My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Thank you Wednesday,

I wasn't, unfortunately. It probably would of been better than an actual mental health condition. Luckly this is the best place for that. My apologies for my non conservative state ATM. If I seem rude or otherwise, it's best to not take it personally.

I'll start here again because I am not ashamed of who I am.

Lets talk serotonin syndrome...

Anyone in?

If not, then that's ok.

Start tomorrow....

[1113]

Have you ever flown two kites close together?

Serotonin syndrome (SS) is a group of symptoms that may occur following use of certain serotonergic medications or drugs. The degree of symptoms can range from mild to severe. Symptoms include high body temperature, agitation, increased reflexes, tremor, sweating, dilated pupils, and diarrhea.
Upon the discontinuation of serotonergic drugs, most cases of serotonin syndrome resolve within 24 hours, although in some cases delirium may persist for a number of days. Symptoms typically persist for a longer time frame in patients taking drugs which have a long elimination half-life, active metabolites, or a protracted duration of action.
Cases have reported muscle pain and weakness persisting for months, and antidepressant discontinuation may contribute to ongoing features. Following appropriate medical management, serotonin syndrome is generally associated with a favorable prognosis. - Wikipedia.
.
Serotonin syndrome is a condition caused most often by the concurrent use of 2 or more agents that enhance synaptic serotonin levels.
Recently I was admitted to emergency unaware of why. I had been feeling great with a heightened almost euphoric, agitated mood.. until I snapped- I was flying two kites.

Thankfully the ER Dr was very extensive in his diagnosis. He reviewed years of my medical history to find that I had been admitted before with the same symptoms and medication combination. Diagnosing me with SS, discharged and referred to my GP. My GP (ex-gp) didn't read the hospital report and increased my antidepressants.... Which of course I didn't do. Note worthy: "although in some cases delirium may persist for a number of days"

85% of Dr's are unaware of SS and there is no ante-mortem test for it.

To be continued...

[1113]

Nervous system symptoms include overactive reflexes and muscle spasms. Other serotonin syndrome symptoms include high body temperature, sweating, shivering, clumsiness, tremors, and confusion and other mental changes. Symptoms of serotonin syndrome can range from mild to life threatening.

We are all probably well aware of the symptoms stated above. I would like to address the blasé and seemly undocumented "other mental changes".

We live in a society with the ability to do medical marvels and we still have no idea what actually happens when you get SS. Modern science is unable to test this. Everybody is different and everyone has a different tolerance to toxicity. If you're a frail human then you probably would succumb to the weaker symptoms. Then there's the amount of meds you are on and there half life- SS can continue weeks after discontinuation of medicine.

Many documented fatal cases of SS account "suicide" the cause of the end. "Other mental changes" seems impervious.

The Dr prescribes you with two kites (I use this analogy because it's the best description) now you have to fly them. It's windy, they have a life of their own. Your standing, enjoying yourself. It's beautiful, dancing in the wind. Mesmerising. One handle in each hand. Then they swerve together.... Colossal mess. You sit down and try to untangle. It's unbelievable, you contemplate cutting the string. It's so knotted, you throw your kite in the bin.


Have you ever had SS?

Your story is worthy

[1113]

Hi Croix,

My retreat was infact the start of a very difficult period.

Hope you are well

[1113]

Hi Taurus,

Hope you are well.

Im not sure if your around anymore.

You have had a name change. Cool.

Anyhow, happy to chat if you are around.

Matt

[1113]

Burrrrr.. cold