It's over. Feel like giving up.

[Guest_223]

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.

[Croix]

Dear Missmara~

I could be mistaken I guess but you sound a lot more in charge of things now. Perhaps a dash of hope? After a few days adjustment I started to improve after hospital, things sort of sorted out. My only real worry was that the new improvement would not last - by and large it did.

Croix

[Guest_223]

Hi. After three months of asking, trying to get the doctors to let me try an antidepressant again someone listened, someone helped and that makes me feel like I was finally listened too. It's pity though things had to get really bad for there to be a change. I think with the first appointments out of the way that I am less anxious about these new professionals that there is some small amount of hope that I can get through this.

[Croix]

Dear MissMara~

I'm really pleased. It is terrible to feel helpless and at the whim of those that seem uncaring or unheeding.

I really hope you are on the right track and have found professionals who can work with you, not go off on tangents.

Croix

[Guest_223]

Hi, I just opened an old door again with the mental health case worker. I feel like I was pushed into it, that I don't really want to be talking with her again as it was unhelpful but feel like I'm obligated to do it. I don't know what I'm doing it doesn't feel right, it feels strange.

[Doolhof]

Hi MissMara,

Hopefully the week in hospital was beneficial. It may help for you to be upfront with the mental health care worker and tell them you are not yet strong enough to discuss the issue you feel you have been pushed into discussing.

It may be this person feels you need to deal with that issue now in order to move on.

I have found that being upfront with my psychologist is the best way for me. It may help to ask why that line of discussion was pushed.

Explain to them that you felt uncomfortable, let him or her know what it is that you do need right now.

Hope you can discuss these issues and continue to receive assistance.

Cheers for now from Dools

[Guest_223]

I begin to wonder why I feel like I'm in a continuous cycle, why I'm not feeling any better, why I'm feeling stuck, why I'm feeling awful once again to the point where I feel like I could do something to myself and that I give up on everything.

[Doolhof]

Hi Miss Mara,

Sounds like you are really struggling right now. Do you ever use the phone help lines? I would like to strongly suggest you call Beyondblue on 1300 22 4636 and talk to someone.

When I feel like I am stuck in a rut or going around in circles, I try to think of something different I can do to jolt myself out of the negativeness and depression.

Sometimes I have the need to do something physical to release the stress and negative energy. Today I had a quiet day. A friend had told me about a retreat she went on to help restore her body mind and spirit. I tried to replicate that today for a few hours. Sitting reading my Bible and a book on advice on how to manage depression helped me.

Please don't do anything to yourself. Is there someone there whom you can talk to?

If you are taking new medication for your depression, it could take a few days to kick in. If you are really struggling, please go tot he hospital and talk to someone there.

I wasn't going to turn on the computer today as part of my home retreat. I am glad I did. I hope that by knowing someone cares for you, you will reach out where you are for the help you need.

MissMara. I understand depression can be horrible. Been there, done that recently. I can also tell you that it can be different for you. There is hope. Right now you may not be able to see it. I wasn't able to either. I am pleased now that I hung around to see what might happen next in my life.

Hang in there. It is hard yes, it is worth it.

From Dools

[blondguy]

Hi Missmara88

I posted ages ago on your thread. I see that you are doing it hard.

There has been so many replies to you which is great

Can I ask you how often you are seeing a counselor and for how long? (if thats okay)

I used to have what you do for many years and its a pain.....I understand where you are coming from

we are happy to be here for you

just sending you my best

Paul

[Guest_223]

Thanks for your support. If only I had this sort of support in person. I just don't see much of a future. I feel so much like giving up. I try to think about everything I have but even those things are not enough anymore. I have called helplines and it ends with the police coming and an emergency department visit. I have no energy for this sort of stuff any longer. I have just walked out of hospital after just one night I couldn't stay there. It was a terrible experience.

[Guest_223]

Thanks for the support. i see a psychologist fortnightly and I don't know how long it's going to be for.