Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Starts,

It sounds like the news you received from your foot is not very good..I’m so sorry about the news you received...

For now don’t give up on the really good opportunity you have been working towards for the past months..anything can happen between now and then...I hope and pray that your foot might heal before then with some professional treatment....Would talking to the bosses of this good opportunity about how your struggling with a sore foot, maybe they will have some suggestions on how you can still this really good opportunity....

Don’t loose your hope little butterfly...

My kindest thoughts sweetheart with my love and care with a hug.🤗🦋💜🕊..or two 🤗🤗

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Our dear Starts 🦋 hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Oh darlin girl it just keeps going doesn't it 🤗
I too am sorry for your not good news with your foot.
That's a blow for sure.

Darl our beautiful Grandy bought up good thoughts and ideas.

Yes I agree not to give up on the good thing you're working towards there could be some other way around it. You're clued up lovely just keep checking it out.

Sometimes in even only slightly better headspace something might click or give you an opening to review your progress towards your goal.

If it's going to make your life better which it sounds like, it's worth persevering with sweet one 🌱

For as long as you need this warm loving hug only focus on that hun.
It'll give your poor mind a break by feeling the energy transferring. That's with a good hug. It's true. Neat eh.

I had a whopping anxiety attack yesterday. Grandys spot on I reckon it's our bodies way of releasing stress. Clearing out the rubbish and that's what a lot of it is. Stinking junk thoughts bringing you down.

I've found another good way to get through is focusing whole and souly on breathing normally again.
Seems impossible at the time but don't let that stop you.
Avoid acknowledging any thoughts of fear panic etc.

Calmly guide yourself to breathe in longer breathes.

Never forget darlin you're a survivor, there's a reason for that.

There has to be at some stage surely better for you, and that you're working towards that is how you'll achieve

Love care and always friendship.
You're never alone here honey 🤗😚🦋

[startingnew]

Thank you Grandy and DB


sorry it took me abit to come back. I am struggling a lot mentally and cant really think.


Unfortunatly my foot is not in a good way, it might still take another 10 weeks to heal, we are at week 4 and its still not any better. I cant even wear shoes yet even after 4 weeks. Can barely even rest my foot on the floor yet so its not going to well. I have a moonboot for 2-3 weeks maybe longer, only time will tell I guess. The damage has gone very deep, its just stopped short of a fracture however what I have is worse then a fracture and I have to have it kept an eye on to basically make sure the bone doesnt die. So I have to monitor it and have physio to see if itll help for a while.


The opportunity I have it will either be I can go or I cant go. Its not worth me going if I cant do what I need to do. They need experienced people to work with these horses (some are even bigger then racehorses that you see on tv) thatll be there, if im not able to in full capacity it can be dangerous for not only myself but for the other people around as well. I cant really be too specific but I will be working with the Police force, nurses, SES and all sorts of emergency personale so I cant afford to be at least 90% fine. I need my foot working to normal capacity. If I stuff it up then I more then likeley wont be invited back and its really important to me that I give it a good go at it. Its just really bad timing but its looking like covid situations around the country may be spoiling it now.


I have a tendency of stuffing thigns up lately though. I really should hide away from everything and everyone. It seems the safest option for everyone, hard to fit in or know how to fit in with people when your entire life is based on traumatic events and unnormal things. Just gets tiring sometimes i guess.

[demonblaster]

Starts 🦋 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone including readers hi ☺

I'm glad you're opening up darlin.
It's a good thing to be able to talk out some or as you know as much as you like of your stress that for sure you're no stranger to poor girl 🤗

Though at the time it may not be too noticeable to you it's one of the ways for some release.
The more that's said opens possibility of some one having knowledge that can help or might say something of comfort or that just clicks and helps.

I know hun it's incredibly hard when thinking and wordings locked up. Beasty (depression) does that.

I've found in that headspace as you've managed to get something coherent out takes an age. Gently pushing through and persevering although it takes time it's an achievement too as opposed to not deing and holding it in

I'm glad hearing your foots got some hope Starts. Sweety this is very important to you for it to be 100% as you know.

