Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

Yeah ive been journalling and i see my psych next week as well. Thanks 🙂

[geoff]

hello Startingnew, I'm sorry that this struggle has been so stressful for you, and yes sometimes we do feel ashamed and embarrassed but that's not our fault, it's not what we would ever want to happen, but don't hate yourself nor blame yourself, simply because you never asked to get any of these did you, no.
To be sexually abused is disgusting and as I've always said that I detest this type of behaviour as a form of violation.
If you're not OK then that is by no means satifying enough to console you, but I have this feeling as though you may not trust us enough to open up a little more, look that's OK because we have to earn your trust, and feel as though we have to tell you that it's quite comfortable posting on this forum, we don't know who you are, or what you look like, so you're anonymous to us, except that we know you are struggling all by yourself.
We really don't want you to feel as though you can't trust us, but I assure you, we have your undivirected attention, because we only want to get you through this period to help you feel as though you do have people who want to help you. Geoff.

[startingnew]

Hi Geoff

i know it wasnt my fault but i sometimes cant help but think it was and i still just feel so embarrassed and like im a dissapointment :(im not really sure what else to say

at least i can say that it was dealt with when it happened im more just disclosing it a psych etc. ive kept it a secret for so long after it was dealt with but it really is still there and i struggle with it all the time despite knowing im safe etc.

its not that i dont trust you guys on here, it really is more that i dont really know what else to say or what to add in and i just so embarrassed and feel like a dissapointment

[monkey_magic]

Hi starting new,

Im going to flip it around for you and say that what happened to you was terrible, embarrassing and disappointing. But you are amazing, you are human. You are amazing because you survived, and now it's processing it all, dealing with it and getting through the other side which I believe you can do.

Be gentle on yourself and it's perfectly OK to feel the way you do.

Have you researched the effects of sexual assault? I'm saying this because it could help to normalise what you feel emotionally, psychologically and spiritually...but with some healing will come freedom and this can make you feel better about yourself and all of the things that have happened to you.

Id also suggest doing things that will increase your self esteem and confidence for eg going for a walk, writing a poem, painting a picture...anything you like really.

You cannot let this beat you. Its time to take control back. You are now in control of your feelings and choices, its your life...time to do what makes you feel good.

[startingnew]

hi steph

i dont know how to process it. i dont know how to move forward and i dont know how to heal.

i have a very slow self esteem as it is and im struggling so much with anything

[monkey_magic]

Hello,

I understand sometimes these feelings can stay inside. Research the steps of grief/ the grief cycle which will explain the feelings you feel. Also you can research recovering from sexual abuse. You could find a support group? Or go to a supportive community centre. Art therapy and interacting with pets/animals can help some, gentle exercise, or exercising hard out..

Maybe one of the community champions can direct you to useful forums on here??

I learnt that the opposite of depression is expression so expressing these feelings in a healthy way ( some ppl punch pillows) .

Theres a smiling mind app that people use, so you could google smiling mind...

Sounds like it all has to be unravelled...it will happen in time..

For me personally if someone holds me, hugs me I find it easier to release emotions...but sometimes these people don't come around that often, in that case I nurture myself.

U could go to a good church? Speak to a paster or a female there??

Good luck xox

[startingnew]

thanks steph

ill have a look at that app thanks, im not religious so im not really up for going to church ( no judgement on any one who is religious), ill have a look at some sites that deal with this issue 🙂

thanks again

[rustee_nails]

it's been about a month since the first time i disclosed everything that was done to me ,

to the 1st person in my life ever.i was never touched up, just almost everything else.

it was a very shocking, viceral experience that had me in shock for days.

and i felt like it was still somehow my fault, but it got better every day ,

i'm not gunna give you the same advice as everyone else has.

i just want you to know that there's some very good advice on this page,

even if the cheery disposition seems a total juxtaposition to the subject matter,

everyone here wants what is best for you,and i can't understand exactly how you feel.

but i can tell you it get's easier and the more you work at it the easier it get's.

Good Luck

[startingnew]

thanks for your advice. i really appreciting it. i really do hope it gets easier with time

[blondguy]

Hi SN

I think you are really pro-active with your health especially having a counselor too!

I had chronic anxiety for many years and only saw my Psych every few months as I had low self worth with low self esteem because of the anxiety attacks.

It took me years but I eventually had weekly therapy for 8 months and the psych had me crying like a baby..it felt awful and uncomfortable at the time but after a couple of days I felt like I had so much weight lifted off me..my self esteem and self worth picked up all because I increased the frequency of the therapy.

It does get better with time and super regular therapy (and meds if the GP thinks they are a good idea too)

Im really happy that you are part of the forums now startingnew 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul