Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Falling_Angel]

Dear \\\dear SN, wow .....geeez everyone is too worried about the finger being pointed at them that they are not seeing YOU...and YOUR needs .i really wish i could help, i just thought id reply so you know im here , i dont know what to say or think atm its taking me back to when my mother didnt believe something and i got hit for it....for telling her and i dunno ? i dont know now im 46 mum has been gone 21 years this year, my recovery is slow ive had a bad weekend but ill sort it monday ...plz SN take care talk soon just keep posting ill get on eventually (pc problems) too arrrggg............im here ,big -hugs- FA XO

[startingnew]

Hugs FA im just glad your here

I wouldnt know ehat to say to me either

I dont know what im doing really im a bloody lost zombie

[startingnew]

want to sleep and skip this whole week but thats not going to happen i have to go face my gp who wpuld know what happened at the psychiatrist appointment plus the mental health team crisis and prob the family argument over the phone at the psych appointment. I have to see my nurse for no doubt more bad news then my first psychologist appointment which after the last few days i dont even see the point in going considering my own family thinks my MI are imaginary so questioning it myself. Is it really there?
Then gp yet again and then a psychiatrist appointment which im cancelling .im not going back now not after the last session i cant handle it
And my bodys taking a hard hit from going off meds too

[startingnew]

What the heck! !

My psychiatrist has refferred me to a psychotherapist and he rang me and is so arrogant!
They keep ringing my house number even though i said not to.
Then i rang the number back and i was refferred because the psychiatrist who refferred meto this other psych thinks i have a personality disorder. This is the first time ive been told about it i
And now because they rang the house phone my step dad answrred and it turnef into another argument
I cant even be at home now.
I literslly walked in got told that then walked out and said ill be bavk later

[startingnew]

Im suppose to be seeing a psychologist tomorrow through the sa therapy and now been offerred psychotherapy through another service also free for a few sessions but im not seeing him hes so arrogant plus i dont fo well with males

[startingnew]

And this morning it was so muddy at the horse paddock and there was a pole on the ground not realising it was one of the bullies poles i placed the horse food ontop do it wouldn't get full if mud while i did the horses eye and she bloody stormed over and threw it off the pole and in the friggin mud!
Then i thought i had someone to talk to and no i dont all theyve done is yell at me about this crap

[Doolhof]

Hi SN,

I haven't read all of this thread for a while. You do sound like you are doing it really tough right now.

Would you consider going to hospital or into mental health care for a while? It maybe the break that you need. Sounds like you have had enough.

With so many people on your case it must be hard to know which way is up. If you have been diagnosed with some kind of disorder or what ever you should be told about it so you will better understand what you are up against and how to deal with it.

Like I mentioned, I haven't read back far into this post, from what I have read, you need a break. Hospital might be it.

Thinking of you from Mrs. Dools

[monkey_magic]

Starting new I don't know if u remember me, I wrote to you early on. I'm still following your life story so I'm here too. Just know you have ppl at beyond blue who care xxx

[startingnew]

im now at someone elses house and at my own will this time.. ill be here for the next 2 nights.Ive organised with my mother to do the sick horse but ill get the hay tomorrow as well as go to gp and also the psychologist appointment too
she asked me why and since they want me to tell them things I siad I have an appointment in the morning and then one in the afternoon.
She said what are they I said I cant remember the morning one but I know I have one- its my gp appointment but im afraid if I say that they will come with me and I dont want that but they left that.
Then she said whats the other one and I said its the psychologist and oh god- she said I hope its not that stupid bi**h oout at the the other place casue your not going there again. I said no thats a psychiatrist theya re for meds. She said good but sarcastic like yep I know your not going there because im not going to let you type of thingthen my sisters were satrting to harp on but they seemed to tone it down a bit once they realsied I was going and mum was going to be there to take them to school
sometimes I thinks its easier to smack my head against the wall. It responds just as well and makes my body respond the same way so why not
and tomorrow im so nervous about seeing a psychologist- I ahvent been to one since april so 2 months now and this ones for the sexual abse counselling. I dont know what to expect and also I might meantion they think I have a personality disorder too and see what she thinks but im so friggin nervous!

[Doolhof]

Hi SN,

Is there some way you can stay away from your family for say a week? From what you have written it certainly does not sound like a supportive environment for you.

Hopefully you will be able to attend both of your appointments. They may be harrowing and upsetting, hopefully you manage to receive the help you need.

Would you consider some time in hospital to allow your brain and body to rest?

There have been many times when I have pushed myself to a state of exhaustion and almost to the state of being one of the walking dead and ended up in hospital. You know what "life went on without being around". The same will happen if you are not in the scene for a couple of weeks, life at home will keep going. They will find ways to make things work.

Wishing you well with your appointments. Crying and being afraid are normal reactions to the issues we are going through.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools