It's over. Feel like giving up.

[Guest_223]

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.

[Croix]

Dear Miss Marra~

I have no idea if this will strike any sort of chord with you, it might be something. It comes from my life.

One can reach a stage where encouraging words slide off, well meant but meaningless at the time. Depression forms a shell that is just about impossible to penetrate - all looks hopeless, an endless cycle.

There are maybe two things, perhaps three. First is that there is a life out there, you can see other people experiencing it, so it is there - real.

Second some have been where you are and found that life. You are talking to one of them.

Third you have survival built in, this is not a fresh experience, you have weathered it before.

You do have support you know. Those lines of text on your screen are from real flesh and blood. I know it's not as good as a live person beside you, but it is care -pure and simple - plus experience

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi MissMara,

I will tell you a little of my recent life. End of January I was a huge mess. I thought my only way out was to end it. A policeman stopped me, took me to my Dr and I was put in hospital for two weeks. I had no mental health professionals to help me. I felt like kicking and screaming. I used the phone help lines while in hospital. I was given pills to calm me down. I fought being in there.

(I was in a small country hospital with no mental health services. The nurses tried to help though the best they could. The hospital has Drs on call, no full time Drs at all.)

It was only when I returned home that I realised how much I needed that time in hospital. My Dr. told me he put me there for my own safety. To give my body a rest. To be monitored and cared for. So I didn't have to battle on alone.

Dear MissMara, as hard as it is I do so hope you manage to keep going. I also know how difficult it is to find support. The people at the Church I attend seem to have ignored my mental health issues. The minister visited me once in Church and that was that as far as support goes. We have about 60 people in our congregation. Only 2 have asked how I am.

I have found that I need to find the strength within me to keep going. It is tough, darn hard at times. I still feel like giving up but manage to push on.

Think of just one thing you would like to achieve today, it may be something as simple as having a shower, congratulate yourself if you manage to do that one thing. If you don't manage it, then tell yourself you will try again tomorrow.

I'm hoping you find the strength to get through your day hour by hour.

Hugs to you if yo want them, from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Croix,

Just want to say your post is beautifully written.

Like you wrote, the words that are shared here are written by real people. We may not know each other but the care and support is real.

Thanks again Croix for that reminder!

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Miss Mara,

I've just had another thought. Would you like to share why you found your hospital visit to be so traumatic?

Maybe by discussing it, we may be able to help you to make a possible future visit to hospital more beneficial for you.

When I worked in aged care, some of the elderly had a hospital bag packed if they were frequent visitors to hospital. How would you feel about packing a few emergency items in a bag just in case? It does not mean you will be needing it, but just in case.

I phoned my husband and asked him to bring some things into hospital for me. A girlfriend and I had a wonderful laugh at the mazing selection of miss matched clothes he brought in. I was very thankful he had done so, his choices were just very interesting!

Cheers again from Dools

[Guest_223]

Hi. Something terrible happened months and months ago in the local hospital that is really traumatic for me to be able to be there. I've just taken out top private hospital cover so I do not have to be faced with going to that hospital again. It's just the two month wait that's going to be the struggle. With the diagnosis that I have the public system say that hospital is not the best place for me to be for too long. So it's always a quick admission and a quick discharge, I'm never given the chance to be able to get any better in hospital. There's also no therapy group programs in the public hospital psychiatric ward that I have been admissions to. It really is not a good place at all.

[Guest_223]

Hi. I really do appreciate the support on this forum. I wish that I could make a friend who lives in the same town and is understanding of mental illness but everyone I meet just turns their back on me when I do something or say something or act a certain way that they do not understand. It's really hard to deal with. It's quite lonely too.

[Croix]

Dear MissMara~

Let me tell you something unrelated - there is a point I'll waffle through to in the end you just need patience:)

My 1st wife died after 25 years, we were in love all the way through. At her passing I was devastated and wanted desperately not to live on my own for the rest of my life. So I took out an ad - a special one, but an ad neverthless. 50 people replied. The lady I married was one of them. 201 years later still in love.

A happy ending? Well yes and no. For my wife and I yes, for 49 others, no.

What has this got to do with you? I'm NOT suggesting you take out an ad. What I am saying is that there is an enormous number of people who need more in their lives. (Reminds me of The Beatles' Elenor Rigby).

Also if one has been heavily molded by life, as have most here in the Forum, then very often the only people you can talk depy to, relate to, are those who have undergone similar privation.

[Croix]

- Sigh, the Internet just hiccuped, so now correct mistakes in part 1 then on to part 2

not 201 years - I'm not that old, try 21 years:)

... talk deeply to, relate to, are those who have undergone similar privation.

There are people out there, not just on the Forum, that are patient, understanding and can relate.

I've found many that turn their back are not bad people, they are out of their depth, or were just acquaintances anyway.

I'm trying to say to you that the possibility of other souls who can support and be supported in turn is not impossible, in fact they are already sitting there, out of contact with each other.

The only difference between outside life and the Forum is that the Forum is a meeting place.

The 2 month waiting period will pass. You sound on the right path there.

Croix

[Fairywings]

Sweetheart leaving this world is never the answer xx believe me i have had 30 unsuccessful attempts on my life and im still here helping others xx I want you to keep fighting hunny i know it's the hardest thing you will ever have to do and I believe in you I know you are going to get thru this we are all here for you xx anytime nice to meet you lovely xx take care of yourself xx Venessa

[Guest_223]

That's all very true. The latest appointment with the psychologist did not go so well, I've decided that it's too expensive to keep seeing her, I just don't see the point in any more appointments, it's not a good fit.