My wife isn't the least bit interested in sex and I am taking it personally. Should I?

[Steven1]

Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat... my wife never wants to have sex with me. We are still relatively young (I am 30 and she is 29) and we have been married 4 years, been together about ten. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 3 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. I always have to initiate it and I feel rejected and horrible when she knocks me back.

Being depressed and having low self esteem probably makes it seem worse, but I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex for months. I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone?

[Apollo_Black]

Hey Lynda - i think if there's a physical issue it's a whole different ball game. But a definite missing link is relationship comfort - so I totally understand your position.

[blondguy]

Hey Apollo

I will try to find your other thread...I hope you are doing okay. I havent been too bad....and thankyou for asking too:-)

My Best

Paul

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Lynda

I wanted to reply to your post , I am a little embarrassed to be honest, as I am a very private person when it comes to this topic of men and women. But I just really wanted to thank you for your suggestion in regards to "How to Laugh your way into a Good Marriage" DVD. I watched it on YouTube in six parts. It helped me to understand men, well my man much more, especially how the brain works in some men. ie, some men's brains sort of have stuff stored in boxes. Where as most women's brains are like jumbled up wires, where everything in our lives is sort of connected. Well thank you ever so much again dear Lynda, for it did open my eyes.

With kindness

Shell xx

[pipsy]

Hi Shell. Bless you for your kind words. The dvd, was the best thing I was ever introduced to. I think it explains the sexes better than the book entitled Men Are From Mars etc. The book, although excellent in it's day didn't really touch on the emotional side, trying to converse, trying to understand each other etc. My ex-hubby watched the dvd with me before we parted, but tended to disagree with most of what it said. I think, in his case, the truth was a bit more than he could handle.

Lynda

[Apollo_Black]

Like I said Lynda - you can try everything, but at the end of the day it might not work. And that's why he's your ex. At least he watched it I guess.

[Apollo_Black]

If I asked my wife to watch it with me she'd laugh in my face. Maybe I should ask her

[pipsy]

AB, give it a go, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Watch it yourself, curiosity might get the better of her. It is funny, but educational in a positive light-hearted way.

Lynda

[Apollo_Black]

I've tried everything Lynda - this can't hurt. I'll see if I can YouTube it.

not sure if anyone actually answered OP's original question??

the answer is NO

[blondguy]

Hey Apollo

The answer is YES! from me I would take it personally! There may be some girls on the forums (not just your thread apollo) that are doing it tough when it comes to physical intimacy that may be having a physical problem or possible surgery.

Okay...as for myself, and with all due respect to the girls on your thread. I am so tired of 'some' girls using 'Sex as Weapon" (As Pat Benatar's track was titled in November 1985....'Sex as a weapon')..google it!

Like yourself I am more than aware that 'no means no' and thats spot on. However I have been hurt big time by girls that dont 'understand' or get it when it comes to a guys sex drive is concerned.It has left me so very alone and isolated when I was only feeling like 'mother nature' intended me to.

It was gut wrenching for me Apollo...I do hear you and I remember taking it personally.....Paul

[Mr_Cool]

I think feedback is great and I appreciated Lynda's comments. At the end of the day it started trying to provide some insights for steven1. Input from women on this topic can be very enlightening. I'm certainly going to look up that dvd and see what I can learn.

But I'm 100% with Paul regarding the pain that men can feel when rejected repeatedly. Especially when it's being done as some some of punishment. It's either that or women (some) have no idea what negative effects they have on their man.