Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Carol,

I have read your post again. And finally it has sunk in my brain. I felt much encouraged by your words. I will definitely think about all that you have suggested.

Love Shell xx

[Starwolf]

Hi there, Shelle-Belle,

I just came upon this thread and read through it. With all the heart-felt support you are getting here, it feels to me like a safe place. You're in good hands.

I am very happy that you have been shouting out. Some feelings are too loud, too powerful to be kept bottled up. Nothing wrong with allowing the pressure out instead of letting it build up till the whole thing explodes. Well done for opening the outlet. This is precisely what keeps you safe, though it may look and sound scary.

I hear your shouts deep in my heart. All I want to do is hold you in a long cyber hug and whisper in your ear that it's OK to feel the way you do and that expressing it by crying out loud is even better...it's all part of healing.

Pipsy, it is a big relief to know the worst is now behind you. A warm welcome back to you.​ Great to see you back in good form.

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Star,

I would love a hug from you. So I will accept it. Thankyou ever so much. And thanks for hearing my shouts too. I hope you are okay up there?

Yeah I actually don't like feeling that anger pressure inside me. Today I could feel frustration just hanging around near the surface. I am not normally easily frustrated, angered, irritated or annoyed. It just isn't me or something. It may pop up on rare occasions. But over the last month it has been very frequent. I just like to feel calm within and know all is well with my soul.

What is it that keeps me safe Star? Is it the need to express this forceful emotion in the right way. Is that what you mean?

Anyway here is a hug for you also. Do you still have those little birds coming in and out of your house?

Much kindness

Shelle Belle

[pipsy]

Hi Star. Many thanks for the warm welcome. It's a great relief to know my health is better. It's been a difficult year, but I'm sure the worst is behind me. I suppose we all have to endure hardship to appreciate the good we get when things go right.

Lynda

[Wilma1]

Shelley, still with you. I smashed a cd with a hammer today. Pieces flying everywhere. Humm!!! Did it feel good not sure yet.keep yelling. Wishful

[Guest_1055]

I am here with you too Wishful. I am not sure why you smashed the CD, but I feel like smashing it too, and it is not even my CD.

. I just feel a force in my arms. I did a similar thing with a coconut. I just kept wacking and wacking it, with white bits flying off all on to me and onto the floor. Now I feel frustrated as this device keeps auto correcting itself of my supposedly spelling mistakes.

Your not alone Wishful

[Guest_1055]

I am with you also Wishful, I virtually see you in my imagination. This is the second post I am writing to you perhaps the other one will come through later. I don't know..

I am not sure why you are smashing the CD, but I feel like smashing it too, and it isn't even mine. My arms just feel so restless, I noticed myself mindlessly tapping away on my head, whilst my hand was resting there. Weird and embarrassing.

Shell xx

[SourceShield]

Hey Shell and the other gorgeous folk here!

Wishful,

You have my support too, smash-away, if thats what makes you feel better!.

---

Shell,

What Ive done in the past, is get acrylic paint, blob it into my hands, and throw the paint (thats on my hands), at a canvas!

Its a magical way to let off some steam.

---

I used to have terrible issues with anger management.

I just couldnt manage it!.

I had a short fuse - I think I got that from my Grandad!

I love him, but he was a bit moody.

Never did anything mean to me, but I saw him 'lose it', quite a few times.

I thought that was normal.

To feel anger - normal.

Extreme anger - is not normal.

I could have outbursts, like adult-tantrums!

---

The autism would also sometimes get the better of me.

In a major way.

I have to remember that the disorders, that I live with, and the HFA brain that I have, 'colour' my world, in a different way to many others, as Dr Kim, marvelously pointed out the other day!

I used to think it was because I was wrong.

"Im the worst person...like blah blah blah..."

But, I've learnt that we are just 'neurodiverse'.

Just means that we are all 'different', and that also includes the 'types' of 'brains' that we have as well!.

---

Its important for us to remember that if these angry and frustrated feelings stick around for longer than two weeks, it probably means that we really need to speak to a professional.

Dont make my mistake and think you have to suffer in silence.

Im glad that we have this space, thank you Shell, because some moments in my life I still want to shout and smash things. If I did that in real life, I would most likely be arrested.

Have you ever thrown paint at a canvas?

Its fun.

I hope that you are well today, but if youre feeling down, let us know how it is for you.

MuchLove

Kaitoa.

[Starwolf]

The reason why shouting is keeping you safe is that letting steams off prevents it to build up inside to a point where it will explode. This can create a lot of damage.

Building up inside heart and mind is what anger does when it is not let out. Anger can be an extraordinarily powerful emotion, which is why seeing it in ourselves is so scary. It seems easier to keep it bottled up to avoid its ugliness. But it is dangerous to harbour this powerful energy inside.

Yes, my place is part of the surrounding bush. When doors are left open (most of the time) wildlife visit or use it as a short-cut. Some are welcome...some not so much. Many take it for granted that I am just one of them and not the predator type, so there's little or no fear.

I hope this weekend will treat you gently.

[Guest_1055]

Afternoon Kiatoa

That does actually sound sort of fun throwing blobs of paint on some canvas. I haven't done it before. I am teaching myself the ukulele and last night I took out all the frustration in the strumming. Normally I would just strum calm and peaceful like but not last night.

The thing is that this build up of frustration and anger in me is very out of character. It is not normally an emotion that I have witnessed or dealt with much at all. I am even unable and have no desire to watch movies etc that have anger in them. It just sort of takes away the calmness or something.

I am not feeling down all is well there.

Thanks Kaitoa