It sounds fantastic what you'd be doing.
So hun whatever they're saying...you need to do lovey.

I know, well assume from you saying before you're still caring for assuming family. If you need to rest that's how it is which might sound heartless it's not meant to be it's for the sake of your future and potential beginning to something good in your life.
You deserve that.

Sounds painful hun and pretty scary. As much as you can focus on the now hun.

It's like that at times darl, things just don't work out.
Maybe it's not meant to be lovely.
Might or hopefully be one door closes another opens. That for sure does happen.

Yip feeling a bit that way myself re hiding away.
I think there are times that's ok but also times it can be better to gently push ourselves to have human contact is something we need mind you that depends greatly on who they are.
Honestly as you know from here there really are a lot of nice kind caring people around too.
Try not to withdraw too much our Starts.

You'd I think be missing our dear gentle Peppystar too.
You're missed Peps and Tweety (Birdy) Sez if any of you happen to be listening 🤗🤗🤗

You too hun I often wondered how you were getting on, it's good seeing you 🤗

Hold on you really are a tough chooky who certainly is overdue for a big dose of light.

Love always and care lovely one 🦋🤝😊🌱🤗🌞

[startingnew]

Thanks DB xox

sorry i havent been around much, im struggling quite alot atm. feeling short on what to say to anyone and not feeling very useful

[demonblaster]

Hi sweetheart 🤗

I wish life was easier for you darling you barely get breaks do you poor thing.

It gets hard yes trying to respond. It's ok lovely keep what strength you have surfaced to cope with huns.

Always love and care Starts ☺⚘🦋

[startingnew]

Thanks Db, unfortunatley i have had another hospital admission for my stomach. i really need to get this sorted. its the second one in less then 6 months. i also need to possibly have surgery on my foot now. its not healing and its causing me to be in agony so its sacrificing my sleep and fitness as well which are 2 things that keep my mental health stable. will be speaking to a dr tomorrow about it and getting a second opinion on a few things rather then just saying wait it out. im suspected of possibly having a broken heel or something that minics that like plantar facisitis or the tendons that also run inside the foot.

so its not really a good time atm

[demonblaster]

Hey sweetheart 🦋 and readers 👋

It's really hard being in pain hun and losing sleep on top bad news. It affects mh too doesn't it.

I'm hopeful that the tum op and if foot will both give you some reprieve. The foot sounds no good hun struth ? broken heel you poor love that sounds so painful.

Hoping you'll get some better sleep it makes the world of difference.

Having some rain here atm. Doesn't happen too often it's usually gorgeous days.

Hope there's something 8n your days that give you some goods dear girl ☺

Good wishes with everything dear Starts 🤗😚🦋🕊🤝💗

[startingnew]

Thanks DB. sorry i havent been back. i have been so busy and exhausted that when im not working im sleeping or trying to catch up on what i didnt get do to cause of work.

things are tough here atm. tougher then what i can really say. ive lost alot of so called friends, my family basically hate me. im better off alone it seems.

[demonblaster]

Hey our darlin Starts 🤗

Geez it just doesn't slacken for you does it. Always so much stress in your life.

Is it ok to ask about your family. Do you still do so much for them? If so hun they've from what I've seen been a huge part of your pain. Can you call the shots or ease right off what you do for them. Not right you running ragged with no respect well that's how it used to be. You deserve more.

I'm sorry lifes so hard so often for you dear Starts poor girl.

I hope geez you so badly need a break eh that your physical healths easing poor darl.

Nah that's ok you not getting back earlier, no pressure here or anyway hun just when you're up to sweet one ☺

Dunno that you'd be better off alone darl. If people don't want to see you for the good soul you are then let them move on there are good ones out there I just wish you'd start meeting them.

Good you're working I hope it's the job you were doubtful but wanted. Good to have some bucks coming in either way.

I wonder lovey are you still caring for your pop.

I wonder how you're going. It's good seeing you. Take care sweetheart and keep on going. You're a tough cooky who so much needs and deserves some goods in your life.

Always love care & friendship huns 🤗😚⚘