avoiding any sort of interaction with me. Which is fine, but also made me think about how I'm really alone. I'm doing all this hard stuff (hard for me) at the moment, and I don't have anyone. Even my brother, who I can't talk to about stuff, but is still good to hang out with, has left town.

I managed some tricky stuff this week - so, gold stars for me. But, I also didn't manage some stuff, and it didn't feel good. And I'd love to have somebody to talk things through with.

I'm going to skip class today and eat my feelings instead...

bah humbug

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone... I know chatting on here is limited & not the same as talking in person with someone... please lass be gentle with yourself... try & focus on the things you have managed to do... (easier said than done I know)... don't forget the helplines are there if you need to hear a voice.

Does the Uni have a social worker/counsellor/chaplain for students you could get support from?

That is good news to hear Stormy is on the mend... she will be happy when she can go to the beach with you again... Did the vet say what caused her allergic reaction?... coming hard on the heals of the drops being administered I was wondering if they might have been the cause.

Good guess... yes Woofa was happy I went to the butcher... as it was simply to get his bones (one for the freezer to save trips)

It's hot here (what you would call nice) today so Woofa & I have been in front of the fan... but I think the cooling will be going on before long...

I'll keep popping in to check on you

Big squishy hugs... Woofa sends slobbery kisses

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws

I was supposed to have extra support this year, but the woman who had put things in place left, and the new man isn't quite the same to deal with. I've also come down with a cold, so I imagine that hasn't helped - the whole physical/mental health connection. I'm super tired, so early night for me.

Thanks for your message. I hope you're travelling ok. I'm very jealous of your heat. It's cold here and I've had a jacket on. Looking forward to snuggling up in bed.

PS: yes, I was wondering if the drops caused the reaction too, but the vet seemed to think it was a bite.

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Sorry I haven't been here much. How are you going today? How's Stormy? We had a weather change last night and it's very, very cold here now and overcast/foggy/dreary. Looks like autumn/winter will hit with a big of a bang this year. Having said that, little Sam gets bathed and clipped in the big town tomorrow, and every time he gets his fur clipped short it turns freezing, poor little guy has to shiver...

Sorry the staff changed at your course. How's Uni going so far? Still lots of reading I'm sure.

Trying to practice relaxation techniques - my muslces are tensing up against the pain and that makes it all much worse. Nobody much to chat to today, but I went clothes shopping and actually found a few nice things - all put on laybuy of course because I have to pay them off... it's a pain when you want to take them home and try them on with things... I needed some decent stuff to wear to music lessons etc - last year we had the lock down and nobody went indoors for anything... this year I actually need some reasonably nice clothes for music lessons/cafes etc.

Anyway sending warm thoughts and wishes from us here oxoxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I'm sick blergh. I've booked a video appointment with a gp this morning. I was in bed all day yesterday with really bad head and muscular aches. Not ideal when I have thesis writing to do, and my second week of prac.

Weather here is pleasant, mid to high 20's. As usual, yours is more extreme lol. Does Sam mind going for a clip? Is it something he enjoys? Stormy is going well. She spent the entire day in bed yesterday with me and didn't make a fuss at all. I think they know...

I'm glad you found some nice clothes, and yes, money is always an issue. I'd like some new clothes for prac but can't afford them. The women there are all quite trendy. I'll have to be satisfied with being presentable.

I wonder if you'll be catching up with the lady you went to the lunch with, again?

I'm hoping the gp doesn't send me to a clinic for a covid test today. I'm so sore and grumpy, I really don't want to do anything.

No hugs today - I'm germy ! Katy

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Oh you poor possum... it's ok to be grumpy when you feel blergh...

Given how you have been feeling down recently it's not really a surprise that you have now come down with the lurgy... the two often go together... really hoping for you it's just a 48hr type thing rather than a full on cold/flu...

Staying in bed with nurse Stormy at you side sounds very sensible... it is wonderful how they know when we are not well...

I hope the gp doesn't send you for a covid test... you haven't been to any possible hot spots... so fingers crossed.

Rest up lass

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Sorry to hear you've been feeling unwell, was the GP able to help you at all? Not the best timing with all your Uni work I agree - do you think stress has played any part in it - although stress always does make us feel worse of course!!! Anyway I hope you are feeling improved soon.

A long day for us, long drive and quite a hot day in the other big town which is so often very cold... Sam hates having a bath and clip at the groomer, poor guy trembles with fright, but he feels better afterwards (and is now fast asleep). I did the rounds of the clothes shops (the cheaper ones!) just trying to find something to wear in the autumn/winter ahead - last year I didn't need anything as we had the long lock down so nothing was open - now I go out quite a bit so I need a couple of presentable items... it's not easy to find on my tight budget!

Were there any marches about women's issues in your town today? I don't know if they had them here but in the big city they sure did.

I will see the Iraqi lady again but will probably wait until music lessons are on a two week break, I have to much to do until then...

I won't send hugs as you're ill! But I do send best wishes that you feel better soon and that you get the uni stuff out of the way easily! All the very best!!!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws, Hanna, all

I got a medical note from the gp for this week. It's not ideal but I feel unwell and I also don't want to pass it on to everyone, so it is what it is. I also would have liked to go to the local women's march yesterday, but again, I wasn't up to it. There was a good turn out here though, judging by the pictures I saw online.

Paws, I love the sound of your new gardening book. I imagine you have quite a few ideas floating about in your head now. Planning is half the fun 🙂

Hanna, you sound like you're really busy and have some nice things going on in your life there now, which I'm pleased about. I wonder if you're still finding time for some reading? I'm surrounded by text books and journal articles for my thesis, and I'm about to start reading up on design tools for community development, for my placement. I am missing my leisure reading though. Just don't have time at the moment.

Still no hugs 😞 Sending nice thoughts though to you both. Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi there Katy,

I'm late on to BB these days, it seems to have been so busy! How are you feeling now? I'm still recovering from Mr Morrison's speech about the women protesting, that oh well in other countries they'd be shot - is this really all he can say? Grrrr!

I don't read as much as I did, due partly to the vision problem and partly just due to the fact that music takes up the spare time... I read a bit at night in bed - at the moment a wonderful book called Ageless Soul by Thomas Moore - it's about getting older, but is such a positive and thoughtful book that it's being read by all the music people here! I am savouring it!

You sound busy with your reading. I hope you still get out to the beach with Stormy - how is her eye? Can she go in the water again yet?

How's the anxiety issue going with Uni? Are you managing OK? I had a bit of an attack this morning, I think a combination of the back pain, eye problem, money issues (as always), and over-tired. I had to stop and sit outdoors and take some deep calming breaths - for a little while I didnt know what was wrong with me - it came out of the blue.

Music lesson was lovely. Now off to have some dinner on this damp chilly night. Hugs! Hope you feel much better physically and psychologically very soon! oxoxoxoxo