My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Peaceful thank you shell

Lost is an understatement. Major depression is hard work.

I dabble in the psychic realm a bit, medium, angel numbers, astrology, zoroastrianism/Mazdayasna, Christianity, Buddhism, taoism and mix them up to form my belief system.

I must say to you;

I sense a disturbances in the flow of your energy.

Anyway,

Its nice that you've joined me here. I feel I have a lot to offer you in spiritual guidance.

Look forward to talking with you soon.

Peace

Matt

[1113]

Peaceful morning all,

Its friday the 13th. Of Jan 17.

Much debate over the number 13. Lucky or unlucky?

My opinion is lucky.

Angel numbers say;

The ascended masters (such as jesus, Quan Ying, etc) are with you, helping you maintain a postive outlook. The number 13 signifies that female ascended masters and goodesses are assisting you in staying positive.

1 is easy to remember;

Stay positive, Everything you're thinking right now is coming true. Make sure what your thinking is good....etc.

17, I like this one it around all year, i see it every day;

The angels applaud you for staying positive and optimistic. They say that your optimism is warranted, as your affirmative thoughts are coming true. Keep up the good work, as you're on the right path.

Today is friday,5th day of the week,

5;

A significant change is occurring, always for the better. Its a good Idea to call apon heaven for help with life changes.

One of a psychics greatest assets is noticing patterns, number patterns are a very easy to notice....this has always been very interesting to me.

Memory is also a great asset to anyone. This becomes difficult with depression. But honing my skills also helps with brain/memory training. Great for depression.

So in conclusion;

13/1/17 in my books is all g.

I hope everyone has a great friday the 13th.

Im off to my routine towards health.

Peace

Matt.

[Croix]

Dear Matt~

Thank you for giving Friday the 13th a more positive aspect

Croix

[1113]

Peaceful hello Croix,

No problem buddy.

Congratulations on becoming a community champion.

Your background, kindness and understanding are excellent qualities.

Funny joke time;

"I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward"

Thats gold. Lol.

Peace

[blondguy]

Hey Matt

Another phunny one. I really like your outlook on life

Happy Friday the 13the 👋

Paul

[1113]

Peaceful evening paul,

Jokes are good medicine. Got a whole Internet full of em!

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.

Lol.

L O G I N G O U T Q U I C K L Y.............better spelling today.

Peace

[Moonstruck]

Hello 1113 - we haven't spoken very often. Did you know there is a thread called Worst Joke Wednesday? It doesn't have to be a Wednesday to put one on there I believe.....I haven't checked it out for a while. You might like to join in there also.....I am no good at remembering jokes - I just have a standard few that I drag out every once in a while...I think I;ve used them all up on Worst Joke Wednesday.....keep on laughing........

[1113]

Peaceful evening moonbear and dragon slayer?

Thank you for your post. I will venture out and about more shortly. Still keeping things light for now.

How are you fairing after the op?

You seem highly confident and I sense some pride there too. Congratulations.

1202 posts is a 5. Nice.

Peace

Matt.

[1113]

Hi Paul,

I forgot to thank you for your support. Thanks bud.

Depression is difficult when you see just-fully, I continually doubt myself and doubt the world I live in. I wish I could turn this off. Only to get better. My eyes will not allow this. Inmsome ways it is keeping my mind away from bad things, ironically by looking for wrong in society, which btw is everywhere.

I love humanity, all people equally. No judgement varies for me.

I do hope people understand this about me.

The world needs changing, not the people. But how do you turn around 1000yrs of wrong beliefs without upsetting a few along the way.

I wish to continue support this community, I hate upsetting people too.

Any suggestions?

Peace

[blondguy]

Hey Matt

No worries about the support at all and thanks too!

You and I have similar spiritual views as well as the same care factor.

You dont (and havent) upset anyone Matt....You are a gift to whats happening on the forums

You have a point that there is a lot wrong with the world and society...very true...

We are just here for a little while (a heartbeat) Im accelerating at 57 Matt...

I wish....I was on here at your age....seriously...in the 1980's we only had paperbacks and a cell phone was $4500

There was Zero help for anxiety/depression

My biggest mistake.....thinking I could self heal....I trashed 13 years of my life (23yo to 36yo) without taking full advantage of seeing a counsellor on a regular basis....Anyhoo...my bad....Meds have been a gift for the last 21yrs

Just for me.....The meds gave me a foundation on which I could use all these coping mechanisms more effectively

I can get started on Donald Trump or world hunger now....but I will be a wreck...we can only do so much and me spending my mental energy on things I cant impact would be a waste of life as we know it.

* Regular Counseling is a gift that I neglected for a long time....

* I refused meds..even small dosages....until I was 36 in 1996...more wasted life

* I was 'overthinking' for years and didnt even know it

Sorry Matt....I better stop here....Its your call if you have any questions or just want to say hello...I seem to have accumulated a lot of knowledge on this mongrel depression and anxiety business.

Its not easy...but there is a way out of the maze....That I do know 🙂

Great to have you on the forums Matt. You are a special and kind guy

please be 'gentle' to yourself my friend...you are more than worth it..

Paul 🙂