It's over. Feel like giving up.

[Guest_223]

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.

[Guest_223]

Thank you. I am still going, I'm still trying. It's just seems to be this continuous cycle that I'm stuck in. Things are never good for long.

[Guest_989]

As a fellow borderline, I'm here for you.

If you need a friend, happy to be there

[Guest_223]

Thanks. Always in need of a friend.

[Guest_223]

I just can't stop thinking about these negative thoughts and that it's going to be bigger than other times. It's going to take planning. I really do feel like giving up yet again. The cycle continues. The emotional pain continues. I'm exhausted from all of the things in life but thankful for the support from everyone on this forum.

[Fairywings]

I know the feeling sweetheart i feeling quite stuck and trapped myself can feel the devil unleashing itself this episode i am facing atm has gone well beyond its welcome i just can't seem to get out of this rut im feeling xx I suffer from depression and anxiety bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder and body dysmorphia a nice combo i too have been contemplating a psych ward admission myself i would need a mother and baby ward xx bc i have a little boy whom has just turned 4 and has autism. I love to go in there for a while but as a mother know it's not the right thing for my little boy bc he needs all the intervention right now interms of speech and occupational therapy bc he is non verbal and not self sufficient xx very demanding i just want a way out from it all right now 😓😓😓

[Guest_223]

I have borderline personality disorder And ptsd. Its really hard when i want nothing more than to get out of this cycle. I have 5 children. the oldest is 6 and has autism too, it was a really demanding job looking after him, he was non verbal the first 5 years of his life, now he talks all time. Currently he lives with his grandmother full time because he needs the extra attention.

[Fairywings]

Yes I know it's a nasty cycle i have 5 kids too 4 of them r my angel babies xx I know they are with me all the time hats off to you ur doing an amazing job with 5 young ones xx we are going to get thru this we just have to keep telling ourselves this for the sake of our beautiful kids xx

[Guest_989]

What kind of support do you have at home? Partner?

[Doolhof]

I agree that support is sometimes very hard to come by.

Some people help for a little while, think you should be over it all by now and can't see any point in helping any longer.

I'm part of a volunteer organisation where thankfully the people have just accepted me as I am, in the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Thing is, support there is very limited also.

So I just muddle along the best I can and try not to do anything too horrid along the way.

Inner strength...if only it came in bottles!

[Guest_989]

Where do you volunteer?

After what I've been through, I'll never turn my back on someone in need.