Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I got delayed this afternoon with a late appointment then running errands, then a dash to the library where my favourite librarian was on duty and there were almost no people there and she was bored so we got chatting... then took little Sam for a long walk.. now having dinner and on here! Phew.

You make me feel better about yesterday... I think it was a mixture of tired plus feeling blah. Have you been that way today? I'm glad at leas the hamburger was OK..

Did I get your new plant right when I googled it? Is that it's name, and it's the one with all the beautiful colours?

Do you have any plans for the Uni holiday and/or for Christmas (not a day I look forward too..) My last music lesson is Thursday, then 6 weeks with none, I am going to miss it - I wonder why we have to have such long breaks... I might ask my teacher if there's any chance of getting a couple of lessons in somehow - I don't know if he has a family or goes away or what... It's my once a week dose of company and conversation!!! Plus he's cute...

I'm sorry this is a bit rushed, Sam has burs in his whiskers and I'm trying to get them out, and I've just written a long email to my brother which took a bit of composing...

I will come back tomorrow and see how you're going... what about yoga in the park, when does that start?

Have you always lived in that city Katy? Or did you move there from somewhere else? Have you always lived near the sea? It does sound lovely where you are.

Hoping you're feeling OK - ish... hugs

[Hanna3]

Hi Sleepy (Katy please excuse me responding to Sleepy on your thread..)

I have the same diagnosis as I think you mention elsewhere Sleepy - complex post traumatic stress syndrome - do you have your own thread anywhere?

[Guest_1643]

Hi all - I may start my own thread but don't have one atm! I thnk when I came here I was not even yet aware I had PTSD and am starting now to come to terms with it! PTSD is very hard but i do some somatic body stuff and mindfulness. It really affects my sleep though, with nightmares being regular and night terrors. Thanks for asking and would be iterested to chat a bit about it aroud these parts!!

[Hanna3]

Hi Sleepy (excuse me again Katy)

You're welcome to talk about it on my thread - I don't know if there is a thread about it anywhere. I don't know much about it except multiple traumas affect us more badly than just one trauma... anyway you're welcome on my thread anytime.

Katy I hope you are going OK dear lady. hugs.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Hanna,have you checked out the PTSD section of BB? There are some awesome people there sharing about their CPTSD treatments and approach. There are lots of approaches but sadly many mental health professionals are not properly trained in trauma or trauma-sensitive so with something so delicate i've had to be very proactive in vetting and seeking out proper support. I also enjoy watching videos online and reading books about trauma, with the cornerstone book being The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kaulk. Sorry u have CPTSD as it is a hard one but there is help out there. Sorry to take up space on this thread with this just wanted to reply. Be well ! xx

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Happy anniversary to my thread..

Saw my ex in the shop last night. Funny, I even checked the carpark first, and it was late, and he never shops that late. But next minute he's saying hi and I'm in a daze just wondering what I'm actually going to buy to eat, so I squeak a response and then walk off. Wonder when I'll stop feeling something. Life is complicated.

Paws, thanks for sharing your plant. It's name is quite the mouthful - I don't even think I'll try. I love that even though it's gone that deep shade it still looks to have the green centre.

Hanna, my plant is called echeveria barbillion. It goes pink in the sun, but I quite like it the pale blue - it's much prettier than my picture.

Sleepy, the book you mentioned is on my "want to read" list, not sure where I came across it - did you find it a worthwhile read?

And no problem chatting here, although a unique thread might be good to get discussion with others happening on the topic.

Warm, overcast, melancholic, hogging the hugs you're sending - Katy xo

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy - are u okay after seeing ur ex in the shop?

I moved house and suburb due to such things lol I also became a mumbling mess in the supermarket seeing an ex or others from my past! (Also used to check the parking lot sometimes lol)

Beautiful plant but those colours sound lovely.

My friend who's a social worker gave me the book - I think it's a great place to start, because it has tonnes of case study stories.... I enjoyed the book.

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Sorry you ran into your Ex. That is awkward for you. You don't need a trigger like that to start making you feel yuk again...

I'm stuck at home waiting for the lawn mowing guy to come. As usual he will come hours after the appointed time and it's dreary at home, I can't take Sam for a walk and I'm stuck here - I can't relax because I don't know when they'll turn up. If you ring them the phone just rings out...

My elderly friend in the city just texted me "do you want me to ring you?"- that means that she actually wants to ring me for someone to talk to. She has early dementia, lives with her husband and son - she is 92.. she relies on me for something to talk about, but I don't have anything to talk about - then she phones and I get irritable because she's so needy, and I have so much on my plate at the moment I can't cope. Then i feel horribly guilty for being irritable with her. Oh dear.

It's going to be hot in the afternoon but it was 9 degrees this morning... I'm trying to cull out DVDs and practice gutar, Sam is bored because I haven't been able to walk him because of the lawn mower men coming.

Katy it's only been about a year and you've gone through an awful lot and still managed to get through your uni course amazingly well - I wonder if we expect too much of ourselves - like me feeling guilty for being irritable with my elderly friend - mainly because she puts the onus on me to need her to ring...

Anway hugs

[Hanna3]

Hi Sleepy,

Thanks for that - I'll see if our library has that book. I understand about CPTSD pretty well, I did have a very good therapist help me out with it - but I do still get flashbacks and triggers but that's not going to stop, at least now I understand what they are and know more about how to deal with them. Yes it affects your whole life doesn't it? I don't think I need the thread about it... just wish I never had the traumas in the first place, messed up a lot of my life, rats! Cheers.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Here is a big, gentle, comforting hug.... that squishes all the greyness out & lets in warm sunshine.

I googled your new plant... from the pics I prefer it with all of the leaf being bubbly rather than only partially. The blue is lovely. With the frill on the leaf edge it resembles something that might be found on a coral reef.

Woofa sends loving snuffles.

More hugs

Paws