Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[pipsy]

Hey Shell. So sad you are in such a bad place now. Trust is something that happens over time. This thread is safe and trustworthy as there is never judgement. We love and care for each other here and it's always there. Often what we write doesn't seem to mean the same as the spoken word. The written word has no feeling, therefore when we write that we care or love someone, we can't put the same feeling into the words. Please keep posting, the need for you to have someone reading and answering your cries is important for your continued support. I often tell my special friend how I feel, as he does, but because it is words, it's hard to comprehend. Whenever I feel the need to cry or vent, I do as it's healthy and the bad feelings need to be expelled. Be gentle with yourself and know you're among family here.

Lynda

[Guest_1055]

Thanks heaps Carol for understanding and thanks Lynda for your reassurance.

Frustration is still there, as I felt it come out from within as I banged and banged, a young Thai coconut to open it. I wasn't frustrated by the coconut, but something else. Just sick of life or existance....

[Wilma1]

Shelley Anne. I just want to pop in and say something, hopefully helpful. Firstly I hear you deep in my heart. I have so far only had a brief experience with anger, it's all in there though, somewhere. I was advised to write down everything, then burn it. What did happen, scared the crap out of me, but made me aware.

I saw a movie ages ago. A man stuck his head out the window in the middle of the night and YELLED, " I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more".

For now your yelling is heard in out hearts. Maybe one day we'll hear each other with our ears YELLING, I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!!!!!!!

You are held safely. Wishful

[Guest_1055]

Your words brought on the tears Wishful, it is most likely the kindness coming through in your words. Thank you for hearing me.

I don't know what is happening to me lately or why, just so much frustration and a feeling of "I am just plain sick of this". It even feels now like my arms are agitated or restless somehow. And that is just weird.

I haven't had a lot of experience with the emotion of anger either, well not like it is now.

So what scared you Wishful, was it the stuff you wrote down or feeling the emotion of anger?

Please call me Shell if you like, or Shelley anne

[Wilma1]

Shelley Anne, it was both. What I wrote down and what I felt. I've never felt anger before, and it scares me. I've seen it demonstrated plenty of times. From what I'm being told here on the forum, YOU, have every right to feeling that anger. Gently let it out. Apparently it's healthy!!!!! We're both scared, fragile, human. Right here with you. Wishful

[pipsy]

Hey Shell. Hope you're in a better place now. Anger and frustration were my 1st and 2nd names for most of my life. The anger had to be repressed as I wasn't permitted to release it. The frustration came from having to repress the anger. Repressing these powerful emotions over a long period of life actually means you forget how to release them in a constructive way. Sometimes 'anger management' courses help. I'm not suggesting for one minute you sign up for one of these courses, but it is something to maybe consider down the track. Your continued up and down moods suggest severe depression which is also brought about by repressing other emotions. Trying to control these moods alone is not easy, perhaps asking for a referral to a therapist or asking for help through BB's own helpline when you feel so frustrated and angry. Never, ever be afraid to ask for help or guidance, no-one will ever judge you. We love you and want to help and support you.

Lynda

[White_Rose]

Dear Shelley

Please be assured I was not upset in any way by your post. I thought it great and definitely liked your last sentence. I think perhaps we are in agreement after all Mary. This is the comment I treasure.

This is a good thread and I am so sorry you feel unsafe here. The lovely folk who write in here are offering you their love and support. Shouting out, however metaphorical it is, is on the whole a good thing. You get rid of some pent up feelings and release the tension. This tension is the cause of your frustration etc. I call it my 'itchy' feeling, not being able to put my finger on what is troubling me but knowing all is definitely not well. It needs to be scratched but there is that usual feeling that the itch moves when you scratch.

I sent an email the other day to a counsellor who is helping me with my reactions and feelings about the event I mentioned. Sorry I cannot say what it is for all sorts of reasons. However, as I said, I wrote this email and boy did I SHOUT OUT. As fast as I wrote about one thing, another bit of anger popped in about another aspect.

I sent the email and waited to be told to go away. Instead this man wrote back and said that now it was in the open we can talk about it when we next meet. He also said, and I have pinched his words to tell you, it's better out in the open. Would I have verbally yelled at this man? I think it highly unlikely, though I guess we can never be entirely sure what we will and will not do. Because he is a professional person he knew my anger was not really directed at him. I was using the opportunity to get rid of my itchiness. Probably would not write in that manner to a friend as I may lose that friend.

It's the same on BB. We all know how upset everyone gets and the different ways we manifest this. It's accepted without judgement because we all have our tender spots and poking them hurts. I feel that shouting out here is the equivalent of saying ouch (or another word) when I stub my toe.

Take good care of yourself as you do for others in your life, both on BB and at your home.

Mary

[Guest_1055]

Hello Wishful, you words bought on more tears when I read your post yesterday. Most likely your kindness again. So thank you ever so much.

Yes I have heard letting out anger from within is good also. Unless it is directed out onto others, then it can do a lot of damage to that person .

Yes I can understand if you are not used to feeling this strong emotion, it would be scary. It can feel like such a forceful thing inside of you hey?. Plus if you have seen the damage and hurt it can have on others if directed out on to them. Well maybe that would scare you too. Personally I haven't seen a lot of that. My experience growing up was like you repress your emotions, i.e. shove them deep inside somewhere or something.

Thanks for being here with me, and I was looking at your cute dog there. Is she or he actually comfortable sitting like that? I guess may be so, otherwise it wouldn't do it....

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Lynda

Yeah I think that is what I sort of unconsciously learnt as well. Just stuff the anger down inside your heart somewhere. Only to have it possibly explode later on in life. And then not know what to do with it or something.

I thought your suggestion of a anger management course was quite a good one. So I "googled" to see if perhaps there was some free ones that one could do online. I haven't come across any as yet.

Thanks for your kindness Lynda

[Guest_1055]

Thanks for replying to me Mary. I was so concerned that I may have offended or hurt you. I kept re hashing and re hashing it for a long time. Thanks heaps for your reassurance, it brought relief to me.

And now I am wondering if your itchiness is a bit like this restless or agitation that I feel in my arms? I guess it does sort of feel like an "all is not well feeling". Something is amiss. Or something is just under the surface. I don't know... it is too hard to work it all out at the moment.

Thanks for your kindness too Mary

xx