My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Hi all,

Don't be worried if you don't hear from me for a few days.

Doing a spiritual retreat.

Chat soon

Peace

Matt

[Guest_9809]

Okay Matt.

You will be greatly missed by many of us, naturally. But I totally understand your need to take a bit of time out for yourself. I think you spend a lot of time taking care of all of us here, but often forget about yourself.

Spiritual retreat sounds interesting, I would love to hear more about it upon your return.

Take care, have fun, and come back renewed and refreshed.

Hugs,

Taurus xx

[1113]

Hi Taurus and all,

Things are great. Thanks for your concern. Appreciate that so much. It's nice to have caring friend/s.

I'm going to take a few more days away.

"The Christian retreat can be defined in the most simplest of terms as a definite time (from a few hours in length to a month) spent away from one's normal life for the purpose of reconnecting, usually in prayer, with God." Retreat (spiritual) - Wikipedia

"The meaning of a spiritual retreat can be different for different religious communities. Spiritual retreats are an integral part of many Hindu, Buddhist, Christian and Sufi (Islamic) communities.In Hinduism and Buddhism, meditative retreats are seen by some as an intimate way of deepening powers of concentration and insight." Retreat (spiritual) - Wikipedia

I am loving it. I found clarity of thought and reconnected with my spiritual side. I feel closer to God and the essence of life/universe and nature.

Wisdom is clear to me and things couldn't look better.

Peace be with you all

Chat soon

Matt.

[blondguy]

Hey Matt

take good care of you, your heart and thoughts are precious

my kindest

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Matt~

A retreat can be a blessing, and one can return stronger with a clearer path.

Peace to you too.

Croix

[1113]

Thank you guys,

I will return to my spirit retreat and return on the third day.

That will be 6/1/17.

Resurrection.

Peace

Matt.

[1113]

Hello everyone reading,

I bring greetings and happiness in abundance.

I thought I should should explain my profile picture to all. My newest pic is of St Matthew the Evangelist. While on my spirit retreat I came across this in the "who am I" philosophical train of thought. I found this interesting as a thought only. It did however prompt me up date my profile pic. I'm enjoying my soul searching, haven't quite finished yet.

I thought I might share some examples of what an evangelist is;
----------😊

"evangelist

ɪˈvan(d)ʒ(ə)lɪst/

noun
1.
a person who seeks to convert others to the Christian faith, especially by public preaching.
"an American television evangelist"
synonyms:preacher, missionary, gospeller, proselytizer, converter, crusader, propagandist,campaigner, televangelist
"people flocked to hear evangelists preach"
2.
the writer of one of the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John).
"St John the Evangelist" - google.

"An Itinerant preacher (also known as an itinerant minister or evangelistor circuit rider) is a Christian evangelist who preaches the basic Christian redemption message while traveling around to different groups of people within a relatively short period of time. Evangelism marketing is an advanced form of word-of-mouth marketing in which companies develop customers who believe so strongly in a particular product or service that they freely try to convince others to buy and use it." - Wikipedia

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden." - Matthew 5:14

" Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:15-16

Marketing -

"A technology evangelist is a person who builds a critical mass of support for a given technology, and then establishes it as a technical standard in a market that is subject to network effects." - Wikipedia

Technology evangelist - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"A developer evangelist is first and foremost a translator. Someone who can explain technology to different audiences to get their support for a certain product or technology. It needs to be someone who is technical but also capable to find the story in a technical message…" - A Day in the Life of a Developer Evangelist - The Next Web

Few old and new definitions.

Have a nice day

Peace

Matt

[Guest_9809]

Morning Matt. Well, it sounds like you are finding your spiritual retreat both deep and insightful. As I imagine it should be. Just out of interest, in all the definitions and descriptions of an evangelist, where do you see yourself?

Anyway I thank you for your greeting and happiness that you brought in abundance. It actually sounds like you have plenty to share right now. Wonderful to see. Keep up the good work you've done, as well as the peace you've managed to achieve in your being and in your life.

Taurus xx

[1113]

Hi Taurus,

It was only a thought.

I can see a bit of myself in all of them.

I'm super busy until about 3.30 tomorrow. I apologize if I cant post to people i promised.

Peace until then

Matt

[Wednesday]

Hello Matt,

I'm just popping by to say hello. I see you have been on a spiritual retreat. that is quite a commitment and I hope it gave you all you needed at this time.

Do you feel like sharing what you got out of the retreat? Of course there is no need to I'm just curious. I read your broad list of evangelist definitions and the question of T's you answered. It sounds and I may be wrong that you are looking for ways to come to terms with yourself? Not though in an existential crises way.

It seems to me that people that have been through a lot and whose boundaries have been broken down by others often struggle to come to terms with who they are and value themselves as they should. I hope you have found peace in your journey.

Take great care of you, xx